Restless Leg Syndrome Community
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370181 tn?1595629445

Ready to kill husband!

I think my husband has RLS and it's driving ME crazy. It doesn't bother him at all.........he actually thinks I'm making it up that his legs jump around all night! Meanwhile, I'm exhausted. I honestly don't know how this doesn't wake HIM up.
This is fairly new for him, (last year or so) he's 62, retired and very active.
What causes this and what can one do about it? I do not want to sleep in seperate beds, but I'm not retired and my job is physically demanding. I can't keep losing sleep over this.
I know this is a pretty selfish way to look at it. I do realize many people really suffer badly with this disorder, so I'm sorry if this sounds whiny.
16 Responses
1801781 tn?1461629469
My husband lets me know when my legs start taking a trip on their own.  I do have medication that I can take and will either stay up til it starts to work or sleep in another place.  I do not realize it is happening if it starts after I go to sleep.  Could you video tape him??  He may really not realize what is happening.  You need sleep....if you have to sleep somewhere else, well so be it.  Maybe if you do that he will realize there is a problem.  
Avatar universal
Hello and hope you are doing well.

Your husband's symptoms of moving his legs in sleep could be due to a sleep disorder called Periodic Limb Movement Disorder (PLMD). They disrupt sleep and cause involuntary movements during sleep. The cause is not known. They can be diagnosed with a sleep study and medications help to control them. You will need to consult your primary care physician, who may schedule for a polysomnogram (sleep test) to rule out this disorders and initiate appropriate therapy.

Hope this helped and do keep us posted.
Avatar universal
I just read your post and altho you posted months ago---I imagine the probelm still exists. My huby too, has RLS and has had for years. He did do a sleep study and does use his CPAP pretty regularly, but it took my constant and awful nagging at him to go back for the rest of the study and to find something to control the RLS. Actually, most nights I DO give up and sleep in another room. He is fine with that. His dr prescribed Requip, which he refuses to take and refuses to try anything else, so we are at a standoff. I DID videotape him one night and he will not watch the video, saying this is MY problem-- he's sleeping fine. My doc said that he could take a Xanax every night for the rest of his life and the RLS would cease..but he won't do anything for it. My heart goes out to you...stubborn men and the women who try to help and are ignored. If it was ME doing this to HIm you'd better believe I would do anything in my power to make sure I wasn't disturbing him. You are not being selfish--trust me--maybe he'll do a sleep study and that will convince him....it's worth a try. Didn't work for us, but then, that's my problem! Maybe your hubby listens to you :)
2083571 tn?1339481452
if I were you and my hubby was refusing to take the xanax I'd be taking it myself. I don't know why he refuses to treat the rls though, I have it and it's awful, and I stress a lot about disturbing my hubby..
Avatar universal
Ok I just happened to look this up bc my husband is driving me crazy at this moment with this constant twitching with his legs! I seriously didn't expect to find any info in this so I'm happy I did. I will let him know and I think I'm going to record him! In the meantime I'm headed to the guest room before I push him out of bed! Agh!
Avatar universal
Last night my husband acused me of being a liar because he proceeded to tell me he was awake and not moving.  In actual fact, he said, it was ME that was moving about!  I, yet again, had to move to another room. How can I deal with such a stubborn selfish attitude?  He will not watch the recording I made of him either.  I am at my wits end and feel sick that my husband thinks I am lying to him.
Avatar universal
So many wives & husbands are making this into such a huge deal.

I have had RLS at times, then it goes away for months.  I don't know the  cause or the cure.  No one does.

Here is what bugs me abouts the posts I see.  Everyone is all upset when the solution if so simple.   When it acts up,  you just sleep in the other room.
End of problem!   No big deal.   Or just go sleep there before any problem happens.
There are no rules saying  you have to sleep together.

Much easier than going on drugs for 20 years.
Get over it,  there are bigger problems in life.
370181 tn?1595629445
Is there ANYONE here who is surprised the above post is from a man?
Avatar universal
Look,  as the  male,  I would be more than happy to go sleep in the other room.  I have done just that.   In those times when mine has been bad, I can't sleep during the episode anyway.

Now, on a positive note.   I went through a period of many months when I had this several times a week,  even every day.
However it then went away for months.   Has only been a problem about 1 night a month for the past couple years.
I had a episode about a week ago.  Tried like heck to figure out what caused it.  No clue.   It went on for a few hours,  then went away.

All very mysterious.  NO ONE knows what it is.   I can get it in my legs and arms.  During my worst periods,  I just get up and read books... very sleepy but better than writhing around in   bed.

Hopefully your husband's episodes will go away.  
You might experiment with dietary choices or with and without alcohol, but that would just be hit and miss.  
I've not read good reports about drugs and would be cautious about something that would dampen down the nerves.

