So hurt, so confused

[arlandonbloom]

I am 23 weeks pregnant with both my husband and my first child. Everything was perfect in our relationship before this pregnancy, but ever since he found out, he has distanced himself a lot and doesn't do much for me anymore. He always used to buy me nice gifts, always made sure I had everything that I needed, etc. Now, I find that he is always doing what he wants to do, but just leaves me out of it... We had been trying for a long time to have a baby and each time we thought I was pregnant, he would always talk/kiss/rub my tummy and now that I actually am, he rarely does it. I don't' know what to do, did our baby ruin our relationship?

[Nighthawk61]

Maybe he's a little put out having no family, when you do have family. I remember I landed in jail, acting out,when my husband had visitation with his daughter, when i had lost custody of my son for a spell.  It doesn't help that he can't trust your mom, but maybe could spend a little man time with your dad.  If you and your dad are close, he might feel closer to you if he's got a healthy father son relationship with your dad. Maybe he needs to be taught , with small suggestions , on how to be a young loiving spouse / father.?

[ROSYouralright]

Maybe your hubby is a little scared and doesn't know how to communicate that. Playing devils advocate here but maybe he doesn't really realize that he's hurting your feelings. Having a baby is a huge,life change and maybe he's worried... It sounds like its definitely time for some good old fashioned bonding between the two of you. Light some candles, turn on some music, give him some lotion and ask for a full body massage. Have him take his time and enjoy it... Afterwards have pillow talk while you are both comfortable and relaxed..Ask him how he's feeling about fatherhood and tell him you would love a little more attention right now.....

[arlandonbloom]

I have talked to him about it and he hasn't really changed... No I am not very close with my family anymore, he is close to my dad but definitely not my mom and his family lives in California (we are in Colorado). Him and my mom always seem to butt heads at everything since my mom is a very critical, narcissistic person and doesn't approve of our marriage and this pregnancy.

[Nighthawk61]

You definitely need to have a calm conversation with him about how you're feeling. Many men seem to relax when their wives are pregnant, maybe thinking that they are safe, and that it's unlikely they will be left , during and after pregnancy. If this is the case, he needs to know that this is not what you signed up for..... Praying this is transient in nature, and that talking to him will pull him back into line...let us know how the talk went. Are you close to your family, do you have family to talk to about this? Is he close to your parents? Could they help you sit down and talk to him? My husband was so close to my mom before she passed.. He seemed to really respect the older generation. My mom did sit my husband down and talk to him about our relatlionship woes, and it helped. It just seems that with everything, the more open and honest a problem is looked at, the less likely it will fester in darker places. It is true, that you might be highly sensitized due to being pregnant, and he may be relaxing more, feeling you are now tied to him....... would he sit down with a marriage counselor do you think?

[Londres70]

That's terrible.  This is a time if any you should be able to lean on your husband and have his total attention. You derserve that.

This might not be related to the pregnancy, but some other stressor in his life, i.e. work, school, family.  Any other major issues going on in his life right now?

Or......

Maybe he feels he will not have too much "me" time when the baby gets here and is getting it in now.  

I don't think this baby ruined your relationship, however, a baby will change the dynamics of a relationship.  Try having a chat with him and see what he says.

[Life360_Dave]

Hi and sorry your discouraged. Are you being somewhat more leaning on him than before your pregnancy. I mean are you seeking more attention from him than before. Men can be a little funny giving of themselves and often have a limit to how much to give. I dont mean this in a bad way, its just they way some men are. Maybe when the time is right tell him exactly what youve posted here. He might not be aware he is acting like this and communication is very important to couples in resolving issues. Also maybe being pregnant your emotions are at at higher level and is adding a new aspect to your personality. Remember, your husband does not have any new chemicals in his body to bring out a change in him.