12 year old Daughter won't sleep alone and has to have all the lights on

[mommamia49]

(Side bar) My husband snores so instead of sleeping on the couch I have taken over the guest bedroom nearly two years ago.

In the past 6 months my 12 year old daughter's sleeping patterns have changed.  She has to fall asleep in her own room with every light on.  If I turn any of them off after she has gone to bed, she gets up and turns them back on (even if I think she is sound asleep).  Now she has decided to come in and sleep in the other twin bed in the room where I sleep  She falls asleep in her own bed (supposedly) and then in the middle of the night she comes in and turns on the lights in my room and goes to sleep.  The lights WAKE ME UP and so I get up and turn them off, and then I am awake, can't get back to sleep for about an hour.  As soon as I am almost asleep she gets up and turns them back on.  (Even the ceiling fan she'll turn off becuase she's cold, well, if it's off I can't sleep because I'm perimenopausal and need the cool air).  I post notes on the light switches "DO NOT TOUCH", on the fan "DO NOT TURN OFF".  

She writes me long-winded apologies during the middle of the night that I find in the morning and then apologizes profusely every morning.   It's making me crazy.  I sometimes get up and go sleep in her bed, and it's not ten minutes later she's in the room standing over me begging me to come back and sleep with her.   I need sleep.  She needs sleep.  I am becoming more and more cranky by the moment.  It's not right for her either to be going through something that she feels the need to apologize for all the time...  I don't want this to be our legacy.  She is a very sweet, intelligent young lady whom Iove with all my heart, but...

Please help...I hate to think about meds... there's got to be a behavioral issue to fix this..

[jb1wilson]

Really???  
.....  It better work because it if doesn't this poor child will have even deeper emotional problems...  

[Aussiedeb]

My 14yo daughter is afraid to fall asleep and sleep in her own room.  For about 2 weeks she slept on an air mattress in the living room.  She is in counseling and yesterday we had our appointment with a child/adolescent psychiatrist.  He put her on Zoloft.

Her problem is that she had been living with her father and brother in Australia while I was here in the USA (long story for another time).  She was constantly subjected to phsyical and emotional abuse, which I am now finding out how bd it really was, and believe me I was not happy.

It took her boyfriend to tell her she needs to sleep in her room again for her to listen.  She says that something touches her feet in the middle of night and is convinced that there are spirits living in her closet.. we now close that door and barricade it.

Please seek professional help for your daughter, if you leave it too long, the behavioral changes will be extremely difficult.

Take Care

[elli01]

HI, I have just posted a similar problem with my 11 year daughter who now takes to sleeping on the floor next to us! i cannot dicipline her and cannot give in as neither works! she is obviously scared but nothing is bothering her at school as i have sat and talked to her. we are both sleep deprived and i am thinking of just leting her sleep on the floor if this helps...

[GrandmaA]

I would put the lock on the guest room door and also take her to a counselor to find out why all of a sudden she doesn't like to sleep alone and must have all the lights on. That is not energy efficient and costs a lot of money, also. You have to find out why she's afraid after years of sleeping alone in the dark. Something else is going on.

[Suri123]

Hi, at this age she is old enough to know that she will miss you as days pass on , the love and comfort she gets from you as her mother, may be due to some horrifying incident or a dream she has gone through sometime she feels insecured and needs to be with you, speak with her the reason what she feels for lights to be on while sleeping. you can consult you family physician and also a behavior therapist who can help you.

[noops01]

hi,
yes i think she is afraid of sleeping in the dark and the fact that she comes to your room at night indicates that she is looking for some support and comfort from you. Please sit down and talk to her as to what is troubling her.

[bhumi123]

Hi,
You definitely need to consult her pediatrician and if he/she advises and thinks it appropriate a child psychologist too. Is your daughter having any troulbles at school or with her friends- related to the studies or peer pressure or the kind of campany she keeps. She could have formed a fear to sleeping alone or sleeping in the dark. You need to sit and talk with her in detail what seems to be the issue and why does she need the lights on. Also discuss with her any problems she might be facing with friends or school. Has she been watching a lot of television or any of those scary/ terror/ thriller movies on her own or with her friends that could possibly expain this?

[maggiemag]

No one can function well without adequate sleep.  I would lock the door so she couldn't get in, frankly.  It may seem extreme but I don't believe it is with a 12 year old, a little kid, maybe.  Your husband would be available to her if she needed an adult for an emergency, plus you would be also after you unlock your door.  She is certainly old enough to know that you need your sleep, and it must be a behavioral issue of some sort.  Perhaps you could speak with her pediatrician.