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Young Lawyer can't quit
The stress from my job is killing me, but I can't quit smoking no matter how hard I try....
I've been smoking since I was twelve, smoking regularly throughout high school, smoking even more college and law school; and kept on smoking during my two years working as a law clerk for the county courthouse, almost two packs a day for the past ten years --- and I just dont know how to quit. My new job as a entry level associate has me so stressed out Im smoking more than ever, but its getting me into trouble at work because Im always needing to take smoke breaks at the office, usually two or three in the morning, another for lunch, and at least another two or three more smoke breaks every the afternoon.
My new boss even recently complained that I always smell overpoweringly like stale cigarettes!! Even though I wear alot of perfume and chew alot of Nicorette Mint gum, its still not enough! Im afraid Chantix would make my anxiety attacks even worse and terrified of the thought of not being able to smoke again. I know thats just the addiction talking, but I dont know what else to do.
I've been smoking since I was twelve, smoking regularly throughout high school, smoking even more college and law school; and kept on smoking during my two years working as a law clerk for the county courthouse, almost two packs a day for the past ten years --- and I just dont know how to quit. My new job as a entry level associate has me so stressed out Im smoking more than ever, but its getting me into trouble at work because Im always needing to take smoke breaks at the office, usually two or three in the morning, another for lunch, and at least another two or three more smoke breaks every the afternoon.
My new boss even recently complained that I always smell overpoweringly like stale cigarettes!! Even though I wear alot of perfume and chew alot of Nicorette Mint gum, its still not enough! Im afraid Chantix would make my anxiety attacks even worse and terrified of the thought of not being able to smoke again. I know thats just the addiction talking, but I dont know what else to do.
Steph, I am going to comment from the bottom of your post up... Your personality flaws and smoking are probably all related somehow. You'd be amazed at what you can discover about yourself and destructive behavior in some therapy sessions.
As far as your discipline.... it's only discipline if it is consistent, other wise you can call it a "breather". You smoking and chewing Nicorette is a pretty big concern and I am not for sure how you haven't had some kind of fit from nicotine overdose. (I tried to quit a few years back and was using the patch, nicorette, and still using all at the same time.... I got sicker than hell) Cutting back is simply that, but if you are adding more nicorette to the system, you are choosing a different delivery system for nicotine. (Kind of like a heroine junky saying with a happy tone in his voice, "hey, I'm not shooting up any more" while he is smoking the crap".
Your "zen moment" needs to be more consistent, or should I say grow it. Moment needs to turn into hour, which needs to turn into half days, then days, then week. Quitting needs to occupy your thoughts. If it doesn't, you won't quit. (Not trying to burst your bubble, but cutting back is still smoking.....you get a pat on the back from the worlds smallest hand) 49 smokes a day, and drilling them 2-3 at a time is more than most people can fathom. You need to make an escape/quit plan, and ponder it. Think about what its going to take, what its going to be like to be smoke free... visualize all of the positive.... visualize your lungs rebuilding, your throat rebuilding, your mouth and teeth healing. Imagine your internal organs, (think liver, which is responsible for processing the hundreds of chemicals that smoking produces) getting a break. Bottom line, your overall health is going to improve, and imagine that.....
Stephanie, you can do this, but you have to want to. You're possibly not there yet. How often or frequently do you think of quitting? Thinking about it is the first step. Start to think of it more... make your quit plan... start thinking of how to incorporate it, plan your quit date.... plan alternatives to times when you want a smoke and try cutting back using the alternatives, start throwing out things that remind you of smoking like spare lighters and ashtrays, think more and more about quitting and your quit date, then when the quit date comes...... its over. You may fail.... hell, you may relapse. If you do, you take what went well and apply it to your next quit and adjust what went wrong.
Something else you need is a support system. This is good. The journal section on your profile is a good place to vent. Join something like quitnet.org or quitnet.com.
Quitting takes everything you have at first.... it does get easier.
As far as your discipline.... it's only discipline if it is consistent, other wise you can call it a "breather". You smoking and chewing Nicorette is a pretty big concern and I am not for sure how you haven't had some kind of fit from nicotine overdose. (I tried to quit a few years back and was using the patch, nicorette, and still using all at the same time.... I got sicker than hell) Cutting back is simply that, but if you are adding more nicorette to the system, you are choosing a different delivery system for nicotine. (Kind of like a heroine junky saying with a happy tone in his voice, "hey, I'm not shooting up any more" while he is smoking the crap".
