Aa
14 year old boys masturbating in class
I am a regular education teacher. I have two male students, age 14, who have, masturbated in class. One more frequently than the other. They are not diagnosed with anything more serious than ADHD. I want them to get the help they need. I also know that their behavior is obvious enough to impact the learning environment. I have been told this is not the case because no parent has complained. I feel that most 14 year olds find this behavior extremely embarrasing and will not mention it. I have been told that they cannot be removed from my class. Please help.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, a child with ADHD and not on medication is very prone to impulses (lack of control) and this could be what is causing the problem - or not.
And it is certainly something that needs to be dealt with. As a retired 8th grade teacher - I don't see how removing them from your class for this kind of action would benefit them. I would first talk to their teachers from last year and see if they also had noticed this and what they did. I would also talk to the school psyc. Do the kids have IEPs or 504's? If this is something that never had happened until this year - then I would have some suspicions about if it is really going on or if they are trying to get attention.
But what this come down to is what are they really doing in class. If they are quietly rubbing themselves - thats one thing. If they are drawing attention to themselves and disrupting the class - thats a whole different thing, and should be dealt with like you would do anyone who disrupts class. Do they sit together? Are they egging each other on. I would certainly move them either up front - my personal choice or way to the back and make sure they are separated.
I agree with you completely that no 14 year old child is going to go home and tell their parent about what is happening. And it is embarrassing behavior and a bit weird. I typically got all the special ed kids in my science class and never had a situation like that going on.
Since you mentioned that, "I have been told that they cannot be removed from my class." You obviously have talked to someone and if that is the only advice they gave you (which I understand) - thats not real helpful.
So do find out what was going on last year. Do treat this as a class disruption. Don't be afraid to say in private - " hey guys, I don't know what is going on but when you (don't say masturbate) make all those weird motions or sounds? You disrupt the class and I won't allow that to happen.
Hope this helps.
And it is certainly something that needs to be dealt with. As a retired 8th grade teacher - I don't see how removing them from your class for this kind of action would benefit them. I would first talk to their teachers from last year and see if they also had noticed this and what they did. I would also talk to the school psyc. Do the kids have IEPs or 504's? If this is something that never had happened until this year - then I would have some suspicions about if it is really going on or if they are trying to get attention.
But what this come down to is what are they really doing in class. If they are quietly rubbing themselves - thats one thing. If they are drawing attention to themselves and disrupting the class - thats a whole different thing, and should be dealt with like you would do anyone who disrupts class. Do they sit together? Are they egging each other on. I would certainly move them either up front - my personal choice or way to the back and make sure they are separated.
I agree with you completely that no 14 year old child is going to go home and tell their parent about what is happening. And it is embarrassing behavior and a bit weird. I typically got all the special ed kids in my science class and never had a situation like that going on.
Since you mentioned that, "I have been told that they cannot be removed from my class." You obviously have talked to someone and if that is the only advice they gave you (which I understand) - thats not real helpful.
So do find out what was going on last year. Do treat this as a class disruption. Don't be afraid to say in private - " hey guys, I don't know what is going on but when you (don't say masturbate) make all those weird motions or sounds? You disrupt the class and I won't allow that to happen.
Hope this helps.
i have to say at 14 yrs old it is most definitely not acceptable,you say that parents have not complained...do they know? and also,whether or not they have adhd,they should most definitely know right from wrong and should be dealt with in the correct and helpful way if they have a problem as why should other pupils suffer this behaviour..
Your school administration implied it is OK for kids to masturbate in class as long as parents don't complain? That is the most head-in-the-sand thing I have ever heard. If the kids were doing this in the mall, or a restaurant, or a movie, they could get arrested. How appalling for the other kids in the class. Of course the other kids don't want to be the first to complain, how mortifying for them if their mom or dad made a fuss to the school and they (the kid who complained) was fingered as the rat who got the kids into trouble. But how gross for them to have to sit in a room where the guy in the next row is masturbating. A school should be sensitive to the risk of a lawsuit from one of the other kids for being subjected to a sexualized act in a classroom during the school day. Obvious question -- are the two guys sitting together or near each other, where they can see each other and essentially challenge each other to be more outrageous than before? Have you mixed up the seating chart in the room to put them in opposite corners or both in the front row?
I think a small surveillance cam on the kids, and then a meeting with the boys and their parents by someone such as a vice principal, that includes the boys watching the video with their parents, could cause them never to do it again, and wouldn't pin unmanageable blame on either you or the other kids in the class.
