Aa
relationships
I divorced back in 2005. Was single for a very long time. Surely I dated but I never really got to "Mr Right". I'd spent so many holidays b-days vacations by myself as it was part of the agreement the kids would be with their father on those occations. Anyhow I got tired of being alone and not having the moral support many women long for. It wasn't bout sex or financial support. It was bout me having someone to come home too..someone to talk about my days..share a movie ..or a night of dancing. And all the perks that come In a relationship. The last guy I dated wanted to move in with us. I said yes with only having 2 months of dating him. I wasn't in love with him.I figured I would eventually end up loving him in time. I can say up to this day im still not in love with him. He's a hard working man,good provider,treats my kids well,always aiming to have more (materialistic wise). He also has a really bad temper. When he gets mad he says real mean things. Which make me not love him even more. I've
I agree with the above comments. You're still relatively young and beautiful, now is the time to let go of a relationship that is without love, so that you can possibly find a man that means the world to you, and most importantly, that you mean the world to him.
I found my 3rd and last husband around your age. The only thing worse than being in a loveless relationship when you're young, is to be in a loveless relationship when you're older......
I found my 3rd and last husband around your age. The only thing worse than being in a loveless relationship when you're young, is to be in a loveless relationship when you're older......
Yeah, I can't see why you are with this guy at all. Being alone is more fun than being with someone who suppresses you in all ways.
"..........always aiming to have more (materialistic wise)......" Then you say
"He never liked how I spent money on perfumes,cloths,beauty/nail solons. I no longer worry about looking nice." He doesn't mind spending the money on what HE wants.
"He's a hard working man,good provider,treats my kids well,always aiming to have more (materialistic wise). He also has a really bad temper." You can offer all these things to yourself and to your children minus the bad temper of course.
"As we have nothing in common I don't push him to do things that I like because the few times we've done what I like he behaves like a yr old child.".......show him the door
"I've spoken to him about what I want/need from him as my partner. Emotionally and sexually. Its like I'm talking to myself."........show him the door
"He says I have to give him daily reminders. Is it so much to ask for him to compliment me when I dress nice? Or is it bad that I want him to kiss me in a passionate way rather than him give me pecks on the lips,cheeks,or forehead?".......Daily reminders? If he or ANY man needs daily reminders about these things you don't need him; show him the door.
"I can't say I haven't tried lord knows I made a huge change to my way of! Living just so he could be happy.".........You're unhappy while trying to make him happy? How does that work? OR should it work? I think NOT.
Show him the door, start living the way you want to be and reclaim your happiness.
BTW: He doesn't sound very "loveable" anyways. It's no wonder you aren't feeling a thing for him.
"He never liked how I spent money on perfumes,cloths,beauty/nail solons. I no longer worry about looking nice." He doesn't mind spending the money on what HE wants.
"He's a hard working man,good provider,treats my kids well,always aiming to have more (materialistic wise). He also has a really bad temper." You can offer all these things to yourself and to your children minus the bad temper of course.
"As we have nothing in common I don't push him to do things that I like because the few times we've done what I like he behaves like a yr old child.".......show him the door
"I've spoken to him about what I want/need from him as my partner. Emotionally and sexually. Its like I'm talking to myself."........show him the door
"He says I have to give him daily reminders. Is it so much to ask for him to compliment me when I dress nice? Or is it bad that I want him to kiss me in a passionate way rather than him give me pecks on the lips,cheeks,or forehead?".......Daily reminders? If he or ANY man needs daily reminders about these things you don't need him; show him the door.
"I can't say I haven't tried lord knows I made a huge change to my way of! Living just so he could be happy.".........You're unhappy while trying to make him happy? How does that work? OR should it work? I think NOT.
Show him the door, start living the way you want to be and reclaim your happiness.
BTW: He doesn't sound very "loveable" anyways. It's no wonder you aren't feeling a thing for him.
Hi also. I think in some ways we have ideals about what mister perfect is like but you know men by now and should realize the difference. I think if a person can meet at least 1/2 of our expectations they would be worth staying with.
Also many men need proding to get them up to the womens expectations and that little boy will always pop up from time to time.
Attitudes that are now habitual with him are there because they were allowed and trying to change them now could be a daunting task. If you see an attitude developing it would be best to try to change it then. By allowing it once, it will continue to be used as a tool.
Also many men need proding to get them up to the womens expectations and that little boy will always pop up from time to time.
Attitudes that are now habitual with him are there because they were allowed and trying to change them now could be a daunting task. If you see an attitude developing it would be best to try to change it then. By allowing it once, it will continue to be used as a tool.
Sounds like you moved this relationship forward WAY too fast, and now you're finding out there is a lot about this guy that just isn't appealing. I think you have some decisions to make. You already are changing things about YOU to make him happy (looking nice, hair/nails, etc), and that's not a good sign, certainly when it isn't reciprocated. It sounds like you do an awful lot of "giving" with very little "getting".
Good luck!
Good luck!
Thanks for your response. I can't say I haven't tried lord knows I made a huge change to my way of! Living just so he could be happy. He never liked how I spent money on perfumes,cloths,beauty/nail solons. I no longer worry about looking nice. As we have nothing in common I don't push him to do things that I like because the few times we've done what I like he behaves like a yr old child. I've spoken to him about what I want/need from him as my partner. Emotionally and sexually. Its like I'm talking to myself. He says I have to give him daily reminders. Is it so much to ask for him to compliment me when I dress nice? Or is it bad that I want him to kiss me in a passionate way rather than him give me pecks on the lips,cheeks,or forehead?