Your "zen moment" needs to be more consistent, or should I say grow it. Moment needs to turn into hour, which needs to turn into half days, then days, then week. Quitting needs to occupy your thoughts. If it doesn't, you won't quit. (Not trying to burst your bubble, but cutting back is still smoking.....you get a pat on the back from the worlds smallest hand) 49 smokes a day, and drilling them 2-3 at a time is more than most people can fathom. You need to make an escape/quit plan, and ponder it. Think about what its going to take, what its going to be like to be smoke free... visualize all of the positive.... visualize your lungs rebuilding, your throat rebuilding, your mouth and teeth healing. Imagine your internal organs, (think liver, which is responsible for processing the hundreds of chemicals that smoking produces) getting a break. Bottom line, your overall health is going to improve, and imagine that.....
Stephanie, you can do this, but you have to want to. You're possibly not there yet. How often or frequently do you think of quitting? Thinking about it is the first step. Start to think of it more... make your quit plan... start thinking of how to incorporate it, plan your quit date.... plan alternatives to times when you want a smoke and try cutting back using the alternatives, start throwing out things that remind you of smoking like spare lighters and ashtrays, think more and more about quitting and your quit date, then when the quit date comes...... its over. You may fail.... hell, you may relapse. If you do, you take what went well and apply it to your next quit and adjust what went wrong.
Something else you need is a support system. This is good. The journal section on your profile is a good place to vent. Join something like quitnet.org or quitnet.com.
Quitting takes everything you have at first.... it does get easier.
I know I probably do have selfesteem issues too, and thats no excuse for my slavish addiction to cigarettes. And Teko is probably right that my lungs are probably black after three packs a day for all these years, but although I am mostly hopeless about giving in to my addiction, I still dont want to give in quite yet. The fact that I have been unable to shake a nasty winter cold the past week and that lately my lungs have been aching, wheezing and ratteling everytime I walk up a flight of stairs of step outside to have a cigarette only drives the point home to me further that I really have to get my smoking under control before I do too much more permanent damage to my poor lungs.
After failing to keep myself from desperately needing to open and finish smoking three packs a day almost every day last week, when I was snowed under with work, and stress from work; I think I finally made a breakthrough just yesterday (Sunday).
I managed to pull off what I would call a "serious act of will-power" and hold myself to smoking only 49 cigarettes all day yesterday. Thats just under two and-a-half packs a day!
I don't know if I was in some kind of zen moment of temporary perfection or what, but after failing all week to cut to less than 3 packs a day, I thought it was a major achievement. I dont know if that ratio will hold, as Ive already finished my first pack today before taking a late lunch, which is usually how things proceed along the way to finishing a 3rd pack before going to bed each night - but Im trying harder to make a conscious decision to smoke one less cigarette each time I feel the urge to chain smoke. Instead of going outside and smoking 4 in a row, I try to just make do with smoking only 3, and it works ok. Instead of smoking 3 in a row on any of my several smoke breaks, a common routine of mine, Im trying to get by with only smoking 2 - although I will admit its quite hard. I havent yet been able to limit myself to smoking only 1 cigarette on any given smoke break - and after 15 years of chain smoking, I doubt I will break that barrier anytime soon - but its a noble goal nonetheless.
So for now, Im chewing an awful lot of Mint Nicorette gum, trying to get by only 2 or 3 cigarettes at a time, instead of the previous 4 or 5 in a row, and crossing my nicotine stained fingers that I can keep my discipline and limit myself to smoking only 2 and 1/2 packs today - which would honestly be a huge achievement for me.
As for the rest of my personality flaws, weaknesses, depressiveness, and general sense of powerlessness - I will just have to deal with those one issue at a time - but for today - Im trying to keep making forward progress towards cutting back on my incessant chain smoking.
After failing to keep myself from desperately needing to open and finish smoking three packs a day almost every day last week, when I was snowed under with work, and stress from work; I think I finally made a breakthrough just yesterday (Sunday).
I managed to pull off what I would call a "serious act of will-power" and hold myself to smoking only 49 cigarettes all day yesterday. Thats just under two and-a-half packs a day!
