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Why don't the thoughts go away?
I have been having suicidal thoughts for six months and have had made two attempts in the past five months, the first time my therapist rang the police and they found me, the 2nd time a family member found me the 2nd time i was hospitalized. I still have the thoughts, i hate being like this, does anyone feel like this and does it ever go away. I do suffer from depression and post traumatic stress and i am receiving therapy for this but i still have the thoughts, does it ever go away?
I received a phone call this morning saying that the doctor was out and that my appointment had been cancelled. I guess everything will have to wait till next week.
Food is just being used to help us manage our emotions.
My weight does up and down. It is rarely stable or stable for very long. My GP doesn't seem to think I have a problem but then he only sees issues with the extremes.
Self-acceptance can be a difficult issue to work through especially when you hate where you're at and what you're doing to yourself.
The pain doesn't just miraculously vanish. It is something that needs to be worked on. It is an ongoing and often long-term process. Things do get better though.
I sometimes wanted to talk about methods just to show how bad I felt. It is not the method that matters though but the feelings. It took me ages to learn that.
Probably talking about safety and managing it seems invalidating. It is telling you or assuming you will manage your distress when you so badly want it to be validated or heard.
You don't need to keep thanking me. Communication is a two-way process and you're helping me too.
I think that you should go with what you want and need. I was going to suggest writing a list of pros and cons or doing it in your head. I think that is too much thinking though.
I think that based on what you've told me about where you're at now that you should strongly consider hospital as an option. If neither respite nor therapy nor visits with the social worker are helping you feel any better and you wont take medication (and that's probably not a good idea at this point unless it's supervised) then I don't think you have too many other options available to you. I wouldn't ever recommend you go down the route of ect.
Why don't you commit to going to hospital, talk to your partner about your decision and have him attend your therapy appointment with you. Admission may be easier through your T. ?? Ask your partner to make sure you go (and stay). You could decide on some progress parameters you need to meet before you can be discharged.
You know things aren't right and aren't good. You need to be brave and take steps to address your issues. I know it is frightening, terrifying in fact. Lean on your partner and others and let them help you. You can do it. I know it's not going to be easy but I believe in you. Making this one small step could change your life forever.
Talk to your partner.
Food is just being used to help us manage our emotions.
My weight does up and down. It is rarely stable or stable for very long. My GP doesn't seem to think I have a problem but then he only sees issues with the extremes.
Self-acceptance can be a difficult issue to work through especially when you hate where you're at and what you're doing to yourself.
The pain doesn't just miraculously vanish. It is something that needs to be worked on. It is an ongoing and often long-term process. Things do get better though.
I sometimes wanted to talk about methods just to show how bad I felt. It is not the method that matters though but the feelings. It took me ages to learn that.
Probably talking about safety and managing it seems invalidating. It is telling you or assuming you will manage your distress when you so badly want it to be validated or heard.
You don't need to keep thanking me. Communication is a two-way process and you're helping me too.
I think that you should go with what you want and need. I was going to suggest writing a list of pros and cons or doing it in your head. I think that is too much thinking though.
I think that based on what you've told me about where you're at now that you should strongly consider hospital as an option. If neither respite nor therapy nor visits with the social worker are helping you feel any better and you wont take medication (and that's probably not a good idea at this point unless it's supervised) then I don't think you have too many other options available to you. I wouldn't ever recommend you go down the route of ect.
Why don't you commit to going to hospital, talk to your partner about your decision and have him attend your therapy appointment with you. Admission may be easier through your T. ?? Ask your partner to make sure you go (and stay). You could decide on some progress parameters you need to meet before you can be discharged.
You know things aren't right and aren't good. You need to be brave and take steps to address your issues. I know it is frightening, terrifying in fact. Lean on your partner and others and let them help you. You can do it. I know it's not going to be easy but I believe in you. Making this one small step could change your life forever.
Talk to your partner.
I hope you get to see your doctor and that it helps, i know its frustrating having to wait to see someone. I also have weight issues and the more depressed i get the more weight i put on that doesn't help. I feel i need to sort this now it will only get worse and i don't want to be hospitalized against my will i would rather go of my own accord, i'm not sure what to do i am going to talk to my therapist and tell him i feel ready bad but i know if he offers hospital that i will say no. My partner is supportive and i know it must be hard for him.
I know i need to accept myself but i find it hard i don't want to be like this, i need to know tomorrow what i am going to say and accept the consequences that come with it they need to listen thats why i'm so angry i'm frustrated but then again what di want them to do just take the pain away i can't i have tried. I am tired talking about safety and how to keep myself safe, but i guess part of me must want to be safe.
