Ways to eliminate libido (male)

[DadFrustrated]

Hello - I'm a reasonably healthy, 47 year old man with an enormous libido, married to a woman with mental and physical challenges which leave her borderline asexual (through no fault of her own, of course).  I am not trying to change anything about her at all - her problems far outweigh mine, and I do everything I can to support her in every way.  The problem is pretty obvious - and after 12 years, I'm at the end of my rope.  I have tried counseling/therapy, exercise, diet changes, acupuncture, supplements (licorice root, chasteberry, etc), occupying myself to the point of exhaustion, and so forth, but nothing is really working.  I've been doing some reading about androgen deprivation therapy, since no Drs will give me a prescription for a serious antiandrogen (like Depo Provera, used for chemical castrations outside the US), but I can't find anything reliable on HOW to go about it.
So my question is, do any of you have any experience with any non-perscription methods for completely killing the male libido?  I have very little free time (4 kids & other ill family members I help take care of, plus a full time job, cooking, cleaning, blah blah blah) so spending 5 hours in the gym or going fly fishing every day is not really an option :-)
Even if there was just a better way for me to COPE with it, other than trying to keep in mind that it's no more her fault than it is mine, or that the world is filled with people who have it way harder than I do (which I fully realize, and am grateful for the life I have).

Thank you in advance for any thoughts.

[specialmom]

That's a hard one.  I'm sorry that you are in this situation but I too commend you for being faithful to your commitment.  Life does get in the way of things that we used to have as a primary focus and lots of time for.  SOMEONE has to take care of kids, sick relatives, house, etc.  That's the lot we draw in life and we have to deal.  That our sex life gets squished out, it stinks.  Masturbation?  That doesn't help?  Your wife willing to give a little that does not require her to have intercourse or anything physically very strenuous?  I do think you can talk to your doctor about this.  I don't know of a treatment specifically to kill libido but plenty of things do.  Antidepressants such as SSRI's for one can have issues with libido.  Finding a  way to lesson your testosterone?  So, you can talk to your doctor.  While it all sounds drastic to us, there is no way for us to judge.  You love your family and are trying to work on this.  I hope you find a way to resolve it!  peace

[DadFrustrated]

Thank you for taking the time to read and respond.  Unfortunately, for me, "taking care of it myself" really leads to more frustration and a bit of a depression.  I know that sounds weird, but in the back of my head, I'm thinking that I shouldn't have to do this - which is NOT the right attitude, I know.

Anyway, I'm still looking for a primary care doctor to discuss this with.  Fingers crossed!

[legz3139]

First let me say that I commend you as a man and a husband for standing by your wife when she needs you.

As a woman I say do not take anything to "chemically castrate" yourself.  That is a very permanant solution and your situation may change in the future.  And once your libido starts to drop it is going to be gone and you really need that testosterone for other aspects of your life.  You need that energy to do all the things that you need to do to care for yourself and your wife.  My husbands testosterone started dropping and he had no energy to even work without a nap during the day.  SO a good sex drive is a good thing even if it is a bit bothersome on other areas of your life.

There are basically 3 solutions and you may want to discuss them with your wife.  I think it is a decision to be made by both of you together.

1. Just deal with it, which really sucks.
2. Take some time each night to masturbate, invest in a really good Fleshlight.
3. Get a friend with benefits, it is not cheating if you have permission.  

  

[DadFrustrated]

Thank you for the response - I really appreciate your feedback!

[DadFrustrated]

Also, my apologies for the delay.  I kind of gave up after a few days!  

The problem with discussing with the wife is twofold.
1) She doesn't agree that the problem is that significant (which compared to the other things going on, it's not... at least not for her).
2) She once said that the problem is really more that I'm insatiable (which is NOT true at all).
So, she would never be open to the friends with benefits thing :-(

Thank you again!!!!!!!