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Debate: is watching porn cheating?
I know everyone has their own opinions, I am curious what you guys think. Is it ok to masturbate watching porn, or is that a form of betraying your significant other? Or is it circumstancial, and up to the people in each individual relationship to decide together?
Porn is kinda like cheating. I'm admiring another womans body, sounds, features, looks... Why do I want to look at porn? Because it's the quickest, easiest way to get off. Constant stimulation of that part of my brain. Always fresh, new, and exciting... I am telling the person that I'm with, "You don't please me enough. You do ok, we have sex sometimes... But I want porn too. Not just you." What if I had to choose between porn and my future spouse. What would I choose?
The hardest thing for a porn addict to do is give it up. I will be the first MAN to admit porn DOES affect relationships. And it affects my significant other's sexual feelings towards me. Porn is your infinite, forever-satisfying, digital sex world that no single woman can compete with. I don't think it's healthy for a man and his porn to continue into a relationship with another woman. Just my point of view...
The hardest thing for a porn addict to do is give it up. I will be the first MAN to admit porn DOES affect relationships. And it affects my significant other's sexual feelings towards me. Porn is your infinite, forever-satisfying, digital sex world that no single woman can compete with. I don't think it's healthy for a man and his porn to continue into a relationship with another woman. Just my point of view...
I just got out of a relationship that was destroyed by porn. He would watch it all the time, and even though I begged him to stop he never did. I felt so ugly and worthless. Like, what was wrong with me? I'm a very sexual person and would never turn him down. EVER.
He could never maintain an erection during sex, I'd say by the end he only reached orgasm about 40% of the time. I even forced him to stop watching porn for a week and, surprise, he came many times and we had much better sex. He wasn't wasting himself on his computer so he was able to enjoy me fully. He started watching again though, and we went right back to not being able to complete intercourse. I guess I wasn't worth it?
It broke my heart to see so much porn on his computer, and to know that he didn't want to have sex with me, he wanted those other women more :( I was a fool for staying with him as long as I did, hoping he would change. One time I spent almost $200 on sex toys in an effort to spice things up and be more adventurous, but that didn't do it for him.
I hate that I didn't get as much attention from him as those ******, I hate that I wasn't good enough... how was I, one woman, supposed to compete against the thousands upon thousands of women on his computer??? HOW?!!? It's not fair!
I realize now that I deserve much better. I deserve a man for whom I am enough. One day I'll meet a man who loves me and desires me, and would forget about all other women in the world because I'm everything to him. I still cry myself to sleep at night because my self-esteem hasn't fully recovered. I still cringe when I hear the word "porn" or other related topics because it brings back the awful memories. I don't want the sex industry butting into my relationship again.
He could never maintain an erection during sex, I'd say by the end he only reached orgasm about 40% of the time. I even forced him to stop watching porn for a week and, surprise, he came many times and we had much better sex. He wasn't wasting himself on his computer so he was able to enjoy me fully. He started watching again though, and we went right back to not being able to complete intercourse. I guess I wasn't worth it?
It broke my heart to see so much porn on his computer, and to know that he didn't want to have sex with me, he wanted those other women more :( I was a fool for staying with him as long as I did, hoping he would change. One time I spent almost $200 on sex toys in an effort to spice things up and be more adventurous, but that didn't do it for him.
I hate that I didn't get as much attention from him as those ******, I hate that I wasn't good enough... how was I, one woman, supposed to compete against the thousands upon thousands of women on his computer??? HOW?!!? It's not fair!
I realize now that I deserve much better. I deserve a man for whom I am enough. One day I'll meet a man who loves me and desires me, and would forget about all other women in the world because I'm everything to him. I still cry myself to sleep at night because my self-esteem hasn't fully recovered. I still cringe when I hear the word "porn" or other related topics because it brings back the awful memories. I don't want the sex industry butting into my relationship again.
I sympathize.
I also relate. For the first year and a half, he lied, said that he didn't need it now that he had me. I also gave him naked photos of myself, and I have never once in the years we have been together turned him down for sex. I am not exaggerating. Never. Once. In. All. Those. Years.
He told me that he has a very low sex-drive, and thats why we don't have sex but a few times a month. ********. He is in his early 20s. I am an hourglass, in great shape, more than average attractive by far and men stare at me constantly when I'm out. I am also really skilled in bed. I have no problem getting the guy I want, never have, and they all tell me I'm one of the best, if not the best lays they have ever had.