I don't know if I was in some kind of zen moment of temporary perfection or what, but after failing all week to cut to less than 3 packs a day, I thought it was a major achievement. I dont know if that ratio will hold, as Ive already finished my first pack today before taking a late lunch, which is usually how things proceed along the way to finishing a 3rd pack before going to bed each night - but Im trying harder to make a conscious decision to smoke one less cigarette each time I feel the urge to chain smoke. Instead of going outside and smoking 4 in a row, I try to just make do with smoking only 3, and it works ok. Instead of smoking 3 in a row on any of my several smoke breaks, a common routine of mine, Im trying to get by with only smoking 2 - although I will admit its quite hard. I havent yet been able to limit myself to smoking only 1 cigarette on any given smoke break - and after 15 years of chain smoking, I doubt I will break that barrier anytime soon - but its a noble goal nonetheless.
So for now, Im chewing an awful lot of Mint Nicorette gum, trying to get by only 2 or 3 cigarettes at a time, instead of the previous 4 or 5 in a row, and crossing my nicotine stained fingers that I can keep my discipline and limit myself to smoking only 2 and 1/2 packs today - which would honestly be a huge achievement for me.
As for the rest of my personality flaws, weaknesses, depressiveness, and general sense of powerlessness - I will just have to deal with those one issue at a time - but for today - Im trying to keep making forward progress towards cutting back on my incessant chain smoking.
Stephanie, I am not qualified to make any kind of diagnosis. I think you have some self esteem issues as well. If not self esteem, it is self confidence. You keep refering to your job being stressful, and there's no doubt that it is... but when I mentioned that and said nobody else is smoking as bad as you are, you pushed it under the rug and talked more of stress.
See a therapist about selfesteem/self confidence, anxiety, and stress.... all of these look to be intertwined. Again, I am no doctor. Go see yours!!!!
See a therapist about selfesteem/self confidence, anxiety, and stress.... all of these look to be intertwined. Again, I am no doctor. Go see yours!!!!
When you want to quit more than you want to smoke, then you will be successful, until then, you are killing yourself, one smoke at a time. Nicotine makes you stink, makes your home, your car, your clothes and your breath stink. It make you old before your time and is disasterous to the skin. You are a turn off to more people than you are a turn on and in this day and age, it is simply frowned upon everywhere you turn except to othrs who have the habit. Next time your in the grocery and standing in line, notice people and thir reactions who are standing next to you. Not flattering at all. At three paks a day your lungs are probably black. You are in th danger zone, turn back while you can.
I kinda think everyone else is sorta right, three packs a day is an awful lot to smoke everyday and it may be hard to ease down from that, but you really have to want it to make it work. The you "wanting it" part is perhaps the most important, because believe me, if you are still needing/wanting your cigarettes deep down, and havent genuinely accepted that you want to quit, then you will always come up with excuses that short circuit your efforts to quit. It happens to me all the time, so I know the feeling and the guilt that comes with it when you find yourself lighting up again and again.
sorry, really meant my comment for Stephanie.
Congratulations on your quit and also for recognizing that quitting doesn't influence stress : )
Yes, I agree with you in that I was always stressed and guilt ridden when deciding to buy a pack over milk and other groceries. Also, I live in a place where you can't smoke anywhere indoors and now they want to ban it from parks, beaches, fronts of building, it's stressful trying to find a place to smoke! Those two scenarios make for a very stressful smoker and I'm so glad I'm not any longer.
I will be going to Europe in May with the money I have saved! What could be less stressful than that ; )
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3y 3m 2w 3d 17:43 smoke-free, 26,523 cigs not smoked, $6,365.52 saved, 3m 1d 2:15 life saved
Congratulations on your quit and also for recognizing that quitting doesn't influence stress : )
Yes, I agree with you in that I was always stressed and guilt ridden when deciding to buy a pack over milk and other groceries. Also, I live in a place where you can't smoke anywhere indoors and now they want to ban it from parks, beaches, fronts of building, it's stressful trying to find a place to smoke! Those two scenarios make for a very stressful smoker and I'm so glad I'm not any longer.
I will be going to Europe in May with the money I have saved! What could be less stressful than that ; )
---
3y 3m 2w 3d 17:43 smoke-free, 26,523 cigs not smoked, $6,365.52 saved, 3m 1d 2:15 life saved
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