Whose the dad

[ladygirl456]

I slept with two guys and I’m not sure which one is the dad and I need help . I got my period on June 26th and so ovulation would have been 14 days after. The first guy had a vasectomy 10 years ago and I slept with him on the 12th . He went and had his semen tested and first test showed few non motile sperm the dr belived it was misread and ordered another test and it came back sperm free . The other guy I slept with on the 9th, 10th , 12th and 13th with no protection . He has never been able to have kids but I’m getting a NIPT Dna get done . I’m so afraid it’s the guy with the vasectomy .

[ladygirl456]

Wanted to come back and update . I sent my daughters dna to ravgen and they confirmed the test was correct and she does favor my boyfriend ❤️ I can’t thank ravgen enough for helping me through the hellish 9 months of pregnancy I went through . If anyone has questions please feel free to pm me . I know what the stress of paternity is like

[ladygirl456]

I have more day left . I’m nervous . I can’t thank you enough for the support you’ve shown me ❤️ I will come back and post for other women too . You’ve been amazing Annie

[AnnieBrooke]

One more day? Wow! I'll be wanting to hear. :)

Be sure to talk to your doctor (your regular ob/gyn) about postpartum, and how to recognize it, and what to do if it hits. They have all sorts of saves.

Let us know!

Annie

[ladygirl456]

Thanks Annie on way to the hospital now

[AnnieBrooke]

Congrats! Thinking of you.

[AnnieBrooke]

How's it going? This is your last week, am I right? Getting exciting!

[ladygirl456]

Annie i didn’t know if there was a glitch from the site I tried posting in the recovery rooms and it says error

[AnnieBrooke]

Try sending dominosarah a p.m. :)

[Emily_MHManager]

Are you still having problems posting in Addiction?

[Emily_MHManager]

Feel free to send me a PM. :)

[ladygirl456]

I will come back and update . Thanks Annie for your help ❤️

[AnnieBrooke]

Congratulations! Now see a counselor about your stress, guilt and fear, so they stop running the show. They won't be good for the baby.

[ladygirl456]

I really can’t thank you enough . I know tomorrow ill be nervous but I’m ready . 9 months of worry and I anxious

[AnnieBrooke]

If you test with both guys, one will get a positive and the other will get a negative, and that should ease your mind. Don't let the worry take over. I was asking about your cycles because it is possible you had sex with Mr. Vasectomy in the wrong time frame for there to be a serious risk of pregnancy from him even if his vasectomy had failed, which it probably did not.

[ladygirl456]

I will be updating this post with my final results . I did get my results back from Ravgen and they said the vasectomy guy is not the father and the toothbrush I sent in for my boyfriend was the dad and matched every time . They even did a peace of mind retest and confirmed the same results . I pray they are right . I’ve read people claiming they got false results from Ravgen . They’ve been a great company so far and I will upstate this with the results once the baby is born . I just pray this baby is healthy and these results are correct

[ladygirl456]

I have done so much research and decided to use Ravgen labs . I know I’m probably being over paranoid but I want to enjoy my pregnancy . I feel really guilty about cheating on my boyfriend and cannot tell him . I am sending in his toothbrush and the other guy is getting a swab . I have been told it would be like winning the lottery if it’s the guy with the vasectomy but that lab error made me worry . I slept with my boyfriend right before and after the vasectomy guy with no protection .

[AnnieBrooke]

When you say the phrase "few non motile," do you mean that the test showed a few sperm but they were non-motile? Or that the test showed many that were motile and few that were not motile?

[ladygirl456]

It showed very few non motile sperm but didn’t give a read so he did the more detailed test and The second test he did showed no sperm .

[ladygirl456]

But yeah the few that were present were not moving

[AnnieBrooke]

OK, well, it suggests a lab error then, since nothing about a vasectomy makes sperm come out dead. They either come out a live or they are not present.

Let's talk about your situation. Are your cycles like clockwork, with a period that absolutely without fail comes every 28 days and has done this for years and years? Or does it vary?

[AnnieBrooke]

"alive," not "a live"

[AnnieBrooke]

I've got to go offline. Was also wondering, what lab do you intend to use for the test? Some have much better reputations than others, and the last thing you want to do is pay the huge bucks and still be worried and wondering.

[ladygirl456]

Sorry I responded in the wrong place I believe . I’m new to this site . I’m using Ravgen labs .

