Greetings.
This forum is about STIs, while your questions are about worrying and emotions.
Is there any way to have multiple sex partners and not worry about it? Definitely. Most people who are in open relationships or have busy sex lives with lots of partners are never concerned, since they believe they do nothing wrong.
Most people who come here worried and anxious about STIs are guilt-ridden because they believe what they did (cheated, had one-night stand, visit a massage salon) was very wrong.
So, if you don't think "sleeping around" (quoting you) is wrong, no reason, no moral grounds to worry. But you seem to do. Otherwise you wouldn't come here for support.
I personally cannot guarantee you will not worry even if you have protected and risk-free sex with a CSW. I am afraid you most probably will worry.
You asked about risks of having sex with commercial sex workers. Their occupation has little to do with risk; in developed countries where CSWs have access to modern medical service they are about at the same risk for STIs as general population.
What makes it risky is the type of sexual contact. Protected sex carries no risks while unprotected sex carries higher risks. Unprotected oral sex carries lower risks than unprotected anal.
It is hard to assess risks for the encounters you never had and only intend to have.
Thanks, guys.
1. What is really is that my wife loves me so much. I know, us men would never agree to an open relationship because we would not want our woman sleeping around with other men.
My wife has always been committed to me. She just wants me to stick with her and future children, so allows me to have women if I want sex with someone else, but don't leave my wife.
In truth, I work so much, etc. that it is more a mental fantasy than a reality. I think she just wants me to be happy.
2. Of all my relationships, it seems the least based on physical attractiveness and the sort of "lust" or "sexual desire" many people think is very important. I am definitely not sexy, etc. She is about average. We only have been in the bedroom several times in our relationship.
I have had very passionate relationships where sex is not a few times a year, it is 5-10 times a night. But, when both partners based a deep relationship, and even marriage on that, it never is a good idea.
3. I guess I just want the option to enjoy sex with someone other than a mistress.
With a mistress, if she ever got me sick, I know where she lives and works, could tell her, and could work it out.
With a prostitute or woman I meet at a bar, it worries me both physically and emotionally.
If I catch HPV, and up to 1/3 of workers at one time have it, and I can still get it with a condom, then I don't want my wife to suffer from my carelessness.
Emotionally, I can befriend a prostitute (and have been nice to many, because many of them are just single mommies with no other real income source). But, an hour of sex then never seeing again is not my thing.
4. Thanks for the input. It helps me think critically about this.
As Pax said, we can't address the relationship issues here, but to clarify some things -
Even using a condom, you can still get herpes, HPV and syphilis. Your chances are reduced significantly, but the chances remain.
There is a vaccine for HPV that protects you against the most common strains, but not against all of them. It definitely helps, though.
There is no vaccine for herpes or syphilis.
On another note, please don't call women "sluts". Women who enjoy their sexuality aren't "sluts", and it's always a derogatory term.
There are no guarantees ever with sex or relationships. Even testing for STDs isn't perfect. Proceed with caution, whatever you decide to do. :)
@Auntijessi Thanks. I apologize for using that word. I should have used quotes.
I am just saying I want to enjoy other women, but I don't want to get sick or give it to other people.
I do like my marriage so far. Many people (esp. men) care way too much about a good looking and attractive partner, and not enough about the personal qualities within.
Since there is a risk for HSV1, HSV2, HPV, Syphilis and even Pubic Lice, you would be putting your wife at risk also, so my question is would it be fair to her. Also if you dont use condoms there is a risk for all std,s including HIV and also be aware that condoms break. Just my 2 cents.