husband very irresponsible.. i need advice!!!

[wyrpamatz]

I am 19 yrs. Old I've been with my now husband for over as year. We moved in together in October 2011. We married in April 2012. I am very frustrated b/c it seems like he can't grow up. He is 21 yrs old and he is very immature. He quit his job simply b/c he didn't like it. And now I'm the only working and it really gets to me that all he does s stay home and not look for a job. I'm the one paying the car insurance.paying the car payment,paying the rent,gas,and groceries. I only get about 700-800/month depending on how good my hours are. I am really getting tired of paying for everything and having him just sit at home doing nothing. It seems like I'm the husband and him thee wife. I am getting to the point where I want a divorce because he is NOT growing up. We've been living together for awhile now and he doesn't change. It seems like it hasn't hit him that he has a responsibility now which is me. We don't have kids yet, but it makes me wonder if this is thee man I want to be spending my life with.

[Londres70]

To Clarify.......The recommendations in my last post were recommended only to use as a "wake-up" call for him; to jump start him into acting like an adult.  

If you find yourself CONTINOUSLY having to set boundaries for "this and that" he isn't the one for you and be done with this nonsense.....just like AnnieBrooke stated.  

[AnnieBrooke]

I think Londres' point is well taken, but would add that if having to set boundaries and essentially act like the guy's mom becomes a continuing pattern, that is a pretty undesirable position to be in, in a marriage.  If saying it this once snaps him out of his lethargy and into acting like an adult, great.  If all he does is act victimized after you say it, I'd be looking at a nice set of matching U-Haul boxes and the business card from the lawyer, myself.

[Londres70]

I think it would also be wise to give him a timeline in regards to things changing, i.e. 3-6 months period for example.  If things aren't different, then let him know this is done.....the marriage.  

Don't let him think he has all the time in the world to change.  When dealing with these types you MUST be consistent and you MUST make boundaries.  Do NOT back down on what you expect, need and want.

[TTinKKerBBell]

It's okay to wait and see if He's sincere about a change but You would be wise to prevent pregnancy for a good while.  

If this DOESN'T work out, keep in mind that He told You at the get-go that He was lazy - You should have listened.  You didn't want to mind this until AFTER You married Him - You can't be doing that and THEN expect change.
(in spite of what I just said, I since You're already married that He does indeed change - but I insist, He DID warn You).  

This is why God Created Dating - So That A Woman Could Discover The Bad News About A Man BEFORE She Gets Involved With Him, Not After.  Your job is to Look and Listen for Red Flags.

Good Luck, I hope this change takes place, but if there is a next time, CHOOSE more wisely.

[wyrpamatz]

Thank you all for your feedback we talked and he said he will grow up and take some responsibility. he also got called for a job interview on Friday. I hope he does grow up and take responsibility if not I will file for divorce.

[Londres70]

Dear, lazy usually does go hand in hand with irresponsible in most cases.  It must be bad if he flat out told you he was lazy.  At that point the idea of marriage should have been totally out of the question.  

Totally agree with NG.

Plus, 19 in my opinion is way to young for anyone to enter into marriage.  

Send him home to his mother or whoever and file for divorce because it is apparent he is "dead weight."

[nursegirl6572]

This is a perfect example of why marriage isn't a good idea for young people all the time.  It's very possible he's just WAY too immature to be handling the adult responsibilities of marriage.

I would dome serious thinking before you have a lot of time invested in the marriage.  This is why you date for a while, until you determine who would be a suitable mate.

[wyrpamatz]

I am glad that I don't have to depend on him if we ever go our separate ways. But it really saddens me that this is the man I loved. Before we moved in he told me he was lazy but I didn't think k he would be very irresponsible. I feel so stressed out b/c of what we are going through and him just sitting there playing video games. I think that we should desperate so he values me more nut I don't know.

[AnnieBrooke]

Don't have kids until you work this out -- at least, if worst comes to worst, you won't be in the difficult position of not being able to contemplate parting ways because you need his help with the child or his financial help.  

There are worse things than getting a divorce when you find out that someone is not (yet) cut out for marriage, like staying when he isn't ready to change and being the only responsible person.

Get some counseling, alone and with him, if you can.  Good luck.