I hope you get your problems sorted too, i'm sure your lifes not easy either. Tomorrow i will be telling them how desperate i get they need to listen. Thanks again
I know i need to accept myself but i find it hard i don't want to be like this, i need to know tomorrow what i am going to say and accept the consequences that come with it they need to listen thats why i'm so angry i'm frustrated but then again what di want them to do just take the pain away i can't i have tried. I am tired talking about safety and how to keep myself safe, but i guess part of me must want to be safe.
I hope you get your problems sorted too, i'm sure your lifes not easy either. Tomorrow i will be telling them how desperate i get they need to listen. Thanks again
Bored probably means that you should find something to do to occupy yourself. When I don't have stuff to do I feel that my day is interminable. It can be hard to deal with.
If you're worried about having too much time to think about stuff which depresses you or makes you feel powerless then therapy would be a good option. Therapy I found can sometimes give you a sense of purpose and direction.
Maybe you should try and change your thinking. Maybe acknowledge that you feel pretty bad and know that it is OK. You have the ability to change and will when you're ready.
You should never feel bad because you have stayed safe or made a healthier option. Sometimes things do become just about self-preservation. Do what you need too in that moment to keep yourself safe. Things may feel bad but they can be resolved.
I am on the side of your healthy part. While I can understand how bad the bad is I am on the side of accessing appropriate support and making positive changes.
I think that when we don't act it means that we don't want it and that we have protective factors. Work with what is keeping you alive.
If a T is told that then they have an obligation to act on it. Talking about safety is one way to get peoples attention and get them to listen a little but after a while it will become old and they won't care.
Safety become such a huge issue for me and I was discussing it with my GP a bit and he said he was blunted to it. I wish I could have just done that too and made it go away.
Not taking medication shouldn't be the end of the world. While it may make his job harder he still has other skills that he can fall back on. He needs to be patient, consistent and to keep listening.
There are always messages which are private if you want to discuss things that way.
I feel a little sorry for your partner, it must be hard for him. He must really care for you. I expect he must feel a little frustrated by the situation.
I think people are helping you but that you are too scared to access that help.
One day these people will go and others wont ask if you need help. That's how it was for me. I rejected their help then I decided I wanted it and nobody was there.
Yep. I'm feeling a little like that at the moment. I've been getting agitated again because of some stuff going on. I've been binge eating badly the last week and have put on lots of weight. I was running, was planning on doing a half marathon in two weeks, but injured myself and have become anxious and depressed. My parents are having severe marital issues and finances have been quite an issue. Plus there hasn't been any support and I am iron deficient which means I get tired quite quickly. And I have a sore finger. =(
I'm going to the doctor today to talk about some issues. My GP has been away on leave and doesn't get back till next week. Things have deteriorated to the point where I don't even want to talk to him.
If things aren't getting better talk to your social worker or T and go to hospital. I'm sure your partner will support you through that. As scary as the help is, don't run from it. It is much easier to stop running now than in several years time. Trust me, you don't want an indefinite period of emotional pain. As hard as it is to talk now it is never as bad as dealing with all the emotional stuff alone.
Also, this wont break you as long as you talk to people and that will help you start moving forward. Lean on that support. It is what it is there for.
If you're worried about having too much time to think about stuff which depresses you or makes you feel powerless then therapy would be a good option. Therapy I found can sometimes give you a sense of purpose and direction.
Maybe you should try and change your thinking. Maybe acknowledge that you feel pretty bad and know that it is OK. You have the ability to change and will when you're ready.
You should never feel bad because you have stayed safe or made a healthier option. Sometimes things do become just about self-preservation. Do what you need too in that moment to keep yourself safe. Things may feel bad but they can be resolved.
I am on the side of your healthy part. While I can understand how bad the bad is I am on the side of accessing appropriate support and making positive changes.
I think that when we don't act it means that we don't want it and that we have protective factors. Work with what is keeping you alive.
If a T is told that then they have an obligation to act on it. Talking about safety is one way to get peoples attention and get them to listen a little but after a while it will become old and they won't care.
Safety become such a huge issue for me and I was discussing it with my GP a bit and he said he was blunted to it. I wish I could have just done that too and made it go away.
Not taking medication shouldn't be the end of the world. While it may make his job harder he still has other skills that he can fall back on. He needs to be patient, consistent and to keep listening.
There are always messages which are private if you want to discuss things that way.
I feel a little sorry for your partner, it must be hard for him. He must really care for you. I expect he must feel a little frustrated by the situation.
I think people are helping you but that you are too scared to access that help.
One day these people will go and others wont ask if you need help. That's how it was for me. I rejected their help then I decided I wanted it and nobody was there.
