Painless sex positions

[Marujita00]

What are the positions  that may cause less uncomfort to a women when she is having sex and she is a newbie?

In my personal case,  missionary is not  helping me, i tense my hips and legs when the guy wants to stick hid penis inside me, even when he is not full inside and just entering the vagina, my hips and legs  tight

[specialmom]

I'm thinking you should hold off on sex all together for now. It gives you a lot of anxiety and this really isn't how sex is supposed to be.  It is a much more natural thing and you seem to be trying to force it.  Spend some time getting to know your own body better alone and then maybe you can work on a sex life again.  Also, sex when it is like you describe could be because you aren't with a loving partner.  Start a relationship with someone and have it lead to sex in a romantic way rather than a friend wanting sex from you.  Better to be with someone you have real intimacy with in this case. So, work on your true dating life rather than making sex happen in a go nowhere situation.  good luck

[Marujita00]

The last time I had sex was in Mid december and ever since I havent had sex at all. Is it too much time to wait or Ihave to still waiting then?  I have seen myself naked many times so Im confident on that part Ihad also masturbated myself alone as well. The thing is that im not looking for a serious bf  now or plan to get marry to develop something serious with someone.  The guy I had sex with him it is just like a friend of mine who also do not tend to develop something serious in his future , just perhaps go out with friends and stay single. I know him for 4 years and we been on dates dinner without intiamcy  twice it was the 3rd date when we did have sex. He was always  attracted to me and viceversa and always he  wanted to be more intimate with me that just the dates we had in the past especially when we are both grown up mid age adults so like waiting and holding, I heard I dotn know if this is true,  because e were not really teenagers to wait for something more to happen we are adults.

[AnnieBrooke]

Well, Marujita, it sounds like you think the sex choo-choo train is going to leave the station and you feel you must get on it, and that is the main reason you want to have sex with this guy. Maybe you shouldn't, at least with this guy. There is no reason in the world to have sex if you are not turned on. If you are considering having non-spontaneous sex with a friend just so you can say you have a sex life, it will not be very good sex. Also, your anxiety level went through the roof. You took the fact that it wasn't very good last time as a failing on your part. It would be better not to have sex than to come away feeling like a failure. (Your partner was pretty stupid in the way he handled things, as well. He sounds no more experienced than you.) It just seems like you and he together is not going to create a happy sex life for you. It's not a matter of technique or positions, it's a matter of motivation and being so sexually excited that whether you're polished or fumbling, everything works out in the end. If you can't get that way about this guy, find someone who is lots more fun.

[Marujita00]

So far im not attracted to any other guy and to have sex you have to have some sort  of attraction to a guy otherwise you better not even do it right?  Im not dating at the moment or have a bf eitehr or seeing other guys. Guys do not approach me to even ask me out anyway. And you know that when a guy some gusy hit a certain age they do ntoeven want to settle  so for them it is better to be involved in a FWB kind of thing. To summarize thing I had never ever ever had boyfriends in my past, never dated either, never hang out with boys so I dont ahve that young experience of dating or bf at least to choose who I was more attracted to. I  had never broke up with any guy as I have never dated any guy in order to break up with somene. I dont have men experience until I met this guy 4 yrs go a guy who finally I had a connection even if it was late for me because now im approaching 50 and i never had that when I was much younger.

[specialmom]

Truthfully, it doesn't seem like you really 'got' my advice.  Something is missing and it's not sex in your life.  You are forcing sex it seems.   Why have you had no intimacy in your life all these years?  Why haven't you ever date?  That is really the issue here.  Is there a reason you do not connect with others or have romantic relationships?

[AnnieBrooke]

Or, do you connect fine with others but just have not been that interested in boyfriends? It's perfectly possible to have a happy life that doesn't include relations with others that are sexual.

[specialmom]

Sure Anniebrooke but these people that are content do not normally then seek to please 'a friend' sexually when they get no enjoyment at all out of it themselves and ask 52 questions about making it better (mostly because the guy complained).

[AnnieBrooke]

Special, I was asking because some people identify as asexual, the way some identify as gay, bi, or hetero, but asexuals might still sometimes have sex to please a partner.  If Marujita lives in a place where social conservatism is the rule, she might not ever have heard of this as a defined sexual identity.  It's hard to know what's going on for Marujita, but things don't sound promising in this situation with this man. She could look up asexuality (the community calls itself "ace") and see if maybe that is what is going on for her.

[Marujita00]

To answer all of you about my sex life or romantic life until now when im this old.  Until my actual age is  where I had been more open about what I feel to a man. Much younger I had never ever experience any of that. It hit me only when i was past 40.s  One of you asked why I had not intimacy all my life before.

Well my lets say romantic life when I was much younger was  0. I never had boyfriends to date, not dates to hang out, guys do not pursue me or chase me, I was shy, I never was very social , I was a hy girl at  high shcool, college and even in my early years of entering the work force. I was very unluckyin taht kind of deaprtment. So I never gain experience of anything not having a bf/gf relationship, no dates, guys never asked me out or find me interesting to do that, i was shy, I hardly went to parties wth friends.

So If I never had that experience with guys  I never had a chance of aintimacy or to learn about it and I never elt like the need to really rush myself to look for guys to date, even if maybe in my mind wantd to be like other girls otu ther with boyfriends, dates, etc that I never had when I was  in my 20 or 30.

Then it came the particular guy I mention her when I was just 45 yrs old a guy that I hit it off right away, had soem connection immediately, nothign that I ever exprience before at all. Both single, no kids, etc But this happen when i was just 45  not when I was  younger, Younger I had not had ny guy experience at all  like I explained.

So I dont know if i consider myself asexual in this case, i simply di dnot have the opportunities to meet and date when I was younger to experience sexual feelings.

[mkh9]

There is nothing wrong with waiting until you get married or have a serious relationship before having sex. It could be also that your hormones are low. You could get that checked. Low testosterone and estrogen could be the problem. Maybe you haven't found what sex you are interested in? You should live your live the way you want and not how others expect to you to. I do think there are some sex positions that are better for some people that others. You have to experiment with that. But did you say you could have an orgasm by doing yourself? Most kids figure it out when you are young. Are you on any medication like anti-depressants? Some mediations can make you have no sex drive too.
regards,
mkh9

[AnnieBrooke]

It does not sound like the problem is the position.  If someone is excited and turned on, one position is as good as another, but if she is having sex only as a rite of passage or merely because a man has expressed interest, it's hardly surprising if it doesn't produce a lot of pleasure. Of course you will tense up if that is what is going on, and performance anxiety is a real killer of pleasure. Can't you find a man to have sex with who is a more understanding and relaxed person in bed?