So,  yes, the man (husband) should be the one to go into the other room.
Make it nice in there.   Sort of his own room.  Rather than being sent into the cold "extra" room.  If needed fix up that room.  Buy a new bed that is extremely comfortable.  Maybe one of those Tempur-Pedic mattresses.
As a "medical expense" its not all that big a cost given that it can restore sanity to YOU and perhaps provide more comfort to him.
Or, if he is just overly resistant, then make the extra bedroom all those same wonderful things for yourself.   Turn the entire episode/condition into something good instead of a huge problem.  Reframe the problem.

BTW, don't be surprised if it goes away for years at a time.
Oh yes,  my father also had it and my brother as well.
Probably partially genetic.

370181 tn?1595629445
Nice reply. I should have made it more obvious that I was joking.
My husbands is not bad compared to what I've read here. It has an episode about every 2-3 months and that's it. Yes they wake me up because they are flapping around hitting me. Yes, they keep me awake because of the movement and out of fear that a foot may land where I don't want it to. Do I give him hell the next day, naturally. We've been married 32 years.
If this was a real problem as it is for many people, my husband would see a doctor and follow his advice. I would hope something could be done without drugs and I'd rearrange our sleeping areas rather than insist he take medication.

I am not saying that if it came down to sleeping in different rooms, that it should automatically be the husband who takes his blankie and moves. I would imagine that two adults would have a jolly chat about who wants to change rooms and if it turned out you both wanted the room overlooking the pond, then it would obviously have to come down to a fine bottle of wine, some lovely music and a wrestling match.
You are absolutely correct. No big deal.

And let's not all forget that it might very well spice up our sex lives if we have to sneak around in the dark and hope we're crawling into bed with the right man/woman!

Excuse me, I'm going to go move my stuff out now.
Ain't life grand
370181 tn?1595629445
Sorry................I just about killed myself laughing after I posted my response and reread it, which is backwards, obvioulsy, but just never mind! I was saying that I my husbands RLS was not as bad as some of yours but I wrote the sentence very badly..........."It has an episode about every 2-3 months and that's it."

Oh dear. My DH answers to many names, but "it" currently isn't on the list. Wasn't there a "Cousin It" in the Adams Family old TV show?

I won't tell my husband if you can all keep your pieholes shut! LOL
"It's" Wife
Avatar universal
What a weird response to the problem "Just sleep in the other room". You're assuming we all have "other rooms" that contain furniture to sleep on. Like we have extra bedrooms and extra beds laying around. Not so.
Avatar universal
I have the same problem sleeping with my husband.  If I sleep in the guest bed I sleep great.  He thinks it means we are having marriage problems if we're sleeping in seperate beds.  We have a 3" thick memory foam mattress on top of our top mattress.  I'm wondering if severing that memory foam down the middle would break up some of the movement transferring from his side to my side throughout the night.  What about two seperate twin top mattresses on top of the box spring.  Maybe that would keep his movement from transferring to my side???
Avatar universal
My husband (who is 62) just started having active legs during his sleep.  I don't sleep very well as it is, so the past few nights have been really difficult.  I watched him this morning as he was sleeping, and it was about every minute that he would re-situate or re-settle his legs, but he never woke up.  We have a really good mattress that doesn't transfer movement much, but I found myself waiting for the next minute to pass to see if he would do it again.  This went on for about an hour before I went into another room, which is where I'm headed now to hopefully get a good night's sleep.  :)
Avatar universal
my awesome man is not so awesome at night his RLS comes and goes but its always bad he moves his arms as well as his leg kicking and arms swinging and I am constantly getting hit he has hit me so hard that I now have  badly bruised ribs  it hurts my heart to see that look of horror on his face when he sees what's happened  and I love him so much and I don't know what else to do we have tried everything but its gotten to the point I'm scared to go to sleep even when he's having a good night  Im open to any ideas .    
Oh gosh, that is terrible!  So, talk to his doctor!!  There are medications for restless leg syndrome that might help him!  My husband can jerk around too.  I've never been hit hard but could see how that happens!  Hey, also a suggestion . . . there is the relationships forum here.  Ask what to do when this is the situation sleeping with your partner there from a relationship stand point!  Link to that forum:  https://www.medhelp.org/forums/Relationships/show/78.
We'll try to help!
Avatar universal
This is an old thread, but I think it’s worth leaving this note. Restless leg syndrome is a horrible condition that consists of unbearable creepy crawly sensations experienced by the sufferer. They keep the person experiencing them awake. Most of what is being described in this thread is not RLS, it is PLMD. PLMD is involuntary leg movements that occur during sleep. The sleeper is not aware of them, but obviously the sleeper’s bed partner would be.
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