Here is what happened. Porn addiction. And no, he doesn't hole up and wank for hours on end, he has simply hard-wired himself to prefer it over sex, and he was willing to lose me over porn.
When I met him, he was a virgin. At first, sex was something new and novel to him but then he got lazy and apathetic and went back to what he knows best - jerking off to airbrushed images of women.
We hadn't had sex in a month, and when I even bring it up he will shut down, or RAGE at me. He finally admitted during that month that we hadn't had sex, he had been using porn the whole time.
Low sex drive? Yeah, for -real- sex.
So here I am, in a sexless relationship, while hes pouring his libido into images of other women.
And people say porn isn't a problem.
I also relate. For the first year and a half, he lied, said that he didn't need it now that he had me. I also gave him naked photos of myself, and I have never once in the years we have been together turned him down for sex. I am not exaggerating. Never. Once. In. All. Those. Years.
He told me that he has a very low sex-drive, and thats why we don't have sex but a few times a month. ********. He is in his early 20s. I am an hourglass, in great shape, more than average attractive by far and men stare at me constantly when I'm out. I am also really skilled in bed. I have no problem getting the guy I want, never have, and they all tell me I'm one of the best, if not the best lays they have ever had.
Here is what happened. Porn addiction. And no, he doesn't hole up and wank for hours on end, he has simply hard-wired himself to prefer it over sex, and he was willing to lose me over porn.
When I met him, he was a virgin. At first, sex was something new and novel to him but then he got lazy and apathetic and went back to what he knows best - jerking off to airbrushed images of women.
We hadn't had sex in a month, and when I even bring it up he will shut down, or RAGE at me. He finally admitted during that month that we hadn't had sex, he had been using porn the whole time.
Low sex drive? Yeah, for -real- sex.
So here I am, in a sexless relationship, while hes pouring his libido into images of other women.
And people say porn isn't a problem.
Logically, I will demonstrate how it is a violation of the romantic relationship contract.
Now, people will say, "if I merely fantasize about killing someone, should I go to jail for it" - no, you did not commit the murder. Then they compare sexual fantasy, but look at it this way:
If your friend wants to kill you, fantasizes about it, but doesn't actually do it, do you still want to remain in that kind of relationship? Probably not, because the trust is violated within that type of relationship contract. A friendly relationship is built on basic trust. Now, a romantic relationship is built on something a little more complicated: Sexual and romantic loyalty. How can one violate the foundation of that, with their thoughts and feelings:
Well, a romantic relationship is not a government. There are not merely rules to follow and little loopholes, and thats 'ok;' you can screw up emotionally with merely your thoughts and it damages the other person. When someone is fantasizing about people who are not you, it does hurt, just like it would hurt to find out your friend thinks of killing you.
Your partner is living out an infidelity in their mind.
Furthermore, their dopamine reward system doesn't know its not real sex -- and they will begin to associate the people in porn, with orgasm, and that starts the brain's chemical cocktail swirling around in their head, making them feel not only sexual desire, but a general affinity for porn. Their brain chemistry "falls in love" the way they did with you, but now they have created this bond with something new.
Everyone knows thats the quickest way to end romance in your relationship, fall for someone else -- well, it may only be a fantasy girl, but your brain chemistry does not know the difference.
There was a study done where men would rate their partners appearance, and even intelligence, before, and after indulging in porn for a while. The man rated their partner's lower, after using porn. Their brains become rewired to associate women in porn, with orgasm; thats where their interest is now placed.
An article on that study:
http://goodmenproject.com/health/how-porn-can-ruin-your-sex-life-and-your-marriage/
Hopefully those who naively think porn isn't cheating, can glean some knowledge from this, and for those who know its cheating; well, perhaps show all of this to your porn addicted partner. You can find loads of research to back this up if you google it.
Now, people will say, "if I merely fantasize about killing someone, should I go to jail for it" - no, you did not commit the murder. Then they compare sexual fantasy, but look at it this way:
If your friend wants to kill you, fantasizes about it, but doesn't actually do it, do you still want to remain in that kind of relationship? Probably not, because the trust is violated within that type of relationship contract. A friendly relationship is built on basic trust. Now, a romantic relationship is built on something a little more complicated: Sexual and romantic loyalty. How can one violate the foundation of that, with their thoughts and feelings:
Well, a romantic relationship is not a government. There are not merely rules to follow and little loopholes, and thats 'ok;' you can screw up emotionally with merely your thoughts and it damages the other person. When someone is fantasizing about people who are not you, it does hurt, just like it would hurt to find out your friend thinks of killing you.
