Hpv disclosure

[nfljcgarcia]

My ex girlfriend had an abnormal pap it was hpv type 16 and ended up needing a leep. She got the results like 4 months after we had been dating. So unlikely it was from me. The doctor told her it had probably been there for about 5 years based on how far advanced it was (I was 36 and she was 25 when we started dating). Anyway we dated for about 2 years and never really used protection. I know after 2 years 90% of hpv infections clear. But this is really messing with my head. My doctor (actually my psychiatrist) told me it was a nonissue and disclosure to future partners was not necessary because everyone’s gonna be exposed. It made me feel better for a little bit. (I have pretty severe ocd btw) but something told me that wasn’t good enough, so I looked for male hpv tests. Found a lab that would do a urine test, so I did it, it came back negative. I was relieved. Then my ocd kicks in and I start wondering why this isn’t fda approved and how accurate it is. I find out probably not very accurate, is that true is there any accuracy to a urine test for males?So I feel like I’m back to square one. I even made an appointment with a urologist and he didn’t really know what to tell me it was just kind of a weird conversation (actually it was a pa that worked at a urology clinic) all he could tell me was maybe infectious disease could help you out and if it makes you feel better just tell the person hey I had an exposure to hpv small chance I have it, ya easier said than done. I just felt like I was spinning my wheels so I gave up. Anyway I ended up hooking up with someone I had kinda had my eye on, by the time this happened it had been about two and a half years since I first started seeing my ex. At the time I told myself I’m going with the medical advice and opinions I had read. I know it’s dumb, but I didn’t even use protection, I felt ok about it at the time. Like I was just following medical advice. And I was no more likely to pass it on than anyone else that was sexually active. It kinda ate at me a little bit. I didn’t really just want a one night stand, but that is what it seems to have turned into, just not sure how interested she actually is (since I was feeling guilty about it I was gonna tell her and give her my rational as to why I didn’t say anything not sure if that’s a good idea? Anyway I haven’t got that chance yet. A couple months go by I’ll hear from her on occasion, but I assume no real interest there. So I start hangin out with another girl, I tell myself I’m not going to do that again I can’t deal with the guilt. Anyway one thing leads to another I had no intentions of sleeping with her but I felt pressured and I caved, and of course we end up hooking up, again we didn’t use protection and Again in the moment I feel it’s ok cuz I’m just going with medical advice, I got tested for all the other testable stds after the first hook up and I was clean). I am literally having the worst anxiety about this and feel like I have done something terrible have I made a morally poor decisions? Have I placed these girls at any increased risk?. It is seriously making me depressed, I am having trouble sleeping and am definitely obsessing over this. I have also read that around 7.3% of males have hpv type 16 and like 2% have type 18 and 25% of males have a strain of high risk hpv is this accurate?, so since I was only with one person for two years and didn’t sleep with anyone else for 2 and a half my odds of having that high risk hpv are 10% and since her hpv test only showed that I wouldn’t have the other types. ( she had multiple tests to monitor her lesion and it always came back as type 16). My odds are actually lower than 25% of having a high risk strain. Am I just rationalizing this to make myself feel better. Sorry I feel like rambling but my guilt is just spiraling out of control and I feel horrible

[GuitarRox]

Sounds like your psych knows you well and understands this is an anxiety issue. YOU were not diagnosed with HPV. There is no reason to suspect you have it or even had it. And remember, a lot of people have had the vaccine for HPV. You definitely sound like you are caught in an anxiety loop. Talk to your therapist and try to move on from this over worry. You tested, you don't have signs of it, it clears. Lots of evidence for why this is unnecessary anxiety. If you can't control your anxiety, work harder on that mental health issue.

[nfljcgarcia]

Thank you for your reply, the one other person I have told have told me the same thing. I do need to make an appointment with my therapist. I'll get on it.

[auntiejessi]

Even if you had hpv - of any strain - it's been long enough to assume it's gone now, and you do not need to disclose.

It would also be a really good idea for you to use condoms. You have a theme of not having power in your activities - you caved, you felt pressured, of course you didn't use protection, etc. I'm not sure what's happening, and that is something you'll want to discuss with your therapist for sure, but you can start with insisting on condom use.

Mental health is just as important as physical health, and I wish you the best as you address yours. :)