You cannot stop being who you are - you can't stop having the color of eyes or skin that you have, and you can't stop being homosexual, heterosexual, bisexual, or whatever your sexuality may be.
Having said that, you are young. Many people your age, and even people of any age, can have questions about their sexual orientation. This is not a great time in your life to focus a lot of thoughts on what your sexual orientation may be. This IS a great time to focus on accepting whoever you may become - it's a great time to be kind to yourself, and learn to love yourself. It is also a great time to focus on the future that you want for yourself. You should be focusing on your education and your goals in life, and put your mind and effort toward those goasl.
Please stop watching the videos. Pornography videos are NOT a realistic representation of sex. Also, spending your time watching those videos is not a good use of your time, and should not be the focus of your life at this age.
Be good to yourself, and focus on the important things in your life.
Ah buddy, you are at a tough age of your life. I have a sons trying to discover who they are around the same age as you and I will tell you, wherever you land in terms of your true you? You will be great. Loving and accepting yourself is a work on item for you. And don't expect to have all the answers right now. Growing up is a process. I agree that porn is not real in terms of real life. And just know that a lot of people watch porn for things that are exciting that they may never actually do themselves. If that makes sense. As time goes on, you will get a clearer picture of who you are and want to be. I heard an interesting take on that the other day that I shared with my sons which was also to think about who you DO NOT want to be. :>)
I'm concerned about your depression though. That it is to the point you have thoughts of killing yourself is worrying. Do your parents know you have depression? I know that is hard because as a parent myself, I know we can get 10 shades of scared when our kids are hurting. But you need some adult support in your life if you are having these drastic back and forth mood swings with the lows being so low. It is very normal to have periods of sadness or the blues and with fluctuating hormonal changes and the hard part of the teen years (discovering who you are, the awkwardness at times, all the questioning of self that we do at that age, etc.). But sincerely, if you are having suicidal thoughts associated with this, you really need to talk to your parents. Do they have counselors where you live? My own son who is 16 has had depression and a psychologist is helpful. They can talk about things and have strategies. Right now it is easier than ever as well as virtual therapy is happening very frequently with the pandemic. You just have to find a private place like your room with door closed to talk. And if it is to the point that is required, there are psychiatrists. They take care to the next level to keep you safe. It's very hard to function under the cloud of depression. And if you get to the point that you are going to possibly act on the suicidal thought, PLEASE use resources such as a suicide hotline to talk to someone immediately. Please. You matter and we want you safe.
I'm BI too, and I get bullied for it. Just know that you are strong, and a wonderful person! Don't listen to the other kids, and be who you wanna be no matter what sexuality you are!!
Hi im 13 and im bi and i have came out to my mom but not my dad and i started like you and i was scared to think that i like girls and boys but i just told everyone and my friends that love me stay there and i did get bullied but i didnt care anymore but its ok fyi im a girl