Completely torn

[mommy_to_be_2014]

I first suspeced that I was pregnant while my fiance and I were driving cross country to visit our families. I tested once we returned home and told hin the same day. He was very irate with me and accused me of intentionally getting pregnant. (We want to have children together, but this was completely unplanned!!) He finally vented all of his concerns and told me that this was my situation to deal with. After spending many days & nights crying and thinking about what would be best for us and my future step son(he lives with us), I convinced myself to have a medicated abortion.  Needless to say, deep down, I really didn't want to go through with it, but set up the appointment anyway. While I was at that appt, they actually denied services to me because of my iron levels. My fiance knew that I was going to this appointment, but I haven't told him how the appointment turned out. I know that I need to, but I don't want to have to deal with his possible reaction.  Especially after last time. Any suggestions on how to break the news to him???

[ROSYouralright]

Special mom said it perfectly! Best of luck to you sweetie..

[nursegirl6572]

I agree with SM and Tink.  Wonderful advice.  I hope it works out for you.  This is a decision only YOU can make hon.

Take care!

[TTinKKerBBell]

OMGolly, I'm SO sorry You have this dilemma !!

Ditto SpecialMom.  She gave invaluable advice on every level.

Whatever Your ultimate decision, I note that You say "deep down I really didn't want to go through with it, but set up the appointment anyway".  I would only say to You to Think and Decide Very Carefully, 'cuz, it's the "deep down" that matters, and that it IS Your choice.  I too, am glad We/You have the opportunity to make a choice.

Regards
Tink

[specialmom]

Hi there.  Welcome!  Unplanned pregnancies are tough.  No one can tell you how you should feel about it or what you should do.  You made what you thought was the best choice for yourself, your relationship and the unborn child.  I agree that bringing a child into a home in which it isn't wanted is really hard as well as adoption not being for everyone.  Abortion is an option and as valid as any other.  I'm glad we live where this is something offered to women to help control the direction of their life.

So, before you say anything at all to your fiancé, I'd think about what you want.  If you still feel termination is best, then tell him what happened and that you have a rescheduled appointment.  Perhaps he could go with you.  If you've changed your mind, then you do need to sit down and talk to him about this immediately.  

I don't think just because our partner wants us to have an abortion, we should have one.  However, we need to understand that it may be the end of a relationship.  While he'd forever be tied to you due to the baby (and I would sue for child support)---  he can walk away.  You then find yourself kind of choosing between the pregnancy and him.  That sounds a bit like the reality here from what he is saying.  Say he decides to stay, will he forever resent the child?  Will he resent you?  that's such a hard thing. If you have the abortion, will you grow to resent him?  

So, I'd do what is in your heart and what you really want.  It's okay to feel it's not time to have a baby.  Abortion is a valid and viable option for women in your position.  BUT, if you are waffling and really want the baby but are just trying to please your man, that's different.  That makes it a harder choice.  So sweetie, you need to dig deep and think about what you want.

Don't get swept into all the romance here of having a child or any guilt trips.  None of these people will be there with you trying to make your relationship work with an angry partner or up at night with a crying baby.  This is about YOU.  And what's best for you.  

So, if you are still terminating, easy.  Just tell him what happened and the time the appointment is rescheduled and see if he'd go with you.  If you've changed your mind, just be honest.  Find your voice and tell him where you are at with this.  But do so as soon as possible.  good luck dear and do come back and let us know how it goes.  You can also private message me.  peace

[Steph_MHModerator]

Hi Everyone, please remember that MedHelp is a support site for everyone.  The member is asking about her relationship issues, not asking opinions on abortion.

Thanks!

Stephanie

[wickedxchick]

That's pathetic it seems ur having an abortion only because he doesn't want his baby do you really care and want to please a man whos not happy with the women he so call loves about having his baby, ur already taking his kid under ur wing without a scene I suppose, why would would he be an *** about his child no matter the circumstances. Im sorry your going through this and that ur having a so call man whos clearly not manin up!

[havincinco]

Um....I dont even know how to really respond to your final question. If I didnt really want an abortion, byt was made to feel like crap and it was my problem. I dont think it would have even gotten this far. Many couples have difficulty staying together following an abortion because its a piece of their family that they got rid of. Im sorry that you are having to deal with all this. I cant believe the pain you must feel.....but to be honest, I would've run in the other direction. You do what you need to, but think more maybe about the relationship, and not just how you're going to break the news.

[cammie2003]

That's awful. I'm sorry you're going through something so tough. I don't understand why would he be so upset if you guys want children together? But the sooner you get it out there the better. Just let him know what happened and if he doesn't believe you then call the place and let him listen or take him up there. And if you really don't feel it's best to have an abortion then don't do it. You can't take it back once it's done. Good luck hun.