Embarrasing Thoughts Make Me Blurt Out Things

[zenfulways2009]

When I think of an embarrassing moment (whether it be real or imaginary) I will blurt out a swear, or perhaps a sentence like, "I love you (insert name)". I believe I do that as a means to "snap me out of" the moment so as not to re-experience the feelings the embarrassment caused, or causes, or to just end the momentary thought before it completes.
I would say that 50% of the time I blurt out some kind of swears or a sentence with a swear in it. The other 50% I have this habit of saying "I love you (insert ex gf's name)" or some other name. I must interject at this point that I am happily married and have no interest in any past gf's. But for some reason, the one name I usually insert is an ex-gf who I was overly in love with and who did end up dumping me. Which is fine by me now because I have an awesome wife and a wonderful family. And I am not supressing any deep down desires for my ex....believe me on that. When I do this most is when I am by myself and therefore, dealing with the gazillion thoughts that race thru my mind every minute. Sometimes my mind is like a runaway train. And eventually, the thoughts come back to an embarrassing moment, or a situation I make up in my mind that would embarass me, and I blurt something out, I thought out of habit to snap me out of the moment. Sometimes I blurt something out and one of my kids or my wifes hears me and will ask me what I was saying. Most times I can cover up what I said with some kind of excuse about what I was talking about. One time I was in the bathroom and, in the middle of an embarrasing thought, I blurted out, "I hate you!". My wife happened to be walking by the bathroom at that second and heard me and she thought I was referring to her which I wasn't. So we had a big to-do about that. Of course I"m scared to death that I will blurt out my ex-gf's name and she will hear me and she'll freak. It does seem to be worse when I am really stressed. I am not nearly as stressed as I used to be probably because I have learned how to deal with it in many ways including meditation. Thank God for meditation. Best part of my day.

Anyways I'd like to know if this happens to you and if you have any techniques to control these outbursts? Thank you.

[fmi11]

Again, it is relieving to view all of these posts and know that I am not an isolated case. I'm 17 and first noticed the compulsion about 4 months ago. Most of the time I'll blurt something unintelligible and/or make some sort of bodily jerk, whether it be my head, legs, arms, squinting my eyes, etc. Other times I'll blurt the ending of a sentence as I'm thinking it while simultaneously experiencing an embarrassing thought (I did exactly that as I was writing this). I am not diagnosed with any psychological disorder but I have been subjected to higher levels of stress recently, as it is junior year and I've adopted multiple AP classes. As it stands, the occurrence is more or less daily and only when my mind is left. Addressing an earlier conjecture that this affects mostly individuals with artistic dispositions, I'm a more mathematically and scientifically oriented person that enjoys computer science and software development. I'd enjoy discovering a possible explanation for this condition.

[QuietBlurter]

Like others, I am so happy to have found this discussion, because I do exactly the same thing. And have done so for a very long time (I'm 48 now). A lot of times, I notice it in the morning, when I'm lying in bed... thinking random thoughts. Then I hit on an embarrassing moment, or something I'm not proud of doing or not doing, and I blurt out something... usually it's just a whisper, and it's usually pretty horrible ("I hate myself," or "I wish I was dead." When it happens later in the day, I do it louder (and in those cases, there's more profanity involved, especially "the c-word," which I loathe and despise and would never use consciously)... and sometimes I even physically flip the bird, without being able to stop it. It happens while I'm shopping, or walking the dog... even driving. The other day, I did it in my elevator, and when the door opened, the UPS guy was standing there... he said, "I hate myself, too." Which made me really sad... because I don't think I really do hate myself. Mostly, it's embarrassing... especially when my boyfriend or a friend hears it. (Like others in this discussion group, I try to cover it up... sometimes it works, but sometimes not & I think it just makes me look like I'm nuts.) I've also been in therapy, but crazily I have *never* opened up about this to a therapist. Which is weird, because I try to be very open with therapists. But I just never think to bring it up, even though it's a pretty large part of my life. I'm going to do some more Googling on "wince words" to see if there are any therapies used to "fix" this (I have been on Wellbutrin for years, but it doesn't seem to have any affect on this problem). If there I find anything in my search, I'll report back. But I am SO thankful to have found this discussion! I don't feel so scared and alone with this problem anymore.