[ladygirl456]

I feel so guilty about the cheating An day can’t even enjoy this pregnancy . I can’t fell my boyfriend bc he is a good man and Would leave and I can’t blame him . The other guy with the vasectomy paid for Ravgen test and said he would do whatever was needed to ease my mind but he said the dr told him it was 1/2000 odds that he is the father . Ive just read horror stories about vasectomies failing

[AnnieBrooke]

Hm. Well, sometimes people who have slept with someone outside their relationship let their guilt settle on fear of who is the dad, because that thought is easier to handle than it is to face the question of why she did what she did. I am not convinced, though, that guilt or shame or existential questions about why she slept with someone when in a relationship with someone else, can be eased by a prenatal DNA test.

If someone in a supposedly serious relationship has sex with someone else, it's never a waste to try to figure out why. This is especially true if she was trying to get pregnant. In such a situation, actually getting pregnant can be like walking into a low-hanging object in the dark and clunking one's head. The woman suddenly realizes at a deep level that she is really doing it, bringing a baby into the world, when something about her relationship did not fulfill her enough to keep from sleeping with someone else.  That's a pretty difficult realization to come to once pregnant. So, often she will instead let her anxiety revolve around "what if?" negative scenarios involving more and more unlikely hypotheticals around paternity. Women have written in who have gotten not one but two prenatal DNA tests, and they are STILL asking "Could the tests be wrong?!?!?!" This is not because they really think deep in their heart that the wrong guy is the dad. It's often because bringing a baby into the world when they were not 100% committed to their relationship (such that infidelity was even possible) is such a shocker that anything seems easier to think about than what that means.

In your shoes, I'd think really hard, and either get serious about the boyfriend, forever, or get ready to just tell the truth and let the chips fall where they may. In answer to your question, though, Ravgen is an excellent DNA testing lab, in a field where there are some labs that are really bad.

[ladygirl456]

I absolutely agree . I am very insecure and when I met my boyfriend I honestly believed he was to good for me . I love him with all my heart and want to spend my life with him . I cheated bc I kept thinking if he left me I’d have someone to fall back on . I dated the vasectomy guy last year for a couple of months . I honesty know my guilt is because I’ve met the perfect man and I never thought I’d get pregnant. I know I can’t tell him or he will leave . I need to seak therapy bc I seem to sabotage the good things in my life due to fear of losing them . I own a zoo and spend my days with large cats and Monkeys but when it comes to people my insecurities hold me back . You have been amazing . I’ve read a lot of the women’s post and I do see the gilt in them as they obsess . I wish life had a rewind button . I’m 37 years old and still learning life’s lessons . You have been amazing ❤️

[AnnieBrooke]

If you do decide to keep this secret, here is what you do to atone for not letting your boyfriend know the true state of affairs. You commit in your heart and on everything you hold sacred, that you will make him the happiest daddy in the world forever. This means, you get your own act together and never do any such thing again. It's a price. You don't get to give the glad eye to anyone ever again, except him. But if you cannot promise this, you owe it to him to tell him what happened, so he can make a fully informed decision. Frankly, I often counsel transparency, but I also think some guys would take this trade. Certainty of a wife or partner who would never stray and always try to make him happy, in exchange for not knowing this secret.  You are considering taking away this choice, so you have to give him something in return.

Take care, and congratulations, you are going to be a mommy! There are women who trade places with you right now, just read the infertility forum.

[ladygirl456]

You have helped me so much ❤️❤️I truly can’t thank you enough. What a blessing it has been just to speak with you . I will make him the happiest husband and be faithful and loyal and honor him . He has been such a blessing in my life . You are an angel for taking the time to help me

[AnnieBrooke]

I think you're going to do fine.

[AnnieBrooke]

Incidentally, be sure that if you do test, you test with both guys. Don't let the cost stop you. People who are unnecessarily worried (and I would count worrying about someone with a vasectomy that has been tested and shown to be effective, as unnecessarily worried) are not usually soothed by a test coming up negative. You need one to be positive and the other to be negative, so one man's test confirms the other's.

If you would also write back when you get your test results to let other ladies reading your story know what happened, that would be nice, too. Once the tests are over, the woman's problem is over too, and often she doesn't write back, and others do wonder how it turned out.

Take care.

Annie