Bad anxiety/depression briefly after smoking cigarettes

[RedOnChrome]

I am in my mid 20's, and have been struggling to quit smoking for a little over a year now. It seems like I will quit successfully for one or two months, and then end up relapsing. When I do smoke, it is very lightly, as in one or two cigarettes a day, unless I go out drinking for a night, at which time I smoke more heavily.

Lately, immediately during, and after smoking a cigarette, I begin to suffer from pretty severe depression and anxiety for a period of about 25 minutes. It will start approximately half way through the cigarette. Generally, I will start feeling like a failure, because of how long I have been trying to quit, but obviously haven't. Then, a couple of minutes later, I will get racing, and disturbing thoughts and the depression worsens.

The strange thing is that it seems to be getting worse every time I smoke. This last time scared me so bad, it is what prompted me to find this forum and post this question.

I am certain this is brought forth by nicotine, and not just me being disappointed in myself for failing to quit (although that does play a part), because of the immediate nature, and time frame which it lasts after smoking. I briefly searched google, and only found information on anxiety and depression after quitting for a period of time, and not directly after smoking.

I am interested to hear if anyone has had experiences like this, or if anyone at least has any insight into the situation. Thank you.

[allmymarbles]

Obviously it is not the cigarettes causing your problem, but your reaction to having to smoke. If quitting makes you ill, it would seem that a couple of cigarettes a day would not do much harm. I know that the all-or-nothing advocates a gearing up right now to attack me. But, be reasonable. If all it takes to make you happy is two cigarettes a day, then smoke two cigarettes a day. Your anxiety is much more harmful than such mild habit.