[icantfocusonanyth]

I don't have Tourette's (or maybe I do??) but I have ADD, so my mind always has a million thoughts. It drifts back to embarrassing memories quite often but it's usually when I'm alone with my thoughts, such as in bed (I have insomnia) or in the shower. So nobody knows I have this problem. What happens is that I feel the discomfort and burning embarrassment/shame of that memory, which immediately provokes a huge compulsion to get out of that frame of mind so I might start swearing, saying gibberish such as Aargh, No no no no no or lalalala or some lyrics to a random song that's been stuck on my mind recently, or say I love you. I usually squeeze my eyes shut at the same time, as one might when cringing after witnessing something awkward.

Other than this I don't have any of the physical symptoms of Tourette's, so I'm not really sure what it is I have. But I'm relieved to find that I'm no isolated case.

Already as it is, due to impatience and impulsivity from my ADHD, I tend to like swearing more than the average person. But I've never ever done it out of context, or towards someone who's pissed me off as it's against my nature to hurt others' feelings. So I feel like I do exercise restraint in social circumstances. But in the situations of embarrassing memories, blurting out random things is something I feel I *have* to do in order to drive the thought away.

[nerotozero]

I certainly did not expect to see that others experience the almost identical thing I've been going through. It's pretty amazing, really.

Like the other posters, I get flooded with embarrassing thoughts of something I did in my past that I regret. It usually happens when I'm alone and doing some mindless task... Like driving a car, brushing my teeth, exercising etc. these thoughts are usually very trivial in the grand scheme of things.

When this happens I find myself yelling out the same few sentences every time. It's usually 'my sister came over' which I have absolutely no idea why this would come out of my mouth. Like others said, sometimes I say 'I wanna die.' Which I think is a reaction to how stupid and embarrassed I feel at the moment.

I guess I should add that I was diagnosed bipolar 2. My depressive episodes are out of control. At my lowest I was not functional and, like often happens with mental illness, negatively effected the lives of the people I care about. This in itself feels me with guilt and embarrassment. Before I got some help I self medicated with alcohol.

I've found a good combo of drugs that have helped immensely. But it hasn't
helped this 'issue.' I know some of you believe it's Tourette's among other things. Maybe it is. My pdoc believes it a combo of anxiety and OCD.

I want to thank everyone for sharing their experiences. It's really encouraging to see others going through the same thing.

I have one question: has anyone asked a doctor what this is a symptom of? I'm just interested to hear. Thanks.

[tucson12012008]

almost exactly like my experience, when my thoughts starts wandering off.... mostly to embarrassing thoughts/experience, i mostly blurt out "i love you _____" or a sound like "hah!" or "chchch!" or swear words. I mostly stop myself when I caught myself doing this especially when i'm in a crowd or if with people because it's embarrassing. I don't have time to explain (actually nothing to explain as I just blurt those words without real connection with my real feelings). I even say I love you xxxx, but i'm no longer in love with him. I really don't know what this is. I thought it's an unconcious way for me to block those negative thoughts away....

[Karinh1]

I have the same, I'm 48, and have had it for years but it's getting worse. Whenever recalling an embarrassing moment I do a little shake of my head and blurt out "No!"
Luckily I have a supportive husband who doesn't get fed up with me doing this, I also do it when I am allowing my mind to wander say, as a car passenger etc.
I also mutter other things, thankfully not swear words, but random words.
It is horrible and I wish I could stop doing it, but I'm grateful to read of other people's experiences.

[Andrewjbolton]

Add me to this exact phenomena.  I'm 51 and about 7 years ago, I began blurting out "I love you, mom!" each time I remembered something embarassing (my mother was and, of course, is deceased).  After a year, it changed to my ex-girlfriend's name wherein I would remember something embarassing then and I'd say out loud "I love you, Kim."  Still happens everything I think of something embarassing while not prepared.  If I know something embarassing is coming, I can stop the urge.  Also, sometimes, it changes to "do you love me?"  But mostly, "I love you, Kim." ~Andrew