Yep. I'm feeling a little like that at the moment. I've been getting agitated again because of some stuff going on. I've been binge eating badly the last week and have put on lots of weight. I was running, was planning on doing a half marathon in two weeks, but injured myself and have become anxious and depressed. My parents are having severe marital issues and finances have been quite an issue. Plus there hasn't been any support and I am iron deficient which means I get tired quite quickly. And I have a sore finger. =(
I'm going to the doctor today to talk about some issues. My GP has been away on leave and doesn't get back till next week. Things have deteriorated to the point where I don't even want to talk to him.
If things aren't getting better talk to your social worker or T and go to hospital. I'm sure your partner will support you through that. As scary as the help is, don't run from it. It is much easier to stop running now than in several years time. Trust me, you don't want an indefinite period of emotional pain. As hard as it is to talk now it is never as bad as dealing with all the emotional stuff alone.
Also, this wont break you as long as you talk to people and that will help you start moving forward. Lean on that support. It is what it is there for.
Yeah, i feel like i would like someone else help me decide, i'm not sure about hospital it scares me, i get bored and i know in the longer respite i would get bored it gives me too much time to think about things that depresses me even more. I woke today with the same thoughts of escape and everytime i get in the car i think could today be the day, but i am so tired and i know i would probably back out then feel bad because i am a coward and can't go through with it, then i have the embarassment of the police looking for me although last time they never found me. I have my therapist tomorrow but he doesn't listen unless i go in and say unless you help me i am going to kill myself but i feel guilty he is helping its me who won't take the medication, what more can he do? My partner has left his job to be at home with me something happened last year and i'm not safe at home alone, i can't go into details its too personal and this site is easily read. anyway that hasn't helped although before it i was going downhill anyway. I should be glad to be here but everything is so not right do you ever get that? I feel i am fighting a losing battle with this getting worse instead of better. Thanks for your help
I'm sorry things are so difficult for you.
It was a positive step for you to spend at least one night in respite care. I think it would take a week minimum, maybe longer, before you could de-stress some.
There is help available.
Depression is said to resolve itself over a period of time. I'm not sure that is true though if it is present with another condition. Maybe, maybe not.
Self-hatred is probably due to your mood and negative thinking.
I think that sometimes attacking yourself makes everything OK or understandable. Perceiving ourselves as bad and others as good is a defense mechanism.
Caring can be painful. Sometimes it can be easier for us not too. Deep down we care a lot though.
I think that if you aren't feeling better with therapy, etc that you should possibly opt for longer respite if it is available or medication or a short hospital admission. Short probably meaning a week but you will be the best judge of how long you need.
Those options would be enough to stress me out but I think they are the way forward.
You will probably know deep down what you want, what is that?
When I was unwell I often wanted people to chuck me in hospital (so that I had something to protest about or say that I was here because they put me here). I didn't want to take any responsibility for admission or for anything. I really needed people to do that for me although I still wanted some control in the decision making process.
Is your partner able to take leave and you go on holiday somewhere together, would that help?
What do you think you need or need to do?
Self-harm is not an option and we're looking for options where we don't make our situation worse.
It was a positive step for you to spend at least one night in respite care. I think it would take a week minimum, maybe longer, before you could de-stress some.
There is help available.
Depression is said to resolve itself over a period of time. I'm not sure that is true though if it is present with another condition. Maybe, maybe not.
Self-hatred is probably due to your mood and negative thinking.
I think that sometimes attacking yourself makes everything OK or understandable. Perceiving ourselves as bad and others as good is a defense mechanism.
Caring can be painful. Sometimes it can be easier for us not too. Deep down we care a lot though.
I think that if you aren't feeling better with therapy, etc that you should possibly opt for longer respite if it is available or medication or a short hospital admission. Short probably meaning a week but you will be the best judge of how long you need.
Those options would be enough to stress me out but I think they are the way forward.
You will probably know deep down what you want, what is that?
When I was unwell I often wanted people to chuck me in hospital (so that I had something to protest about or say that I was here because they put me here). I didn't want to take any responsibility for admission or for anything. I really needed people to do that for me although I still wanted some control in the decision making process.
Is your partner able to take leave and you go on holiday somewhere together, would that help?
What do you think you need or need to do?
Self-harm is not an option and we're looking for options where we don't make our situation worse.
Things have not been so good lately i am having trouble doing anything if i go any slower i will stop. I was away for a night at a respite place it was ok but i feel no better i guess one night won't help, i am so tired. On the positive my social worker was really good really supportive. I have all the help i could have but i still feel like i am falling into this hole and i am afraid i won't be able to get out of it. I just seem to get worse i am afraid no-one will be able to help. I have tried doing things but i am so tired its a struggle and so frustrating, can depression or ptsd improve on its own? I am starting to hate myself the way i look the way i act everything about me is wrong, why? I never used to care, when i look in the mirror i am angry at myself, i get weirder all the time. This is not good. I don't know what to do anymore, i feel so lost.
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