Mental Problems/Guess I lost it

[innerchild09]

As some of you know I have not been doing good at all. I know I wrote a lot about the things going on and how stressed out and depressed I have been feeling. Things were falling apart and everything was lousy. Well everything just seemed to pile up on me and I lost it. I know maybe you were expecting a ton of details why I have been absent and what happened while I was gone and all this. Sorry to disapoint you but I dont know. My memory well it was always bad but it got really bad. Im not even sure why I left. I guess I got lost in my own world maybe. I dont know. I wish I had the answers. Im not even sure how I made it through all that. I guess I did or well then I wouldnt be here at all. Im still not well. I space out a lot. Feel like Im in and out of it. Feels like Im not all here. I know this sounds crazy. It really does. This is another really hard thing for me to talk about. I guess this really makes me feel I am crazy. Like how could I forget what I did and stuff. Did I just lose it? I dont know. Stuff like this happened before but I think this was like the worst. I call it zoning out. I dont know. So I dont have an answer. I dont know what I was doing for most of it. I remember some of it breifly but just not much of it. Like I said I was out of it. I have no explimation. Oh and I know the 1st thing people are going to say, see a shrink. Yeah I know I need one. I needed one then too. I dont have one. I dont have insurance. I cant afford to see another doctor. Its to expencive. Aughhhh. When it rains it pours and thunders and lightnings. Still I am doing better then i was or I probably still wouldnt be able to be here. But I am here right now. I wanted to be then too but I couldnt. Wasnt functioning. Maybe I forgot how to come here too. Not sure. Like I said wasnt myself. So really I just wrote this to update everyone and hoping for a bit of support. Im still stuck in a situation where Im in the house all the time. And I dont go out. Maybe it didnt matter. Id probably forget most of it anyway. Seems like I forgot it all anyway. My memory is awful. My mental health is awful. Everything really ***** right now. Things got to hard. to bad. to much, So I guess I just lost it. Thanks for listening.

[amylove21]

Hey everyone. I've been really busy. So hope you are doing ok. Sorry about your mother wanting to leave and that it scared you. I hope that things will be ok for you. Hope you feel better soon and that things start to improve.

So I am ok right now. I was busy and stuff. So today I didn't go out actually I ended up taking a nap. It was supposed to be a nap. Instead it was more sleep. So I was in bed most of the day. Now I'm a bit bummed because it might mess up my scedual. I really don't want to get my days and nights mixed up. Iv'e been there before. I don't mind like on a Friday night or Saturday night staying out until 12 or 1 but other then that I want to be asleep at night not in the day because now I might not be tired until 4 in the morning and then that interfears with my daily life. So I don't know.

Oh great sounds like another arguement is starting. Should'nt they be in bed? Hope that I get to talk to you both soon.

[innerchild09]

Thanks for replying. My future is uncertain but I am doing better right now. I dont know if mom is going to leave or not but if she does then she does and I dont know what Ill do but wait and see what my family does, And freaaaak too. So thats about all. But right now I am doing ok.

I am so glad that you had a great time on your trip. Im really happy for you. Hope that you are doing ok too. Talk to you sometime soon.

[TheLightSeeker]

Hey innerchild.
I'm back and I'm truly sorry about your situation.
Would you consider to go back to "Dialogue with "Illness"?
There's something that happens in this "exchange" that may offer
you some slightly different perspective in dealing with your issues.

The song "Courage" or "Come out and play"
@ www.youtube.com/watch?v=PwoUM8ETFfk      ( by my friend Justin Hines.)
Having listened to this song over 50 times, I still get tears in my eyes.
Hope you can listen to it.

Could you think of a couple things that may make things better in your life?
And if you do, would you share them in your next post, for other members' benefit?

We had a nice trip to Toronto and the training was awesome!
I've been practicing and applying my new "stuff" and it is simply extraordinary.
More about this another time!
gtg now!
Hope you feel better very soon!
Blessings,
Nikodicreta

[innerchild09]

Ok well things are back to being super lousy. My internet was off for several days. So I couldnt make it online.

Oh mom is thinking about leaving me. I dont know what will happen if she does, She wants to move close to her school she is going to. Its ot good. I wish I didnt need her. I wish I could just say bye. But she knows Ill cry for her agian cuz without her theres no one. So she can keep me this way. If she leaves then I dont know what will happen. I cant take this. Thought you all deserve an update.

[innerchild09]

Hey there. And yesterday is the answer. Thank you.

Thats ok I was actually busy myself. I had a great time out yesterday getting clothes and stuff. It was nice. So I have been busy lately. It was so nice getting out.

Sorry you had a bad dream. Hope you got some more sleep and with no nightmares.

Thats cool. I hope your family thing went great. That ok I guess we were both busy.

Talk soon.

[amylove21]

I'm really sorry that you are down over fathers day and over your birthday. Not sure when it is but happy birthday. Hope it goes ok.

I have been busy. I'm doing ok. I actually woke up from a lousy dream so I thought I would check this since I had a bit of time. Think I am going to go back to bed now.

Hope everyone is doing ok. I don't know if I'll be on later or not because I am doing a family thing. So I will be busy agian.

You take care too.