Aa
Save my sexlife!!!
I am a 25 year old female in a loving relationship. We've been going out for 2 years now and we have been experiencing problems for quite some time now.
A bit of background - I have never had an orgasm with a man, I told my boyfriend right at the beginning about this, and he wasn't that concerned - he was sure that he would be able to help me in this regard. He was very supportive and tried every trick in the book to help me. He tried and tried, and while he was tryin I focused on achieving my elusive orgasm to please him. Unfortunately I did forget to give him the reassurance he needed. He felt aweful everytime he failed. Slowly but surely he stopped wanting to have sex with me and could no longer try for my sake. He felt damaged by the experience and he needs to be rebuilt to be able to want to put the kind of effort i need into our sexlife.
So now we hardly ever have sex and when we do we both wish we hadn't - it makes thing worse. We both want to make this work but don't know what to do. My elusive orgasm is no longer the biggest problem, the problem is that we dont even want to have sex with each other anymore.
I love my boyfriend, and i need to find a way to make him want to have sex with me and want to spend time pleasuring me.
Please help!!!!!!
A bit of background - I have never had an orgasm with a man, I told my boyfriend right at the beginning about this, and he wasn't that concerned - he was sure that he would be able to help me in this regard. He was very supportive and tried every trick in the book to help me. He tried and tried, and while he was tryin I focused on achieving my elusive orgasm to please him. Unfortunately I did forget to give him the reassurance he needed. He felt aweful everytime he failed. Slowly but surely he stopped wanting to have sex with me and could no longer try for my sake. He felt damaged by the experience and he needs to be rebuilt to be able to want to put the kind of effort i need into our sexlife.
So now we hardly ever have sex and when we do we both wish we hadn't - it makes thing worse. We both want to make this work but don't know what to do. My elusive orgasm is no longer the biggest problem, the problem is that we dont even want to have sex with each other anymore.
I love my boyfriend, and i need to find a way to make him want to have sex with me and want to spend time pleasuring me.
Please help!!!!!!
Hi,
I had the same problem and I when I got serious with a guy I would always tell them about "my issue"and they all thought they would get me there, it didnt happen. When I was pregnant with my 3rd son, and married, I still had this issue, never had an orgasm, honestly I didnt even tried any more, then I went online and google female orgasm and I ran into this website and there was a story about a woman masturbating with an electric toothbrush, and I decided to give it a try. right away I felt something I never felt before, but I was scared, because I was pregnant and I felt pressure down there, I called my husband and told him right away. And that is the only way I can have an orgasm, with an electric toothbrush, is embarrassing but thats what works for me. I try to use it with my husband but we only achieved to have an orgasm at the same time a few times, but it feels great and he can feel the difference when it happens. Give it a try, just put the bristles on whatever side of the clitoris feels better and just let go. After you achieve to an orgasm by yourself it will be easier to do it with your boyfriend. Sometimes my hubby and I have sex and I dont have one so when he is done I use my electric tooth brush and he just hugs me and kisses me until I'm done, we have accepted my reality and are very happy.
give it a try, it might work, no vibrator ever worked, I wish I tried my ETB a long time ago. Good luck!!!
I had the same problem and I when I got serious with a guy I would always tell them about "my issue"and they all thought they would get me there, it didnt happen. When I was pregnant with my 3rd son, and married, I still had this issue, never had an orgasm, honestly I didnt even tried any more, then I went online and google female orgasm and I ran into this website and there was a story about a woman masturbating with an electric toothbrush, and I decided to give it a try. right away I felt something I never felt before, but I was scared, because I was pregnant and I felt pressure down there, I called my husband and told him right away. And that is the only way I can have an orgasm, with an electric toothbrush, is embarrassing but thats what works for me. I try to use it with my husband but we only achieved to have an orgasm at the same time a few times, but it feels great and he can feel the difference when it happens. Give it a try, just put the bristles on whatever side of the clitoris feels better and just let go. After you achieve to an orgasm by yourself it will be easier to do it with your boyfriend. Sometimes my hubby and I have sex and I dont have one so when he is done I use my electric tooth brush and he just hugs me and kisses me until I'm done, we have accepted my reality and are very happy.
give it a try, it might work, no vibrator ever worked, I wish I tried my ETB a long time ago. Good luck!!!
Hi cat640,
I know this is going to sound weird but you probably did the right thing by faking it. Because i never did i have always been aware that he is aware that i cant orgasm (u get the point) he was of course very supportive but i just couldnt handle him going down on me. when he used to try i pretty much fought him off. All he wanted me to do was relax and enjoy. Well, anyways i have thought about relaxing those muscles down below - and one time i peed in his mouth!! yip - remember to EMPTY the bladder!!! We were able to laugh about it after a while but that added to my distraction when he went down on me.
