Aa
Solo -vs- Sex?
Well, originally i only made my account to ask my single question, but it seems no-one knows the answer to that, so i guess i'll ask some more while i have it.
Now, my opinion on this is severely limited but i think i've made my assumption with enough detail really. That being: Sex is not nearly as good as it's made out to be. I've only had intercourse with 1 girl, in many positions...but none were as good as my hand. The thing is, i can't see how she could have possibly felt any better...she was tight and yeah, it felt good - but it didn't even compare to myself. All my friends who have had sex (Not a great deal, to be fair) talk about how incredible it is, blah blah blah, but then after their respective relationship ends, their opinion on their girlfriend seems to shift with haste from "She was awesome in bed." to "I regularly kicked her off and took over myself." (I don't look that shallow now, do i?)
Now...the question is, do guys just lie to eachother to incite jealousy and competition between their fellow guys, or is it the opposite. That the girl genuinely is good and that they are just telling themselves she was terrible to help themselves get over it.
This question isn't especially easy to answer really as it's essentially asking "Are you a liar?" and there's obvious problems with answering that...
Meh.
Now, my opinion on this is severely limited but i think i've made my assumption with enough detail really. That being: Sex is not nearly as good as it's made out to be. I've only had intercourse with 1 girl, in many positions...but none were as good as my hand. The thing is, i can't see how she could have possibly felt any better...she was tight and yeah, it felt good - but it didn't even compare to myself. All my friends who have had sex (Not a great deal, to be fair) talk about how incredible it is, blah blah blah, but then after their respective relationship ends, their opinion on their girlfriend seems to shift with haste from "She was awesome in bed." to "I regularly kicked her off and took over myself." (I don't look that shallow now, do i?)
Now...the question is, do guys just lie to eachother to incite jealousy and competition between their fellow guys, or is it the opposite. That the girl genuinely is good and that they are just telling themselves she was terrible to help themselves get over it.
This question isn't especially easy to answer really as it's essentially asking "Are you a liar?" and there's obvious problems with answering that...
Meh.
I don't think one is better or worse - it's apples and oranges. They are two different things, each with different goals and experientail expectations.
Not every partner will be great. Some stay in a relationship longer than they should cause of the emotional side, some for the sex. Every relationship is a SET of circumstances.
And just like having sex just to have yourself satisfied is selfish and unhealthy, the opposite isn't so great either. Both people should be doing it because they are BOTH invested in nurturing this aspect of the relationship - notice, I said "relationship" - they are not mutually exclusive. I think over the long term your would do better to not think of them as separate entities.
One more thing: I think it's terrific that your are reflecting and examining yourself and your sexuality and relationships - especially at such a young age. That's awesome. At the same time, you are very young - not everything has a black-and-white explanation and if it does, even that can change! lol! Just enjoy this period of transition and exploration.
And I fully agree with April2 - a true man and gentleman is one that values honor, respects women, and has self-respect. And any guy that blabs to his buddies (good or bad) about the women he spends intimate time with has none of those qualities. Guys do this because they feel inadequate, PERIOD.
Good luck, I think you're a cool young man!
Not every partner will be great. Some stay in a relationship longer than they should cause of the emotional side, some for the sex. Every relationship is a SET of circumstances.
And just like having sex just to have yourself satisfied is selfish and unhealthy, the opposite isn't so great either. Both people should be doing it because they are BOTH invested in nurturing this aspect of the relationship - notice, I said "relationship" - they are not mutually exclusive. I think over the long term your would do better to not think of them as separate entities.
One more thing: I think it's terrific that your are reflecting and examining yourself and your sexuality and relationships - especially at such a young age. That's awesome. At the same time, you are very young - not everything has a black-and-white explanation and if it does, even that can change! lol! Just enjoy this period of transition and exploration.
And I fully agree with April2 - a true man and gentleman is one that values honor, respects women, and has self-respect. And any guy that blabs to his buddies (good or bad) about the women he spends intimate time with has none of those qualities. Guys do this because they feel inadequate, PERIOD.
Good luck, I think you're a cool young man!
Yeah, i split up with her 'cause we just kept arguing ever since we started anyway...
Looking back on that first post, i did say some stuff wrongly, i would've seen it the same way you did. I was trying to just ask the question without any romantic strings attatched. Just made me look like a ****, sorry.
Looking back on that first post, i did say some stuff wrongly, i would've seen it the same way you did. I was trying to just ask the question without any romantic strings attatched. Just made me look like a ****, sorry.
Well, if you're asking me personally, lol, I'd have to say sex. If you're asking others on here, I'm not sure what they'd say. You'd probaby get different answers.
