Aa
Did my husband cheat on me?
I was told yesterday that I tested positive for Chlamydia from my pap and swab test I had last Friday
I have only been with my husband for the past 5 years- Since March-2013
He had an emotional affair while I was 7 months pregnant in August 2015 and said that he only kissed the other woman. I don’t know if he did more with her or not. He says he didn’t. I also had a swab test done when I was pregnant in June 2014 and it was negative for stds. He swears he hasn’t been with anyone else and I want to believe it but how can I when I was just tested positive for Chlamydia when I know he is the only man I have been with for the past 5 years. Please help. I don’t know what to believe.
I have only been with my husband for the past 5 years- Since March-2013
He had an emotional affair while I was 7 months pregnant in August 2015 and said that he only kissed the other woman. I don’t know if he did more with her or not. He says he didn’t. I also had a swab test done when I was pregnant in June 2014 and it was negative for stds. He swears he hasn’t been with anyone else and I want to believe it but how can I when I was just tested positive for Chlamydia when I know he is the only man I have been with for the past 5 years. Please help. I don’t know what to believe.
COMMUNITY LEADER
So, here is apparently where you are.
You have been tested for chlamydia just recently, and have learned that you have it. You had a test around three years ago that you are pretty sure indicated you did not have chlamydia. (Please be entirely sure about this. We asked if you knew that you were tested specifically for chlamydia back then, and you said things like you had a swab or had a culture, as though a swab or culture can only be used to test for chlamydia. Swabs and cultures can be done for a lot of things. So the important question is, when you found out this past week that you had chlamydia, did you specifically ask the doctor at that time about the test from back when, and he actually looked in your records and confirmed that you were tested for chlamydia in 2015?) Don't mistake this if you are going to get into a fight with your husband. You sure don't want to find out later that you were never tested for chlamydia in 2015, opening the door to the possibility that you had chlamydia before you got married. It would be bad to be thinking of a divorce over a misunderstanding.
OK, then, let's assume you determine FOR SURE that you had a test specifically for chlamydia since your marriage and that it was negative. (I've been assuming all along that you have been with no other man since marriage.) This would mean you can have only gotten chlamydia from your husband. The question then becomes, could his chlamydia have pre-dated your marriage? The doctor's nurse said she had a feeling it was recent, but she might not be the best person to ask. I would sit down with the doctor and talk it over. Again, it would be bad to divorce over something that had been there before the marriage.
If the doctor can assure you that chlamydia would not have been your husband's body before marriage, and that you yourself didn't have it until after 2015 because the earlier test proved you didn't, then in your shoes I would take this all as total proof your husband has been lying. You already have the sense that he was, the doctor's information would just confirm it. If he is lying to you now, it's going to be because he is trying to preserve the status quo. But unfortunately, catching him lying is the beginning of realizing you will never be able to trust him. At that point it would be time to find a job (if you don't have one) and daycare, find a place to live, and see a lawyer. I'm so sorry. But he does not sound like he is innocent.
You have been tested for chlamydia just recently, and have learned that you have it. You had a test around three years ago that you are pretty sure indicated you did not have chlamydia. (Please be entirely sure about this. We asked if you knew that you were tested specifically for chlamydia back then, and you said things like you had a swab or had a culture, as though a swab or culture can only be used to test for chlamydia. Swabs and cultures can be done for a lot of things. So the important question is, when you found out this past week that you had chlamydia, did you specifically ask the doctor at that time about the test from back when, and he actually looked in your records and confirmed that you were tested for chlamydia in 2015?) Don't mistake this if you are going to get into a fight with your husband. You sure don't want to find out later that you were never tested for chlamydia in 2015, opening the door to the possibility that you had chlamydia before you got married. It would be bad to be thinking of a divorce over a misunderstanding.
OK, then, let's assume you determine FOR SURE that you had a test specifically for chlamydia since your marriage and that it was negative. (I've been assuming all along that you have been with no other man since marriage.) This would mean you can have only gotten chlamydia from your husband. The question then becomes, could his chlamydia have pre-dated your marriage? The doctor's nurse said she had a feeling it was recent, but she might not be the best person to ask. I would sit down with the doctor and talk it over. Again, it would be bad to divorce over something that had been there before the marriage.
