And An Hour laster as i got done i slowly started to feel better, i know I'm Still on the brink and i want to go see someone but its nice to have a moment of clarity. least i know i will be able to get a hold on this. or i hope
Man I wish they could do something about these spammers. Oh well. This is just my opinion, but what I think happens with some people is that they are prone to developing an anxiety disorder and recreational drugs that alter reality bring it out. It also seems to be something that happens to folks as they get older. I grew up in the Sixties and Seventies, when pretty much everyone started doing drugs, but by the time we all reached our late twenties/early thirties everyone had cut down to almost nothing or stopped altogether. Maybe adulthood in a society as materialistic as ours just stresses people out too much, I don't know. I'm not sure it's the drugs themselves, but what's inside us that being stoned brings out of us that might never have come out if we hadn't used drugs or that might have come out no matter what. Maybe it takes a mild episodic problem and turns it into a chronic one. Whatever the reason you just can't do drugs anymore. Once that demon anxiety sets in and we know what it feels like, it's really easy for it to take hold of us and last beyond the time we're stoned. We all know people who got paranoid while stoned on something who just didn't do it anymore and never had a problem, which is why I think you probably had some part of you that was prone to this. Doesn't really matter, now that it's here, and keeps being triggered by the same behavior, you seem to in time get over it as long as you don't do the drugs. One thing, you mention withdrawal -- were you referring to having recently stopped taking those meds you mentioned? You don't get withdrawal from one night of taking drugs. You get a hangover or you plug into feelings stirred up. The thing is, once you're scared of using drugs, it's much more likely when you do use them the fear will intensify. It's what you expect to happen and so it happens. I'd think at this point of getting into therapy with a therapist who specializes in anxiety treatment -- most don't -- learn some relaxation techniques and about how we who have anxiety think and how to change it, and wait it out as it appears for you it does go away every time this happens. Hopefully this will happen again. But having happened this many times, therapy might be a way to change up the part of you that is prone to this happening. And for you, drugs that stimulate you too much just aren't working out. If they're not fun, why do them? Peace.
In all sincerity, if doing drugs triggers anxiety, why do it? And friends who do coke, get high, etc. . . . at 23 you could be much more productive. We all like to kick back and have fun, relax, etc. but drug users often aren't the people moving forward in life. Think career, setting yourself up financially, finding meaning and fulfillment. This could be an epiphany that you are meant for better things. I say that in all seriousness.
If you have anxiety, it's treatable. First step is telling your doctor. No, you don't have to say everything you say here as to triggers if that makes you uncomfortable but you can tell them that you have symptoms of anxiety if they persist even after you hopefully give up the partying life.
I have a really good friend who used to love a nice glass of wine. Just one . . . but she really enjoyed it. She developed alcohol intolerance where she'd flush and be uncomfortable after one sip. It is sort of like an allergy. She no longer enjoys her one glass of wine or ANY alcohol. It just doesn't agree with her. This is similar in my opinion. good luck
I relate to your situation all too well. My first panic attack was during a time I took ecstasy, and after that my life completely changed. I spent 6 months being terrified of everything, thinking I was dying, unable to sleep or eat or function. I couldn't see straight and felt like I was in a dream all the time. It was terrifying and I thought I had ruined my life forever; I couldn't imagine living that way for the rest of my life. I had so much regret and I wouldn't wish those feelings on anyone. I was 25 at the time, I'm 34 now.
It gets better, I promise. It's scary and difficult and I know it feels hopeless right now, but it's not. I've had to modify my life; no drugs, very little alcohol, I'm on medication, go to therapy, do yoga, and I have learned my triggers. Sometimes it's frustrating to not be able to do all the things I want, but I don't even want to take the chance of going through what I went through again. I very rarely have panic attacks now, but I do have to be conscious of my sleep, stress, etc.
During those 6 months I got to feeling better, and then backslid a bit. That was frustrating, but it's normal. There is no magic cure, but there are so many things you can try to get better. Take care of you, do the work, and hang in there.