Sorry if I misunderstood you. Maybe if you're girl is only in it for sex you should look for another girl? Just stating my opinion again whether or not you wanted it. :)
Sorry if I misunderstood you. Maybe if you're girl is only in it for sex you should look for another girl? Just stating my opinion again whether or not you wanted it. :)
You seem to've misunderstood me. Or at least i didn't go into decent detail. Probably both, the former caused by the latter.
The reason i kept having sex with my girlfriend, despite the fact that i wasn't particularly enjoying it, was because i knew she did. I've never spoke about my ex the way my friends have spoke about theirs because as you said, it's disgusting. I wasn't saying my hand is better to spite my ex or anything, i was just stating it as a fact and asking if others felt the same way.
I know that having sex is about love and expressing your feelings but in my particular relationship, i don't think she was in it for those things, which is what drained the joy of sex for me. Not to be vulgar, but the only thing i can compare it to is masturbating when sad. It just feels bad.
Ugh, it's kinda hard to get my point across...im just trying to ask which of the two you prefer, with no questions about love. I prefer companionship to sex and any day i'd rather just hug and kiss than have sex but that didn't seem to be the case with my partner. Anyway...the question was: Which physically feels better for you? Sex or masturbation?
The reason i kept having sex with my girlfriend, despite the fact that i wasn't particularly enjoying it, was because i knew she did. I've never spoke about my ex the way my friends have spoke about theirs because as you said, it's disgusting. I wasn't saying my hand is better to spite my ex or anything, i was just stating it as a fact and asking if others felt the same way.
I know that having sex is about love and expressing your feelings but in my particular relationship, i don't think she was in it for those things, which is what drained the joy of sex for me. Not to be vulgar, but the only thing i can compare it to is masturbating when sad. It just feels bad.
Ugh, it's kinda hard to get my point across...im just trying to ask which of the two you prefer, with no questions about love. I prefer companionship to sex and any day i'd rather just hug and kiss than have sex but that didn't seem to be the case with my partner. Anyway...the question was: Which physically feels better for you? Sex or masturbation?
I found this post to be very sad. Sex can and should be a wonderful, exciting, satisfying and enjoyable act between two people who care about each other.
I noticed several things you said that rang some bells. Sex is no big deal, your friends "regularly kick the girl off and take over themselves" (how awful is that?), your hand is better than the girl, the girl is "good" or not so "good" and the fact that you all discuss your sexual acts among each other on some sort of rating scale. All of this is very disturbing to me. It tells me that you all (or at least your friends) are very self-centered and only seem to care about your own gratification. It's very selfish. Sex is a giving and taking experience. A truly good lover will do all they can to please their partner and will get enjoyment from that as well as their own experiences. They also don't go around bragging about their experiences or how "good the girl is" as if she's some sort of call girl. They also don't put down the girl by discussing how "bad the girl is" as if she's some sort of machine without feelings that is only there to provide sexual acts for your enjoyment. I don't think I'd enjoy being that girl being talked about. It's not a competitiion. When you have sex with someone you are giving them a part of you. It should be more special than you guys are making it.
I personally think you and your friends need to grow up a little bit more and learn how to treat a lady instead of treating her like she's just another notch on your belt. The fact that you are not enjoying sex tells me you are too focused on yourself and not on pleasing your partner. Sorry if I'm being blunt but that's how I see it.
I noticed several things you said that rang some bells. Sex is no big deal, your friends "regularly kick the girl off and take over themselves" (how awful is that?), your hand is better than the girl, the girl is "good" or not so "good" and the fact that you all discuss your sexual acts among each other on some sort of rating scale. All of this is very disturbing to me. It tells me that you all (or at least your friends) are very self-centered and only seem to care about your own gratification. It's very selfish. Sex is a giving and taking experience. A truly good lover will do all they can to please their partner and will get enjoyment from that as well as their own experiences. They also don't go around bragging about their experiences or how "good the girl is" as if she's some sort of call girl. They also don't put down the girl by discussing how "bad the girl is" as if she's some sort of machine without feelings that is only there to provide sexual acts for your enjoyment. I don't think I'd enjoy being that girl being talked about. It's not a competitiion. When you have sex with someone you are giving them a part of you. It should be more special than you guys are making it.
I personally think you and your friends need to grow up a little bit more and learn how to treat a lady instead of treating her like she's just another notch on your belt. The fact that you are not enjoying sex tells me you are too focused on yourself and not on pleasing your partner. Sorry if I'm being blunt but that's how I see it.
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