If the doctor can assure you that chlamydia would not have been your husband's body before marriage, and that you yourself didn't have it until after 2015 because the earlier test proved you didn't, then in your shoes I would take this all as total proof your husband has been lying. You already have the sense that he was, the doctor's information would just confirm it. If he is lying to you now, it's going to be because he is trying to preserve the status quo. But unfortunately, catching him lying is the beginning of realizing you will never be able to trust him. At that point it would be time to find a job (if you don't have one) and daycare, find a place to live, and see a lawyer. I'm so sorry. But he does not sound like he is innocent.
1 Comments
I will add, one of the articles I read said chlamydia can lie dormant in the body for up to 20 years! So be absolutely certain you had a test for chlamydia in 2015 that was negative, and leave a tiny bit of room in your mind for the possibility he was exposed before you two met.
The std aside.....often when people get caught cheating, they will try to minimize what happened to avoid the consequences of their actions. An emotional affair? Why did that happen? Was he actually sleeping with her but said that to save his marriage? Only you know the answers, and all the factors that led to the situation.
I agree with Annie.....you should check with the doctor to see if chlamydia was part of those tests.
I agree with Annie.....you should check with the doctor to see if chlamydia was part of those tests.
10 Comments
He said he only talked to her at work because he would only see her on the weekends. And when he finally told her that he was married and had a kid on the way. She told him she was sad and I guess she liked him or something and he felt SORRY that she felt sad about him being married so he asked her is he could kiss her and she said no. Then came back and kissed him and gave him her number. He told me the next day because he felt guilty about it and he said he threw her number away. But I honestly have no idea if he was telling the truth or not. He was perfectly fine with us moving 3 hours away near my parents so we could work on our marriage and everything has been going great until now.
He has never been tested- I took him yesterday and he got tested for a 10 panel std check. I am still waiting on results.
He has never been tested- I took him yesterday and he got tested for a 10 panel std check. I am still waiting on results.
I asked because "the swab test" and "the culture test" do not equal "the test for chlamydia." They might have swabbed and cultured you for something else.
Be sure to ask the doctor specifically if a "10 panel std check" includes a test for chlamydia.
Also, when you get the results, if your husband is positive for chlamydia, ask the doctor how long someone can have chlamydia without being symptomatic. Whenever I've looked it up, it sounds like the answer is, "A long time." This would obviously have significance in terms of your immediate suspicions if either he or you had gotten chlamydia before you met. Not that it guarantees he didn't have an affair recently, but it might remove the chlamydia from the role of smoking gun.
We just got the results- he is positive for Chlamydia. Technically on this test it was considered-Detected.
We are literally sitting at a restaurant with my family right now. And he asked me “I wonder how this happened? “
I said “you” and he looked at me angrily. I already took my 4 pills the day I was told I had it and I have to go back in 4 weeks to get retested to make sure the infection goes away. And he is supposed to call tomorrow to get medicine for himself to treat himself. He is still denying that he ever did anything but it’s extremely hard to believe now.
We are literally sitting at a restaurant with my family right now. And he asked me “I wonder how this happened? “
I said “you” and he looked at me angrily. I already took my 4 pills the day I was told I had it and I have to go back in 4 weeks to get retested to make sure the infection goes away. And he is supposed to call tomorrow to get medicine for himself to treat himself. He is still denying that he ever did anything but it’s extremely hard to believe now.
And I saw the doctor today as well so I could get my birth control implant taken out so I could switch to the pill and I spoke to the nurse and I asked questions and she said that she thinks this is a more recent infection- anywhere from weeks to months. And she told me that men can carry it around for months and not know they have it as well so by the time I found out that I had it. I could have had it for several months without any issues. I noticed I was having irregular bleeding and abdominal cramps/ back pain but I thought it was because of my implant and not something else. I thought maybe I hurt my back by picking up my son and I figured my abdominal cramps were because of my periods.
