should i be mad?

[wantingdeeperconnection]

i looked at my husbands texts to his ex who he has a 6 yr old son with. i saw that one day he wanted to take a burger to his son from wendys because his son was wanting it. so in his text to his ex he said "do u want anything from wendys?" she said "no thanks" then he said "u know u want a frosty" then she said "ok" then he said "lol so u do" now normally, if it were any other girl, i wouldnt care. but since its his ex (who i think wants him because she dresses really slutty around my husband) i feel like he was being very flirty. they have a terrible relationship anyway, she is bipolar and wild and they argue almost daily and she used to keep their son from him but hasnt done that for several months. so i think its weird that he hates her one day, then on her good days he's nice. now my husband is not a flirty guy & he doesnt talk like that to her but i just cant seem to get it out of my mind that he was flirting with her and "loling" and i guess i feel like they were joking around texting and i feel jealous. the exact words "u know u want a frosty" just makes me mad, like why do you want to buy her a frosty???? i asked him about it and told him i'm not comfortable with him buying her a frosty & being flirty & he said he was not being flirty and that he was just in a good mood & didnt mean anything buy it. so i guess the issue is supposed to be over since we talked about it, but i just keep feeling mad about it. the reason i wanted to post this is so i can get some opinions from other people, should i be mad? or should i let it go? should i keep trying to check his phone? i hate doing that and he hates it when i do that but sometimes i feel like i have to.

[Julie359]

U know i wouldn't just pass it off as being 'friendly' if i were u, don't harp on about it but and i mean BUT keep it logged.  If she is dressing slutty around him and being all flirty then u need to keep ur eyes wide open.  They are previous lovers, they have a child and history together, don't take that for granted. At the end of the day he is a man and temptation is a man's weakness so just monitor the situation and if that means having a sneek peak at his mobile once in a while then so be it.... Until he has proved he can be fully trusted.

One thing don't do is confront her about it otherwise she'll know ur jealous and believe me she'll use that to her upmost advantage and **** it up in front of him even more just to make u mad.  If she know's she is causing problems she's winning.

Good-luck hun and be strong!

[wantingdeeperconnection]

thanks guys, we had a lot of discussion about this & thanks for your opinions to back me up & for also helping me see his side. we talked a lot & i'm thankful to have a husband that listens & cares...and to mami1323, lol if he said "my" frosty he's be a dead man lol!!

[peggy64]

I don't know, it would cause concern to me as well. I could see asking if she wanted something just to be polite, but to keep on in that familiar fashion was just to much.  He needs to think about what this is saying to the ex. And it might just encourage her inappropriate dress thinking he is interested.

[megochick101]

I agree, since she used to keep his son from him, I think he is also trying to be nice and avoid unnecessary drama with her.

[mami1323]

I agree, it is harmless, it's not like he said "u know u want this frosty....lol"  Get my point?  So after telling him how you feel, he probably won't ever do it again.  Most likely he didn't think it would bother you.  You will get over it in time.

[imanaddict]

IMO it sounds like he was just being nice and possibly trying to avoid drama from her since she has kept his son from him recently. It sounded completely harmless to me.

[Judy246]

Your husband had a past with this woman and knows her well to know her likes and dislikes. It's apparent she really liked the frosties and let's be realistic, she is the mother of her son and is not going away any time soon, BUT he joking around with her as if he knows her taste with a slight bit of flirtatious. Where there is ashes there can be flame, so you make it real clear to him that his comments to her were inappropriate and that you are on to him, just to keep him on his toes AND there is absolutely no reason why he should be talking to her on a daily base, unless it has to do with the child's needs or well being and that's that. You are his wife and there is absolutely no reason why you can't check his phone, because he should have nothing to hide.

If the ex is dressing in a slutty, provocative way in front of your husband, it's intentional so that he can see what he is missing out on, so you make sure to look real good for him, but with class! Do not be afraid to speak up an let him know that his behavior toward his ex was unexceptable and has caused mistrust within the marriage, which can easily become a dysfunctional relationship as a result of jelousy, insecurity and once again mistrust. The foundation of a relationship is communication and trust, once it has been broken, it's a struggle to get it back, but don't let this ex get under your skin, don't give her that satisfaction.  Good Luck, Judy