Update - Ordeal Over.

[binniman]

I posted a few days ago about my ex possibly playing mind games.  Just to summarize, it started by her calling late Sunday night telling me that she might be pregnant.  She did not say anything about by whom or how long but I simply assumed she was calling to telling me to own up to it.  I freaked out for five days because I am currently happily engaged and very much looking forward to my wedding date.  In any case, I spoke to my ex on Tuesday and she told me that her pregnancy had been confirmed at her doctors office.  She also mentioned that there was this other guy that she had been having sex with, without condoms starting three weeks prior to our meeting.  She was shocked about the pregnancy because she was on mirena.  That is some of what I wrote on my previous thread titled "ex playing mind games?"  Just to throw her off of any expectations she might have had, I had falsely told her that I was moving overseas indefinitely and that my fiance turned out to be a bad person and left me with nothing but a lot of debt (I did not know I could lie that badly).

My ex called this afternoon, I did not pickup for fear of any bad news.  A few hours later, I could not handle the anxiety and called her back.  We spoke as usual, I told her how sweet she sounded etc just to get to her head.  She told me she called because she wanted to see me before I left for overseas.  After I appeased her for a few minutes, she told me that she did her ultra sound and she is NOT pregnant but her birth control had resulted in false positives.  She claims to have put in a new IUD.  Well, can you imagine how elated I was?  

Now, what do I do?  I kind of fear that she might simply be trying to throw me off of my game and that she might come back nine months later with a baby and tell me that is mine.  But I highly doubt that at this point.  But knowing what I know, being pregnant or having another baby is the very last thing she would have wanted.  I made it seem like it would be a big issue for her but not for me as I kept telling her she needs to speak with the other guy and tell him all these things on a timely basis so they can sort all of this out sooner rather than later.   All the tricks I used may have paid off as she came out and said she is not pregnant or perhaps to the best of her knowledge, everything she told me was true.

In any case, do I carry on with the "I am moving overseas" game and cut off all ties completely or just keep her at bay somehow?  I have to admit, I do really care about her and she knows it because she really looks up to me because I carried her on my back for many months with no demands from her.  I remember I have been instructed to stay away by many on this forum but I am not sure how I will handle that because believe it or not she is one of those persons in the USA who lives on practically nothing day in day out.  I realize she is not my responsibility but the little human decency that I possess always tortures my conscience.  She is also very fond of me so I can see how she will feel the loss as she is already feeling it.  But I am not in any way going to be tempted to have any sexual adventures with her because I now feel like if I look at her in the eye, she might get pregnant falsely or otherwise.  She has told me dozens of times about how I bring in normalcy to her life as everyone else she knows adds misery.  Please don't get me wrong but the only person I am in love with right now is my fiance.  Needless to say, what a relief it is to know that I will not be the father of a child whose mother and I would have no real chance of dealing with anything at such a level!

[imanaddict]

I am relieved that this ordeal is over and hopefully now you have lived and learned from it. Like the others have said, put all your focus and energy on your fiance from here on out. Don't ever look back and don't ever allow that woman to manipulate you again. Sometimes we have to let friends go and they must learn how to fend for themselves. That is the absolute best thing you could do for her.

[specialmom]

You are always welcome with questions, no matter what they are.  We just hope that you make choices that result in your own happiness!!  

[mami1323]

Hope you follow through with what you say. You have a lot of making up to do with your fiancé. Spend that energy you were on your ex with your fiancé instead. Good luck.

[lovemykids465]

Cut her out of your life completely! It is not fair to your fiance or the other woman.

[binniman]

Just for the record, the incident with the ex was just a one time lapse in judgement on my part.  I am saying this because many of you are rightfully concerned about my fiance.  So please rest assured that nothing even remotely close to this is going to happen again.  I am sure of that.  