Hello Macey111.
I'm pretty new to this site myself. It is good to come here anonymously with concerns and receive feedback from others who care.
I have been divorced 20 years and have been in two relationships that I wanted to go the distance but alas that was not to be the case. And so I have dated on and off and I understand about the alone part.
I raised two sons half time with their father and I was determined to set a good example and not have men coming in and out of their life. I had hoped to remarry someday. But the typical guy I would meet would be more self-focussed than other-focussed and things never clicked. So I have remained a single gal, though would really like to be in a caring relationship, one that would last through the good times and the bad.
So here you are questioning your relationship with this guy who you say you have never come to love. Right there you are compromising. In order to have someone in your life you chose to have him be in it to fill a void.
This man may sense that you don't love him. Wonder if he loves you? The getting mean, although not excusable, may be a sign that he is unhappy too in the relationship. You didn't remark as to how long you've been together but some time has gone by and it's still not a "good" situation from what you've said.
I personally like to talk and share my thoughts with someone I'm with to have intimacy on an emotional/intellectual (hopefully spiritual) level. We all know it's not just about the physical. So perhaps the way that you two have been interacting has not led to developing that special closeness. If you want to, maybe try to go that route and attempt new ways to win his love and it could be that he will start treating you the way you would like. If, however, there is no attraction there for you or you just know you cannot love the guy, would seem at some point you would make the decision to move on and as respectfully as possible to end things.
Yes, it will be an upheaval for your children and you'll have to be w/o a man in your life. In time when you are in a better place you could attract the "right" one and begin a new relationship for the "right" reasons, because you truly care for one another, and it isn't about using or having to have someone just to fill a need. You are a young woman at 39 and have a lot to look forward to. Please don't settle. AND it isn't fair to either of you to continue living a facade.
But IF there is any possibility that you could improve upon your current relationship I say go for it and see what happens. We kind of live in a "throw away" society and drop things when they aren't working the way we want. Lood for the good in him, what you admire and respect, and see if there isn't a base there to work with.
Many want "love" to be all the sparks and gooey feelings. If you tend a garden well, thistles and weeds will not be able to take over but rather the flowers and roses that give one joy, that lift you to a higher level. It is worth the effort to work at something before casting it aside, that is unless you've done all that and it isn't happening.
Best to you in whatever you decide.
I'm pretty new to this site myself. It is good to come here anonymously with concerns and receive feedback from others who care.
I have been divorced 20 years and have been in two relationships that I wanted to go the distance but alas that was not to be the case. And so I have dated on and off and I understand about the alone part.
I raised two sons half time with their father and I was determined to set a good example and not have men coming in and out of their life. I had hoped to remarry someday. But the typical guy I would meet would be more self-focussed than other-focussed and things never clicked. So I have remained a single gal, though would really like to be in a caring relationship, one that would last through the good times and the bad.
So here you are questioning your relationship with this guy who you say you have never come to love. Right there you are compromising. In order to have someone in your life you chose to have him be in it to fill a void.
This man may sense that you don't love him. Wonder if he loves you? The getting mean, although not excusable, may be a sign that he is unhappy too in the relationship. You didn't remark as to how long you've been together but some time has gone by and it's still not a "good" situation from what you've said.
I personally like to talk and share my thoughts with someone I'm with to have intimacy on an emotional/intellectual (hopefully spiritual) level. We all know it's not just about the physical. So perhaps the way that you two have been interacting has not led to developing that special closeness. If you want to, maybe try to go that route and attempt new ways to win his love and it could be that he will start treating you the way you would like. If, however, there is no attraction there for you or you just know you cannot love the guy, would seem at some point you would make the decision to move on and as respectfully as possible to end things.
Yes, it will be an upheaval for your children and you'll have to be w/o a man in your life. In time when you are in a better place you could attract the "right" one and begin a new relationship for the "right" reasons, because you truly care for one another, and it isn't about using or having to have someone just to fill a need. You are a young woman at 39 and have a lot to look forward to. Please don't settle. AND it isn't fair to either of you to continue living a facade.
But IF there is any possibility that you could improve upon your current relationship I say go for it and see what happens. We kind of live in a "throw away" society and drop things when they aren't working the way we want. Lood for the good in him, what you admire and respect, and see if there isn't a base there to work with.
Many want "love" to be all the sparks and gooey feelings. If you tend a garden well, thistles and weeds will not be able to take over but rather the flowers and roses that give one joy, that lift you to a higher level. It is worth the effort to work at something before casting it aside, that is unless you've done all that and it isn't happening.
Best to you in whatever you decide.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Ugh, the moving in after 2 months and knowing you didn't love him part is a learning moment. Clearly not a good plan.
Agree that it is time to say goodbye if it is not working. Sad for your kids as it is yet another upheaval in their life. But if you don't love him, he has a bad temper and kids are witnessing this, it is detrimental for him to stay.
But it will be hard on them. You created a home including this guy and now it will change abruptly.
I do wish you luck. I'm sure it is a tough decision for you. peace
Agree that it is time to say goodbye if it is not working. Sad for your kids as it is yet another upheaval in their life. But if you don't love him, he has a bad temper and kids are witnessing this, it is detrimental for him to stay.
But it will be hard on them. You created a home including this guy and now it will change abruptly.
I do wish you luck. I'm sure it is a tough decision for you. peace
It kind of sounds like time to say goodbye. Why dance with someone who says real mean things when mad?
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