Your partner is living out an infidelity in their mind.
Furthermore, their dopamine reward system doesn't know its not real sex -- and they will begin to associate the people in porn, with orgasm, and that starts the brain's chemical cocktail swirling around in their head, making them feel not only sexual desire, but a general affinity for porn. Their brain chemistry "falls in love" the way they did with you, but now they have created this bond with something new.
Everyone knows thats the quickest way to end romance in your relationship, fall for someone else -- well, it may only be a fantasy girl, but your brain chemistry does not know the difference.
There was a study done where men would rate their partners appearance, and even intelligence, before, and after indulging in porn for a while. The man rated their partner's lower, after using porn. Their brains become rewired to associate women in porn, with orgasm; thats where their interest is now placed.
An article on that study:
http://goodmenproject.com/health/how-porn-can-ruin-your-sex-life-and-your-marriage/
Hopefully those who naively think porn isn't cheating, can glean some knowledge from this, and for those who know its cheating; well, perhaps show all of this to your porn addicted partner. You can find loads of research to back this up if you google it.
It may not be cheating in a physical form,but let me put it in another way.If I was thinking of another man,when I was having sex with my partner is that a form of cheating.???..I really don't think,my boyfriend would appreciate or feel manly,if while having sex with him, I was thinking of another guy, I saw on the street and found attractive or an actor,I find sexy and the orgasm,he thinks he just gave me,comes from the fantasy,I just created in my head.Woman have to feel,sexy and attractive to have a good sex life and that comes from,how they feel with their partners,but men on the other hands are visual creatures, and need to be visually stimulated to be sexually aroused,so if my partner is viewing other women and masturbating to them,when I'm not around and not using porn as a form of sexual stimil with me, and done with respect,it is a form of cheating,maybe a safe form and but it's done in secret, and lying is involved and the other person feels, hurt and it affects how they feel,in their relationship with their partner,then it is a form of cheating.,It all about a Trust issue and when that is broken,it's hard to rebuilt.
When the both of you are comfortable with it and have no issues with it.then it is fine,it will not affect your relationship,trust or your sex life,because you respected your partners feelings.When you care about someone, you should always ask yourself,how would they feel and what harm could it do,if they found out,
When the both of you are comfortable with it and have no issues with it.then it is fine,it will not affect your relationship,trust or your sex life,because you respected your partners feelings.When you care about someone, you should always ask yourself,how would they feel and what harm could it do,if they found out,
People get around this issue because of the way we ask the question. Is it Cheating?? Not really, that is if you define cheating as the act of sexual physical contact with someone other than your significant other. If you define cheating as something more broad, than it is certainly cheating.
Interestingly, pornography affects us all very similarly. Pornography drives a wedge in your relationship and your relationship will never, NEVER, be what it can if you are into pornography. I challenge you not with the question of if it is cheating, but whether or not it is HELPING your relationship.
In my personal and professional opinion, pornography is never helpful in a relationship. It does something to most of us that we don’t quite understand. Anyway, it would take a lot more explaining than people would want to read. If you have to ask the question, you already know the answer. I have the feeling you just want someone to tell you it is OK.
I will say this. A couple people said men needed to masturbate and we need to have sex. Sex is procreation and it is super fun. However, I have never read nor heard anyone dying from going without. I am not saying sexual activity is not a powerful and driving force in our world. But necessity??? Think about that one.
Interestingly, pornography affects us all very similarly. Pornography drives a wedge in your relationship and your relationship will never, NEVER, be what it can if you are into pornography. I challenge you not with the question of if it is cheating, but whether or not it is HELPING your relationship.
In my personal and professional opinion, pornography is never helpful in a relationship. It does something to most of us that we don’t quite understand. Anyway, it would take a lot more explaining than people would want to read. If you have to ask the question, you already know the answer. I have the feeling you just want someone to tell you it is OK.
I will say this. A couple people said men needed to masturbate and we need to have sex. Sex is procreation and it is super fun. However, I have never read nor heard anyone dying from going without. I am not saying sexual activity is not a powerful and driving force in our world. But necessity??? Think about that one.
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