Teenagers are old enough to know full well that masturbation is wrong to do in a public place, and that decent behavior is expected of citizens in public. The fact that they are 14 suggests that they do know this, since you say they are regular students and not special education students. That is why I am wondering if they are just doing it to up the thrill level and challenge each other, and I'm wondering if it is directed particularly at someone in the classroom other than themselves, again as a challenge. Bringing in the parents and having them watch a video might take all the fun out of the game ... something about having a parent watch oneself be really stupid makes it less enticing to be stupid.
Good luck, sounds awful. If nothing else, mention to your administration the threat of a lawsuit from someone else in the classroom who dislikes being forced to be around someone who is masturbating.
I think a small surveillance cam on the kids, and then a meeting with the boys and their parents by someone such as a vice principal, that includes the boys watching the video with their parents, could cause them never to do it again, and wouldn't pin unmanageable blame on either you or the other kids in the class.
Teenagers are old enough to know full well that masturbation is wrong to do in a public place, and that decent behavior is expected of citizens in public. The fact that they are 14 suggests that they do know this, since you say they are regular students and not special education students. That is why I am wondering if they are just doing it to up the thrill level and challenge each other, and I'm wondering if it is directed particularly at someone in the classroom other than themselves, again as a challenge. Bringing in the parents and having them watch a video might take all the fun out of the game ... something about having a parent watch oneself be really stupid makes it less enticing to be stupid.
Good luck, sounds awful. If nothing else, mention to your administration the threat of a lawsuit from someone else in the classroom who dislikes being forced to be around someone who is masturbating.
just reading over again...it really is quite very very very wrong...they are 14...it shouldnt even be a question on medhelp..they should of been dealt with... for gods sake they 14..before i was being polite..but my god..suspend them and give the parents a right ticking off for gods sake.. it really is soo sooooo very wrong ther behaviour...hellloooooooooooooo
not exceptable..disgusting behaviour,..think about it...deal with it accordingly..
not exceptable..disgusting behaviour,..think about it...deal with it accordingly..
Absolutely wrong and bad for others in class, needs to be reported ...abnormal in my opinion .
absolutely...i was trying to be diplomatic but i couldnt of put it better...abnormal and very very wrong
Have you told them that this behavior is forbidden in the classroom? Sometimes that is all it takes. If you do not put a stop to this, then eventually everyone will sit and stare at them as though they were watching animals in a zoo. Or they might just get on the bandwagon and join in.
Altogether an unhealthy, antisocial business....
Altogether an unhealthy, antisocial business....
first of all i have to say that although there have been several responses to your post..there has been no response from yourself...and when i log into medhelp,like anyone,i review my posts...and people have gone out there way to give valid and helpful advice,...NOW..the more i read over this post each time i log in,..i find it more and more disturbing,regarding the original post... to put it bluntly..Teacher..14 yr old boys..Masturbating!!! And also saying no problems but with ADHD. there are millions of families with children with ADHD,up and down the country,of all ages.all around the world... but you say you have 2 14 yrs olds up to this kind of behaviour and you also say your at a loss on dealing with it..., disregard my initial responses and posts as i was far too sympathetic..and im sorry but this is absolutely,and i cant stress that enough..absolutely..unacceptable behaviour...not only that,what effect or what must the children(and they are children)in your class be thinking... it amazes me that this question was posted..because it should be something that should of been dealt with without question... i dont know where your from,but i hope its far away from me
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well Lisa - you have probably guaranteed that he will never reply. If you had read his question carefully he said, " I have been told that they cannot be removed from my class." I would assume that he meant the administration told him that which was why he was asking for some kind of help. And, for someone to have told him that - he must have told someone. In fact there is a lot we don't know about what went on - hence several of my questions.
Point being is that your last sentence, in my opinion, is uncalled for and certainly not very helpful.
Point being is that your last sentence, in my opinion, is uncalled for and certainly not very helpful.
Please do not Well me MrSandman in the condescending way you did for a kick off...i read his post..as he didnt ask a question if you actually read it yourself..he described a situation that he didnt know what to do about and asked for help!....Did you read carefully..as there was no mention of the school just that the parents did not complain..so what was actually mentioned in the first place because im sure as a parent myself and i found that two boys were masturbating in the same classroom as my daughter im sure i would mention it....dont you think? dont you think its strange that no parent found it very much a serious issue? so please..tell me...where do you see what i said uncalled for?...
Point being...in your last post...in my opinion..was totally unjust an basically...think about it will ye..i mean the first post...
Two fourteen year olds in my classroom full of other students behaving the way they did....sorry! i would of kicked em out my classroom..and fought tooth and nail against the principal and the parents and made sure dam well it was known it was undeniably wrong and there would be consequences for there wrongful behaviour...not post on a site querying it...
Two fourteen year olds in my classroom full of other students behaving the way they did....sorry! i would of kicked em out my classroom..and fought tooth and nail against the principal and the parents and made sure dam well it was known it was undeniably wrong and there would be consequences for there wrongful behaviour...not post on a site querying it...
