My 45 year old mother acts like a teenager.

[Samrae]

My mother is 45 and she is the most immature irresponsible person i have ever met. She's been borrowing money from me since i got a job when i was 16. She's never taught me how to drive because she thinks i will crash her car and "who would pay for it to get fixed?!" is what she thinks. I'm 22 and my two other sister are 20 and 18 and none of us have our drivers license. She's made me think that i will be a terrible driver so i'm afraid to learn. She made me pay $150 a week to live with her when i was 18, so i was working full time and wasn't attending school, i eventually refused to give her any more money and she kicked me out.
My middle sister had a baby when she was 17 and lived with my mom, my mom hated her living with her and made that clear she kicked them out when my sister was 19. She never babysat my nephew, she did take him to daycare every morning and drive my sister to work for a fee. My sister eventually moved away from us and left her son with his other grandparents, which has been for a year now.
My youngest sister moved out when she was 14, she is currently 18 and has recently been forced to move in with my mother. my mom lives alone, she treats my sister like a roommate and makes her buy her own food, pay for her gas when she needs rides anywhere, pay her electric and car insurance.
She blames us kids for her financial situation so always guilts me into lending her money, which she can rarely pay back. My sister hasn't finished school yet so she's trying to graduate and work to pay to live with my mom. My sister doesn't even have her own room and sleeps on the couch she avoids being at my moms and spends all her time with her friends.
My mother is also involved with a married man and she talks about him 24/7! She's constantly texting him and on the computer talking to him on msn. She relays entire conversations they have and i can't stand talking to her anymore. He lives in another province and they see each other once a month. I recently had my first child, a daughter, and my mom wasn't even in town because she was visiting him. She met my daughter 10 days after she was born. I'm certain she doesn't care about us anymore and wants to live her own life. She treats us like her friends and tells us things we really don't need to know. She never asks how i am doing but only tells me about her married "boyfriend" and talks about having no money. She's obsessed with Air Miles because she likes to save them so she can fly to see her "boyfriend". She constantly calls to complain about my sisters and talk about how wonderful it is to date a married man. She'll break plans with my and my daughter if her "boyfriend" has free time to spare to talk to her. I can't deal with her.
My father was very abusive to her and she kept going back to him, the last time was when i was 17 she made us move to a different town to be with him. It only lasted 6 months. My two sisters remained there and got into drugs and turned into completely different people. I stayed in the same town we moved from and lived my aunt and uncle because i was sick of moving to be with my dad, he's a horrible person i don't want to be around. The only reason they got back together was so she would have more money because he had a good job.  
Today she called me and asked me, "What the hell did i do wrong raising you girls?"

[specialmom]

Hi Mary, this is a very old post.  Judy has not been on the forum for some time now.  

I haven't gone back and read all the comments.  I will tell you that I am indeed a mother which has taught me that moms are human.  They make mistakes and are also growing.  Some have kids early and missed a time in their life in which they could act 'teenage' like.  A common pattern is for them to try to reclaim that later.  Such is life.

I think as you get older, you will realize that being embarrassed of your mom means that you are attaching yourself to closely to her.  That what SHE does is not a reflection on you.  and really, many parents are trying with whatever limitations they have to get through life just like everyone else.

Being a mother does not magically make us grown up, perfect, wonderful parents/adults.  but often, we love that person just the same.  Just as moms love their kids with all of their flaws.  

luck to all

[Mary332x]

I understand your mother died and I'm sorry for that. But it doesn't change the fact that you have what you have. Their mother isn't being a good mother at the moment. Selfish, ungrateful, all of these things. If you're a mother you're supposed to give your all to your child. Help them grow. If my mom decides not to do that then to hell with it. Its sad and upsetting and embarrassing to see your mother acting this way. Its not right.

[specialmom]

I think it is best to leave your own opinion without criticizing another person's.  Indeed this is an old thread.  If someone has a question pertaining to this topic,, please start your own thread.  thank you

[dawnangela]

It is an old post and yes prob wont respond, but Judy you said that well totally agree xx

[Judy246]

I just realized this is an old post and doubt poster will respond .....sorry I even posted.