I appreciate everybody's priceless advice on this forum.  I totally understand all your points and I have now made an unwavering decision to permanently terminate this very dysfunctional relationship or whatever it was.  You will never hear from me with regards to that woman as I will never have any more to do with her at any capacity.  Rather, I may come back for ideas on how to keep strengthening my current relationship which I am very fortunate to still be a part of.  

[mami1323]

Oh and an iud isn't covered by insurance and is $600 or more a pop. Have to wonder where she gets the money for that.

[RockRose]

Just so you know,  an IUD shouldn't cause a false positive on a pregnancy test.

[mami1323]

Well I saw this one coming a mile away.  I think I had mentioned that this was going to happen.  I recall saying don't be surprised if she doesn't come back calling you.  I feel like you are an enabler, even though you swear she is no good you fall right back into her manipulations.  She's lying to you full force continually and I can guarantee you there is no boyfriend who could've possibly been the "father".  I don't even believe she was ever pregnant or ever went through any false pregnancies.  I believe she concocted all these lies to pull you in further.  And you refuse to see it because you do still have feelings for her.  And she knows it, that's why she keeps asking you if she could see you.  If she was done with you and really into her "boyfriend" than she would've left you alone.  The one in this situation I feel sorry for is your fiance.  She deserves to be with a man who is honest with her and willing to put his all into her.  You can keep pretending that this is the case that you are telling all these lies just to keep this other woman away but you are the one who keeps allowing her in again with all her stories.  If you can't stop talking to her and won't cut off communication for the sake of your current relationship, than I suggest you let your fiance go to find a man who reallly does love her.

[Judy246]

I think you better re-evaluate your relationship wih your fiance, because you just can't let this girl go! You couldn't leave well enought alone and here are saying, "I do care about her", "you couldn't resist, but to call her back", and continue to LEAD her on by telling her "how sweet she sounded". Do us all a favor, if you are not going to listen to anyone of us and just come back and post your continued self torture of "confused", then I will be the first to stop posting. The reality is that you are confused and do have feelings for this woman, so simple, make up your mind who you want to stay with, but remember that this woman is permiscious and risk for unwanted pregnancy, std's, hiv and has you wrapped around her little finger. Good Luck.

[specialmom]

I agree with butterfly.  I am so glad she is not pregnant and I would go with that belief.  You had said in your last post that you may have dodged a bullet . . . please do not walk into the firing squad again.  Now,  please don't take this the wrong way . . . but I am on to you.  You don't see your ex out of your sense of decency . . . you enjoy the sex, you enjoy being that needed, she makes you feel good about yourself, etc.  You know she is a disaster, so you blame your interest in her on just trying to help her.  Okay, there I said it.  Please don't be offended, but it will help you to be honest with yourself.  That relationship was NOT healthy.  It had all the earmarks of dysfunction and you were as dysfunctional as she.  I'd send you straight to a therapist to examine why a woman like that would interest you if you said you were going to continue to see her.  

But since you are on the fence------  I'd recommend falling on the side that cuts all contact with her.  She only keeps calling you because you want her to and refuse to really send her the message you are in love with someone else.  I would leave my fiance if I knew he was that connected to someone else.  So you really do need to make a choice.  You can not carry on with both women.  It is not fair. I don't even think that you need to lie.  I'd tell her you are engaged and in love.  The only problem is that your current relationship has to be worth doing that for.  So far it hasn't been. . . I think you have a lot of self examination ahead of you.

I think you sound like a nice guy that wants to do the right thing-----------  you have a fiance that loves you and is counting on you.  The other women was an ex and in the shadows for a reason.   I hope you pick your fiance for real this time.  good luck

[iam1butterfly]

While your sense of "decency" is commendable, you seem to be too conflicted and easily drawn into this other woman's drama and webs of deceit. And, I can almost guarantee that continued involvement with your ex, no matter how well meaning, is doomed to backfire; it'll create more problems; and, will compromise your current relationship. Instead of dwelling on the misfortunes and misery of the past relationship, you should be focusing on being "in love"... being "happily engaged"... " and bringing "normalcy" into your own life!