Help

[teko]

I have have had the most horrendous week and let me tell you, I have felt like I could sell my soul for a smoke!  Honestly! Nine weeks and it is been fairly easy until this last week, my resolve is certainly being tested.  I have moved my son in law and the kids, myself, a client and butted up against just about the whole family, including my hubby and I have utterly been miserable. A smoke seemed the only enjoyable thing available to me in the last week, but today!  I almost gave in. Instead I took an anti anxiety pill and it helped but I have to wonder if I am simply trading one addiction for another. The anger is ungodly to put it mildly and seems to have sprung up out of nowhere!  I seem to have been here many times before!  I do not want to become a pillhead just to be a nonsmoker. Help!

[teko]

karmadog, I have been where you are so many times. I so no how you feel. Keep trying! Dont beat yerself up, just dont allow them to rule you. I also know it is easier said than done, but keep trying you can do it.

Thanks for all the support guys! As bad as it was yesterday, today was back to not even thinking about em, is that wierd or what? Just goes to show, that if we can just endure, it will go away. I am so glad I held out! I do think Im gonna go to the doc and see about a script for depression tho, seems when I am in the pit that I get that I just dont care anymore attitude. Or I need anger management classes! lol  Thanks again guys!

[kathyjo]

Jade is right about the guilt. It just gives you an excuse to smoke and before you know it, you are chasing your tail. You can't win when you're beating yourself up so stop doing it and just put them down again. No excuses, just put them down and take back your life. Don't give it power over you and your life, no amount of stress can cause you to smoke. Think about how silly it sounds, blaming stress on your addiction to smokes. We were all there and some days are better then others, but in order to have a chance at quitting we have to stop blaming people places and things. We can be our own worst enemies.
I urge you to read the articles at whyquit.com and really learn about your addiction, what your triggers are and what you can do to prevent them. Above all, never ever give up on yourself. You are so worth having a great life : )

[kathyjo]

atta girl, go ahead and pat yourself on the back : )
Remember this teko.....before you did anything, you asked for help and that my friend is what it's all about ; )

[Jade59]

You CAN get right back on track.  Just forget about those previous days...they were just slips...you made a mistake, now forget it.  See now not only have you had a tough week, but you added the smoking "guilt" to the problems as well.  Use your inhaler and tell yourself there is absolutely no circumstance in which you need to smoke.  Smoking will only make things worse.  

Have you tried writing in your journal?  I've found getting my thoughts out has helped alot.  Get a tracker going too.  It helps to see your progress.  I see from your profile you are in much pain.  Didn't you feel any pain relief at all from not smoking.  I see such a difference in my pain levels.  Any relief at all for you?  

[beatingthis]

Really glad you didn't do it!!! Be really careful with those pills my friend. OK?

Terry

[karmadog]

well, I have had a very tough week. after 34 days smoke free, i felt i couldn't take it anymore.  my bf and I broke up after 2yrs my mom got very sick, I found out I have to move, I have to have shoulder surgery, and on and on all in 1 week.  I LIT UP, IT MADE ME SO SICK.  I TOOK A FEW PUFFS BUTT IT OUT, 15 MINS LATER WENT BACK, AND WENT LIKE THAT THE REST OF NIGHT.  I SMOKED 4 CIGS THE NEXT DAY WENT BACK TO MY NICOTROL, AND IT WAS HARD, YESTERDAY PICKED UP ANOTHER CIG AT 3PM, AND ENDED UP SMOKING 5 STOPPED AT MIDNITE, I AM NOW STARTING THE NICOTROL INHALER AGAIN.  TO SEE IF I CAN GET RIGHT BACK ON TRACK AFTER A COUPLE DAYS OF A FEW CIGS.  I HOPE SO,  CUZ IF NOT, I;M DONE TRYING TO QUIT.  THIS IS MY LIKE 13TH QUIT.   CONGRATS TO YOU ON NOT PICKING UP.  I HATE MYSELF FOR IT.  I DO TAKE KLONOPIN, AND TRIED SEVERAL ANTIDEPRESSANTS. NOPE DID NOT WORK.  AND I DO FIND MYSELF LOOKING FOR SOME DRUG TO GET THROUGH AND IT'S NOT WORKING.  YOU THINK THEY WOULD LET US IN AN ADDICTION CENTER.  THEY DON'T

[Jade59]

So glad you made it through!  Those emotions do seem to just blanket all good sense and the times when they get overwhelming and it feels like you just don't care are the worst!  

You know something funny?  I could tell the last 2wks by your posts, the tone of them  and how much you were here or not here, that you were heading towards a crisis.  I could feel it coming.   You sound stronger today...that's good, but those feelings don't just up and disappear so be watchful and guard that quit, girl! :)

Good going yesterday!  I hope you're proud of yourself because I sure am :)  I know how difficult moments like those are, that's for sure!

[teko]

Thanks guys. Whew !  I made it thru yesterday but there were times that I was sooo vulnerable that if someone had been smoking around me, that would have been it. The being that vulnerable part is what is so scarey.  I made it thru yesterday thank god but it has left me with a renewed sense of fear of those feelings.  Pray for me that if it happens again, I will have the resolve to handle it.  I truly did not feel like I had a choice! I truly did not care either, that is what is so scarey, the emotions were in total control and my good sense took a vacation! I do know what you both say is so true and I totally agree it will take at least a year to become normal to some degree. You guys are great! You pulled me thru again!

[kathyjo]

what Jade says is absolutely right. There will be days like this and the only thing that you can rely on is that smoke free or not, they are going to happen and smoke free or not, you will get through them. It's up to you on how it will play out.
Anxiety happens in our lives and sometimes we need something to help us through it. I was prescribed meds way back when for panic and anxiety and over the past 2 decades have taken them off and on. If you only take it when you need it, then you are doing great. You are a sensible person teko and a responsible one and I can't imagine that you would abuse them. You could try alternatives before you take one if that will help ease your mind : )
A bath, a long walk, an enjoyable book.....some "me" time. A visit to your church? Whatever it takes to get you through a tough time, then teko, it can't be wrong if it turns out right ; )
Now take some deep breaths and remember that you are in control, no matter what....you can and will do it, just believe in yourself!

[Jade59]

Teko, from the sounds of it, you've been under tremendous pressure and of Course you are having a major craving.  I understand the anger...I am there too, but smoking will not change any of the things making us angry so like you, I am fighting hard.  Kathy Jo made a statement recently where she said not to associate anything positive with smoking.  I loved that and have had to keep it in mind for my own self and here you are saying that smoking seems like the only enjoyable thing available to you in the last week.  Those stinky, filthy, poison ladened things that are causing your COPD?  Really?  Of course not!  This is only reflex thinking.  

You've been quit 9wks and has it been more than a few times you've needed to reach for a pill instead of a smoke?  If only a few, then you're doing great and not becoming a pill addict!  You are very new into your quit, remember that.  You and I have a few quits behind us and I am thinking it's going to take a whole year to really get back to normal.   That sounds like a long time, but really, it's not when you consider how long we have used smoking to cope.  

This will pass.  It's happened before.  Several times.  You can expect to feel this way when things get overwhelming.  It's not forever and you will feel so much Worse if you give in. (This is what I continually tell myself lol...)

Hang tough now!!!