[Judy246]

One day you will be in my shoes...my mother died in my arms and I would give my very life to have her back regardless of what happened in my life and it was alot. My advice, move out, live your own life. One day you will marry and have children and then you will know what's it's like to raise children alone. I'm not saying that your comments against your mother are not valid and I understand your anger, hurt and fustration are not valid, but time passes and we all move forward with our live and one day God will call her when you least expect it and you will look back and realize how insignificant the fights, arguments, hurts, angers and fall on your knees like I did. If she is the only one who pay's the rent, bills, utilities, food, cloth, she needs financial help from anyone above the age of 18 and able to work and "help" out, not forced, but pitch in to make life better for all, but if you can't handle your mom, move out, live your own life, because one day you will be in my shoes and wish to turn back time and say, I love you and forgive you.

[AvrilaC]

I have the same problem with my mom. Shes immature, irresponsible and dumb. She married a Man that's 26 years old and He lives in Morocco. It sickens me when she talks about him. She has only seen him twice and married him after 8 months of '"knowing each other" over webcam. She has spent over 10,000 dollars trying to get his visa and green card. Hes not even here yet. She's spent about 2,000 dollars in tickets to go see him. She hardly has enough money to even live on her own. My boyfriend had to loan her money just so she didn't lose her home. She has lived in her house since November and there is still rooms and hallways full of box's. When she knows she is tight on money she will go buy clothes or something else she doesn't need. She dresses like a 16 year old. And acts like one too. I'm younger then she is and i dress more mature. She will wear mini skirts and low cut tops and high boots. I haven't even warn that kinda of an outfit. I'm 18 and engaged with a child and another one on the way, I can support myself and my family without asking for money and have money left over. She always ask me how i do that and my boyfriend makes less money then she dose. My mom left my dad 2 years ago but she cheated on him alot and yet she could never figure out why he was so mad all the time. My other two sisters do not want to have anything to do with her, and i used to think they were the ones who were selfish but now i can't stand to be around her. She makes me feel bad when she has no money, so i give in and give it to her. She made me feel terrible when i moved out, how she was going to be so lonely with no one with her. When that's her fault not mine. Its like she is living in her own world or something. My dad is crazy too and used to be mentally abusive and fiscally. being pregnant and only two months along i don't need all the drama from my mom and dad. She always wonders why her kids don't want anything to do with her. When i know and feel the same way now. Its nice to know but yet not so nice to know there are other mothers like mine out there. And i feel for thos other people with moms like that. I have a sister thats 30 and a bother thats 28 and a sister who is 23 and me i'm 18. I've never had a kid life because of my mother. Its like i pretty much had to raise her. She doesn't do dish's ill walk in her house and they will be piled up and it smells. When i lived with her i had to do everything like it was MY house and she was just a roommate that i wanted to kick out so badly. She tries to put words in my mouth, tells me i told her then she my boyfriend said that when i know neither of us said anything. Shes pathetic. I just wish she would find help.

[heatherlynn22]

i agree with ajh....cut ties with her. i know she's your mother but.....a BAD influence for your daughter! to blow you off while you're in labor to be with her married "boyfriend" is just wrong in so many ways. that was a time when you needed her. when you needed your mother to be understanding and by your side without you owing her something. i know if my mother had done that to me when i was in labor (my husband was working/living in d.c as a marine at the time) i would probably never have spoken to her again. she's going to end up falling on her face and have nobody there. her family will finally be sick of it and not care that her married "boyfriend" dumped her to make ammends with his wife and his FAMILY. don't let her quilt you into lending her money. if you'd been paying her since you were 18 she has nothing to guilt you for. you keep your money for your needs and your daughters needs.

[AHP84]

Wow, your mom sounds like a real nasty, manipulative control freak. And immature, as you said.
But are you looking for advice on how to handle dealing with her, or how to cut ties altogether with her? I'm not exactly sure from your post what you're seeking to figure out, other than it seems like you want nothing to do with her but she is still a part of your life.
I'd say quit lending her money, and tell her not to contact you anymore, that you want nothing to do with her if she thinks she "raised you wrong" and has nothing better to say to you. If she keeps contacting you for money or complaints or to brag about her married boyfriend, then change your phone number and email address. She's a grown woman; she can make her own money or mooch it from the "man" she is stealing away from a marriage.