I have not been to the doctor yet. I for a very long time( since maybe i have 5 years old) have many compulsions. Often related with number 5. Many things what i di when i was playing( i never have friends) i everything I did in my imagination was related to 5. Often i was had intrusive thoughts, witch i fight. When i was 12 i was remembered the bad life events and the dazzling thoughts. Throughout my life, I have always struggled internally with some problem that I have been discussing and worrying over and over again. There was a moment when I was afraid of acid from a car battery ( i often help my dad witch car repair) and whenever I touched anything that was in contact with the battery I just had to wash my hands. Compulsions were full, for example, I had to sniff 5 rolls before I bit her I often had intrusive thoughts that something would happen to someone, and then I tried to recall it somehow. This is something that accompanies me all my life and just when I wanted to start to follow a girl a year ago(nothing came of it that probably strengthened it), it started to be hell which which continues to this day.... That situation witch pornography film was one-off situation. When i checked second time nothing like this happened again. Recently, it began with a powerful groinal reaction. It wasn't normal. There was a powerful reaction from the beginning for a minute without an erection. I decided to wait for it to pass because it usually goes through. And it just happened
Sorry you are having a rough time. I agree that you need to get into therapy right away if you aren't already. OCD is difficult and I encourage you to discuss this with a psychiatrist. That is the best way to move past it if you can. So, OCD is not just the typical rituals that people carry out but there are mental rituals that follow obsessive thought. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/think-act-be/201601/mental-rituals-in-obsessive-compulsive-disorder. So, you'll have to think about how this could or may not be the case with you. Again, exploring with a doctor is best. Clearly, you are anxious about things in your life so a therapist would also be very helpful to help sort it out.
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I think you're submitting yourself to labels rather than your true problem. While OCD diagnoses are becoming more and more varied as are most diagnostic categories, you only have OCD if you engage in ritualistic behaviors that if you don't perform them you suffer a lot of anxiety. All the others are just names for obsessive thinking, and everyone with mental illness has obsessive thinking or they wouldn't be suffering with mental illness. Why this is important is that the treatment is quite different -- with OCD, you have to get to a point where you don't perform the rituals and realize you will survive it. Whether this therapy will work or not has no guarantee, but the therapy for all other forms of anxiety is going to be focused on how that anxiety manifests itself. So you might have OCD, I don't know, but what you're describing above is great insecurity about your sexuality and obsessive anxiety about it. You don't say if you're acting on what you're afraid of. You say you abuse pornography, but that too is a subjective and normative concept -- you have to have a moral belief that pornography is wrong to look at to believe this is a problem. I'm not going there, I don't really have a strong opinion on that -- my bigger interest personally is whether those who make porn are doing it willingly or not, not whether it's right or wrong to look at it -- but I would just suggest that you seem to have a really bad anxiety problem about sexuality and possibly other things and you need to get into therapy about it right away if you're not already there. You also say you have these forms of OCD, but don't say if you were diagnosed by a professional or are self-diagnosing. Whichever, you need professional help, and if it's not controllable in therapy, it might mean medication until you get stabilized.