I actually was trying hypnotherapy (this is a long distance relationship so I was trying this when we were apart for 4 months) and I thought i would work. So when i arrived in Australia (he is from Australia) we ran to the bedroom and jumped into bed. I tried so hard to relax when he went down on me but i couldn't, i tried reading a book for &^% sack! it didn't work, i started crying, and he said he felt as though i wasn't even in the room... so that was pretty much the last straw and now the problem is that we dont have sex and when we do he doesn't try at all. I want to make him want to have sex with me, and to want to try again. If he could try again hey maybe i could relax. But the big one right now is motivating him to want to give me pleasure. I know this means i'm gonna have to give him a lot in the beginning, and that is fine, i want to give us a shot.
I dont suppose you would have any advise in that area too?
Thanks again for sharing your experience with me :)
I know this is going to sound weird but you probably did the right thing by faking it. Because i never did i have always been aware that he is aware that i cant orgasm (u get the point) he was of course very supportive but i just couldnt handle him going down on me. when he used to try i pretty much fought him off. All he wanted me to do was relax and enjoy. Well, anyways i have thought about relaxing those muscles down below - and one time i peed in his mouth!! yip - remember to EMPTY the bladder!!! We were able to laugh about it after a while but that added to my distraction when he went down on me.
I actually was trying hypnotherapy (this is a long distance relationship so I was trying this when we were apart for 4 months) and I thought i would work. So when i arrived in Australia (he is from Australia) we ran to the bedroom and jumped into bed. I tried so hard to relax when he went down on me but i couldn't, i tried reading a book for &^% sack! it didn't work, i started crying, and he said he felt as though i wasn't even in the room... so that was pretty much the last straw and now the problem is that we dont have sex and when we do he doesn't try at all. I want to make him want to have sex with me, and to want to try again. If he could try again hey maybe i could relax. But the big one right now is motivating him to want to give me pleasure. I know this means i'm gonna have to give him a lot in the beginning, and that is fine, i want to give us a shot.
I dont suppose you would have any advise in that area too?
Thanks again for sharing your experience with me :)
even to this day, I still HAVE to have clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm... I'm now 26. It turns my husband on when I rub my clit and he knows that I love it when he goes down on me and ***** on that special little part down there that makes the magic happen.
Give it time, because he was down there for about 10 minutes when I finally came!
Give it time, because he was down there for about 10 minutes when I finally came!
Ok, I think I may be able to help... hopefully! This is going to have a be a bit graphic though in order for me to explain...
I had the same problem for a long time as well, I faked every orgasm until I was about 22. One night when my boyfriend was going down on me, I just let myself completely relax and got really turned on. He was sucking on my clit repeatedly. I had always wanted to experience an orgasm. It felt so good, and I just let my vaginal muscles relax, similar to when you go pee. (make sure to empty your bladder before sex!!) and then all of a sudden I felt like chills come over my body, I seriously didn't know what the heck was going on... and then it happened, I had an orgasm!! Ever since then, I had them almost every time we had sex. I learned that clitoral stimulation was exactly what I needed to have one.
You can rub your own clit in a circular motion during sex... like when he's doing you from the back or when you're on top of him. You can also practice having an orgasm all by yourself... when you have some alone time, try masterbating because you let go of all inhibitions when you're alone and are able to completely relax. That is probably one of your problems. My friend recommended that I try a mini vibrator to place on your clitoris... and let me tell you, it's amazing. You can also use it during sex!!
I hope these tips help. I know how frustrating it can be for the guys when the girl doesn't have an orgasm. It *****. That's why I always faked it. Until that one glorious night!!! Never had to fake it again! Just remember, relax those muscles down there!!! You have to know how your body works and then you'll know exactly what to do!!
I had the same problem for a long time as well, I faked every orgasm until I was about 22. One night when my boyfriend was going down on me, I just let myself completely relax and got really turned on. He was sucking on my clit repeatedly. I had always wanted to experience an orgasm. It felt so good, and I just let my vaginal muscles relax, similar to when you go pee. (make sure to empty your bladder before sex!!) and then all of a sudden I felt like chills come over my body, I seriously didn't know what the heck was going on... and then it happened, I had an orgasm!! Ever since then, I had them almost every time we had sex. I learned that clitoral stimulation was exactly what I needed to have one.
You can rub your own clit in a circular motion during sex... like when he's doing you from the back or when you're on top of him. You can also practice having an orgasm all by yourself... when you have some alone time, try masterbating because you let go of all inhibitions when you're alone and are able to completely relax. That is probably one of your problems. My friend recommended that I try a mini vibrator to place on your clitoris... and let me tell you, it's amazing. You can also use it during sex!!
I hope these tips help. I know how frustrating it can be for the guys when the girl doesn't have an orgasm. It *****. That's why I always faked it. Until that one glorious night!!! Never had to fake it again! Just remember, relax those muscles down there!!! You have to know how your body works and then you'll know exactly what to do!!
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