But now I know that those all could have been symptoms ofmy untreated infection.
But now I know that those all could have been symptoms ofmy untreated infection.
Well, if you want to twist the knife a little, tell him he should tell the woman to get tested for chlamydia. It puts him in a pickle because of course along with trying to convince you of his innocence, if he is guilty he would be a real pig not to tell her that she could have gotten it from him. (The fact that she could have given it to him is something that if he has the remotest common sense he won't mention to her.)
I think he is just a pig. I told him to tell her and he said “ I haven’t been with anyone else”. I’m sitting here thinking “oh yeah” well that’s not what our tests are saying. He knows if he confesses to something it will be over between us because I forgave him 3 years ago. And here we are on the same path again.
I just think it’s so ironic because this is the same time he was unfaithful 3 years ago. But the fact that he doesn’t even care about my health to tell me the truth is what hurts me the most.
Thank you for help. I have tried to get the truth out of him. He isn’t budging. He has been like this since I met him.
He was supposedly a Virgin when I met him but he didn’t tell me that he had 2 previous partners until a year and a half later that we were together. There have been huge red flags throughout our relationship and marriage and I have just let it slide.
I think it would be stupid if I keep letting him lie and get away with things like this.
I just think it’s so ironic because this is the same time he was unfaithful 3 years ago. But the fact that he doesn’t even care about my health to tell me the truth is what hurts me the most.
Thank you for help. I have tried to get the truth out of him. He isn’t budging. He has been like this since I met him.
He was supposedly a Virgin when I met him but he didn’t tell me that he had 2 previous partners until a year and a half later that we were together. There have been huge red flags throughout our relationship and marriage and I have just let it slide.
I think it would be stupid if I keep letting him lie and get away with things like this.
I was 17 when I met him- a young naive teen and he was 22 now soon to be 28. I’m 23 now and a lot of things make more sense now then it did when I was younger.
What kind of boat are you in if you get a divorce? Do you have a job and family support?
COMMUNITY LEADER
Chlamydia can lie dormant in the body a long time, either in you or in your husband. It is not necessarily proof of a recent affair. Have either of you been tested for it since your marriage before now?
4 Comments
I was in the beginning of my pregnancy in June 2014 when I was pregnant with my first child. My swab test results were negative for stds and cultures.
And you are sure your results then were negative for chlamydia? Talk to your doctor, see if he or she feels your husband could have had it lie dormant for years and then pop up and infect you. No point in assuming the worst if there is another possible explanation.
Correction- I had the swab test done in June 2015- I was 6 weeks pregnant in March 2015 and my son was born on Nov 5th,2015
I accidentally put the incorrect year.
And I called and spoke to my previous ob/gyn and I asked the nurse about my medical records and I was negative when they did a culture swab on me while I was pregnant in June 2015.
My husband is also insisting that he thinks I have the wrong test result? He thinks maybe someone got it mixed up at the lab it was sent to since he is claiming to have been only with me as well.
I accidentally put the incorrect year.
And I called and spoke to my previous ob/gyn and I asked the nurse about my medical records and I was negative when they did a culture swab on me while I was pregnant in June 2015.
My husband is also insisting that he thinks I have the wrong test result? He thinks maybe someone got it mixed up at the lab it was sent to since he is claiming to have been only with me as well.
I'd certainly think the next step is for your husband to get tested for chlamydia. If he doesn't have it, then you don't have to suspect that the emotional affair went further and was in fact a physical affair. If you husband balks at having to test, tell him it's a serious issue, you need to know how you got it. And offer to re-test if your husband tests. That way you can call his bluff when he insists that this result is a mistake.
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Women's Health Community
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.
Normal vaginal discharge varies in color, smell, texture and amount.
Bumps in the genital area might be STDs, but are usually not serious.
Chlamydia, an STI, often has no symptoms, but must be treated.
From skin changes to weight loss to unusual bleeding, here are 15 cancer warning signs that women tend to ignore.
