What the hell is wrong with you people!!!! I recognize this post is 7 years old at this point and I’d love to hear how this played out. She was 13! Giving children cigarettes is illegal and should be considered child abuse. If your allowing it to happen under a roof that you live in, then you’re condoning it. Deep down you know what she’s doing is wrong or you wouldn’t have posted about it. I’m a firm believer that it takes a village to raise a child and the role of a step parent has huge potential for shaping a child’s life. I’m hoping that if you did indeed join this family that your relationship with her Mom was respectful enough that you could have an intervening opinion that helped the daughter become a health conscious non-smoking now 20 year old.
Keyboard was sticking, I'll use my phone, Well let her smoke. Sit down and have one with her she's probably addicted now, You know yourself it's difficult to give up. My twin daughters starting at 8 with my persission.
I'm new to the forum, so bear with me but I'd like to say that I agree with Becky. I think it's easier to make decisions on your own. My wife lets her daughter smoke because her daughter was interested in it and she let her try it. But if she didn't like it at first, she wouldn't do it. I'm perfectly fine with it.
I'd suggest that as you let the relationship with the mother develop, keep an eye on the daughter. Perhaps you can speak with the mother regarding the health concerns, but you can potentially make a bigger impact by saying nothing at all. Do all you can to promote a healthier lifestyle for this young lady. Be involved in her daily life, but not intrusive.
You can also leave miscellaneous anti-smoking propoganda laying around, but that is rather passive-aggressive.
I don't know, man. You are in a pickle. I wonder if this can be seen as a form of abuse or neglect?
I wish I could say that Im astonished in this day in age that someone would let their teenager smoke in the house, but maybe Im just out of sync with the times. But I guess it isnt exactly a new trend though, because my mother let us smoke in the house as teenagers, and now both my sister and I are still chain smokers to this day. Lately Ive been fighting with my 9 year old to get her to stop sneaking around and smoking cigarettes behind my back. Its been a battle for every inch, because its almost like shes trying to become a smoker just like me, which I cant stand. I can only imagine how hard thatd be with a 13 year old, probably makes a parent just want to give up. I cant believe Id say it, but Im about ready to throw in the towel on that issue myself. I guess kids are just going to smoke if they want to smoke, and theres not much we can ever do about it.
theres probably not alot you can do as the boyfriend. my stepdad let me start smoking at home when I was about that age, maybe 11 or 12, he even gave me cigarettes which probably why I got addicted so young. even though my mom also smoked it still made her mad at first, but even when we fought about it it still didnt stop me from smoking.
even when she divorcd my stepdad when I was 14 and started dating other guys, but none of my moms boyfriends could ever tell me what to do. one of them even tried to tell me I shouldnt be smoking and partying so young but I just ignored him. I figured hed just be gone in a few months. he was. But its maybe ok if youll feel better about telling her youre worried about her and just want to be sure shes ok, that will sound sweet (maybe) and not preachy.
yea, i agree with allmymarbles, you should totally stay out of it. maybe if you were her actual step father, and youd like been her stepfather since before she started smoking then itd be different.
also just because she lets her teenage daughter smoke dont mean shes a bad mom. its good you can see the rest of her qualities, so try not to get too hung up on it. my mom also let me smoke at the house growing up and was way worse about it, like she gave me my first cigarette when i was about 9 years old and it wasnt long after that before I started becoming a regular smoker. im pretty sure i got like a carton of cigarettes for christmas when i was 12. maybe she thought she was being a cool mom or something letting me smoke when i was so young. i dunno, but i can say that she wasnt the only mom in our trailer park who let their teenager smoke.
looking back on it it was probably like a bad idea for my mom to buy me all those cartons of cigarettes when i was growing up, but i prolly was going to be a smoker anyways so maybe it didnt matter. i really cant blame my mom for it, afterall she was just doing something that i really wanted anyway. its probably the same deal with your girlfriends situation with her daughter; if the daughter really wants to smoke then maybe the mom just figured shed pass on this fight and save it up for when she really had to lay down the law when it really counted. cant say i completely agree with that thinking, but i can say that i do understand it. either way, unless its like virtual criminal activity, how she parents her child is not necessarily your business, so you may just not go out of your way to bring the issue up.
I guess it is wisest to stay out of it. Although smoking at that age is particularly bad, both you and your girlfriend smoke, so it is difficult for either of you to advise or restrict the girl's habit. It is strange, though. My father was a heavy smoker, but none of my brothers or sisters, or I, smoked when we were young. This did not seem odd to me. It was just the way it was. Adults smoked. Children didn't. I wonder why your girlfriend didn't take that tack.
I remember once, when I was chaperoning a school dance, that someone took issue with me for smoking. She said the children weren't allowed to, so I shouldn't. I said I wasn't a child. I also noted that were children to be equated with adults then perhaps I should be seeking a sexual partner for my pubescent daughter, or give up sleeping with my husband. That stopped the conversation right there.