COMMUNITY LEADER
Umm, maybe I took your last sentence the wrong way when you said, " i dont know where your from,but i hope its far away from me." I kind of thought that was a personal attack on him and thus was not very helpful. If you are saying you would not want to be around parents or a school that would let that go on - that would make a difference.
Mr Sandman...can i ask one thing from you?...and that is too really..i mean really read over grinch..,post again...
Only i read it and commented..and read again..then the more i read other peoples posts and what he actually posted disturbed me....
Are you a parent? He does not mention actually complaining to the educational system..or any mention of anything really..he just says that ther was no complaints off parents but he doesnt say nothing else....
Forgive me if im reading too much into it..but i know im not...Its so wrong...for what he is saying and for no action taken and for him to post on an internet medhelp site for advice.....
Im sorry...rings alarm bells in my head
Only i read it and commented..and read again..then the more i read other peoples posts and what he actually posted disturbed me....
Are you a parent? He does not mention actually complaining to the educational system..or any mention of anything really..he just says that ther was no complaints off parents but he doesnt say nothing else....
Forgive me if im reading too much into it..but i know im not...Its so wrong...for what he is saying and for no action taken and for him to post on an internet medhelp site for advice.....
Im sorry...rings alarm bells in my head
COMMUNITY LEADER
There really is a lack of information in his post. What he did say in his last sentence was " I have been told that they cannot be removed from my class."
He must have told that to someone at his school and that person advised him that the kids could not be removed from his class. Now who that person was - we don't know.
He also said, " I have been told this is not the case because no parent has complained." When referring to the impact on the learning environment. Here again, this is someone either a counselor or administrator telling him that as they are the only ones that would know that no parent has complained. Hence, the reason, I think for his post. He feels somewhat powerless in his situation and was looking for help.
But, ya, typically if someone is going to reply they do it fairly soon or perhaps a private message. So I think we are probably now talking to ourselves.
He must have told that to someone at his school and that person advised him that the kids could not be removed from his class. Now who that person was - we don't know.
He also said, " I have been told this is not the case because no parent has complained." When referring to the impact on the learning environment. Here again, this is someone either a counselor or administrator telling him that as they are the only ones that would know that no parent has complained. Hence, the reason, I think for his post. He feels somewhat powerless in his situation and was looking for help.
But, ya, typically if someone is going to reply they do it fairly soon or perhaps a private message. So I think we are probably now talking to ourselves.
Thank you for your reply. One of the students is new to the district. The other student when I checked with the previous year's teachers already. They claimed he masturbated every day, all the time last year and he did it the year before. The behavior is extremely noticeable especially because his chait squeaked super loudly. I don't feel its a performance but it has a social component with the other kid who is doing it.
I have been told by the administration to ignore it and not discuss it with my colleagues.
Harsh. I posted in hopes of getting more info. not insults. I have pushed as hard as I can. I have been told by thee administration I am not allowed to discuss it. I have been dragged into my bosses office twice about this issue. As breadwinner of my family I have had to drop it.
Furthermor, I have met with both sets of parents and prior to the meetings was specifically instructed not to raise the issue.
i apologise..you did say that there was no complaints from parents therefore i assumed they werent informed because as a parent i would of complained to the hilt.... i understand the position your in and i appreciate there is a lot more depth to it..again,i apologise for seeming insensitive and unsupportive... with utmost regards and hope the best for you
can i also add..that medhelp is here to help people and give them advice and support..so again,i apologise to you...
Annie you are so my favorite person on here now=)
I couldn't agree more! This is outrageous! How can a school allow this to happen? It is indirect sexual harassment, & definitely should not be tolerated! If my daughter was in this school I would be speaking to the superintendent... Unbelievable... I hope things change for you soon grinch.
I couldn't agree more! This is outrageous! How can a school allow this to happen? It is indirect sexual harassment, & definitely should not be tolerated! If my daughter was in this school I would be speaking to the superintendent... Unbelievable... I hope things change for you soon grinch.
Lisa, I'm not sure what you do for a living, but my mother is a teacher. Not only is it extremely difficult dealing with issues with students, but it is even more difficult finding full time teaching jobs right now. I completely understand grinch's hesitation to make too many waves. So maybe in the future you could be a bit more understanding to the unique situations people are in before jumping to conclusions, especially when they just want help.
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Child Behavior Community
Fearing autism, many parents aren't vaccinating their kids. Can doctors reverse this dangerous trend?
Is a gluten-free diet right for you?
We answer your top questions about the flu vaccine.
Learn which over-the-counter medicines are safe for you and your baby
Yummy eats that will keep your child healthy and happy
Healing home remedies for common ailments
