Fiance lost sexual attraction towards me

[willdo21]

My fiance and I have been together for a year and 7 months now. We had an outstanding sex life for the first month to month and a half then she started experiencing pain during sex. It became so painful that we stopped having sex for a long period of time to let her body heal. Which it turns out it may have been the birth control that she was on that caused it. Needless to say we only had the honeymoon phase of the sex which was at least every other day and missed the experimental phase when you figure out what each other likes. Well the year waiting killed her sex drive completely ( or thats what she conveyed to me at least). We were always emotional with each other, always said I love. We loved to have fun, chasing each other through the house and just picking on each other. As she healed we tried having sex and it never really picked back up. This has become a huge issue because we both view a healthy sex life as half of a relationship and very important. It turns out she finally told me the reason why the sex hadn't picked back up was because yes her sex drive has came back but she cannot seem to get excited about having sex with me. Basically that she is not sexually attracted to me. This has been bothering both of us a lot because we are due to get married in May 2010 and we are now both having seconds thoughts because of this. She has no idea when it started or why, I thought it could maybe be a psychological thing since she never had pain during sex untill me but I'm just speculating. We really want to resolve this because we love each other very much and want to make it work. Any suggestions would be much appreciated, please help!!!

[severin76]

I agree that sexotherapy or couple therapy with a good expert in this field would be the best step now. If she says she is not sexually attracted to you, it is a very dangerous thing for a long term relationship with potential sources of destructive results...
Meanwhile, it would be great if she could at least satisfy your sexual needs via non-coital sexual activities (oral, manual sex...) if both of you find it acceptable and helpful.
If I were you, I would not ignore this problem and I would not rely on some mysterious disappearance of this problem without addressing the underlying causes and dealing with the problem can be crucial for the success of your marriage. If it does not improve, I would think twice before getting married, if things stay as they are now, I am afraid that you are on the best way to have a sexless or sex starved marriage (especially after children are born, it can be a funeral of your sex life with her). I am quite aware of the possible dangers and of the necessity of having a sexually compatible partner in a committed relationship, because this problem (low sex desire of my ex-partners) was responsible for the destruction of several relationships in my life (sexual frustration and other problems resulting from the mismatch of sex drives and desires etc), it ruined my life pretty well (resulting to one divorce and losing the contact with my child from my ex-marriage etc...). That´s why I see all kinds of nightmares in these problems... Now, since I started to have a relationship with my current girlfriend 2+years ago, I have been  much happier and the quality of this relationship cannot be compared to my previous relationships as her sexual needs and desired frequency etc is the same as mine and this sexual compatibility makes a huge difference (in positive terms) for the quality of the relationship as a whole.
I wish you the best of luck in solving of this unpleasant situation.

[Birchrus01]

Another suggestion, my girlfriend really likes it when i eat her out. i hurt my penis and i've been doing this for her to keep her sexdrive going while i heel. but what i've found, is she really likes this. maybe you should try that. another suggestion, is sleep petting. sometimes i play with my gf clit while she sleeps. when she wakes up she's usually really horny, talking about dirty dreams.

[willdo21]

I do work out quite a bit actually, I lift weights 4 days a week and like to run,  I was in the army for 4 years and I like to keep myself in shape.  she says the vibrator isn't working for her that much anymore because well she has used it a lot in place of sex.  She has never really liked foreplay, and usually was very easy to get in the mood and wanted to go straight to sex.  Although we are up for anything at this point, so foreplay is an option as well as other toys.  Thanks for the input, I very much appreciate it, I do think the therapist idea is prolly the best option, she is very stubborn sometimes so getting her to go may be difficult but if she wants to work it out she will.  Thank you again.

[Birchrus01]

This is a serious condition. you should seek out a sex therapist. (yes, such things exist) you might want to try foreplay, or toys. a god vibrator always works. you could consider working out, maybe that would appeal to her.