Aa
"Am I the star beneath the stairs? ...Am I your anything?" I need help, numerous things and numerous reasons.. anybody up for a challenge?
Alright, first up. I'm depressed. Quite often, I even think of suicide. I refuse to go to a shrink, therapist, whatever you call them, for the last experience I had was NOT one I would want to chance happening again. Mabye I'm being selfish, and I know I need help, but I just can't bring myself to go to one. It makes me feel like I'm some sort of lab rat. Either way, they don't help anyway.
I used to self-harm, thats right, cutting. When the family found out, they did nothing but yell at me. My sister shoved that damn book of hers in my face and wanted me to read it. (this book held all of her depression inside it in the form of poetry) I love poetry, and I love reading it written on things like paranoia, manic-depression, suicide, and all of that.. but the idea of it being written by my sister was just too much to handle. I miss cutting, it was my form of therapy, and to be honest, I really didn't do it that deep at all. It was my form of venting, and of course since then I've been a *****. I seemed to have gotten better for a while, but now everyones getting close to me. Now, I'm scared; and now, I become the big bad wolf again.
I have major trust issues. I have a boyfriend and I'm currently in the process of trying to end a relationship that he is desperately trying to save. There isn't much wrong, but whenever he says he loves me, it scares me. And when I say it back, it scares me more.. so now I don't say it anymore. He says I'm not being myself, when really, I'm just showing that much more of me to him. He won't accept me for who I truly am, and I know this. It kills me, and I can't tell him, for he will tell my family, and I can't let that happen.
So really, all I have to rely on, is anyone who is willing to help over the net. Its the only way I am willing to get help. It sets up that wall so I don't have to see you, or your reaction; yet your words are sent to me, hopefully comforting.
I used to self-harm, thats right, cutting. When the family found out, they did nothing but yell at me. My sister shoved that damn book of hers in my face and wanted me to read it. (this book held all of her depression inside it in the form of poetry) I love poetry, and I love reading it written on things like paranoia, manic-depression, suicide, and all of that.. but the idea of it being written by my sister was just too much to handle. I miss cutting, it was my form of therapy, and to be honest, I really didn't do it that deep at all. It was my form of venting, and of course since then I've been a *****. I seemed to have gotten better for a while, but now everyones getting close to me. Now, I'm scared; and now, I become the big bad wolf again.
I have major trust issues. I have a boyfriend and I'm currently in the process of trying to end a relationship that he is desperately trying to save. There isn't much wrong, but whenever he says he loves me, it scares me. And when I say it back, it scares me more.. so now I don't say it anymore. He says I'm not being myself, when really, I'm just showing that much more of me to him. He won't accept me for who I truly am, and I know this. It kills me, and I can't tell him, for he will tell my family, and I can't let that happen.
So really, all I have to rely on, is anyone who is willing to help over the net. Its the only way I am willing to get help. It sets up that wall so I don't have to see you, or your reaction; yet your words are sent to me, hopefully comforting.
Hello,
I have a friend who refuses to get help, its not the fact that he doesn't trust the counsillor or therapist, it's that he hates talking about his personal problems.
Now I think you and your boyfriend should part, as if this is concerning you, at the moment it's best that things aren't concerning you - I hate having to say that.
Now how therapy is, you tell them what's bothering you and they help you deal with it
with giving you some confidence etc. So if you don't mind me asking, what is it that gave you depression in the first place?
what do you mean by this:
"for the last experience I had was NOT one I would want to chance happening again"
What happend? Why was this a bad experience?
Sorry about all the questions, it's all part of the experience.
Since you no-longer cutt your self, what do you do when you're really down? Do you drink, smoke, take drugs etc etc.
Thanks
-John-
I have a friend who refuses to get help, its not the fact that he doesn't trust the counsillor or therapist, it's that he hates talking about his personal problems.
Now I think you and your boyfriend should part, as if this is concerning you, at the moment it's best that things aren't concerning you - I hate having to say that.
Now how therapy is, you tell them what's bothering you and they help you deal with it
with giving you some confidence etc. So if you don't mind me asking, what is it that gave you depression in the first place?
what do you mean by this:
"for the last experience I had was NOT one I would want to chance happening again"
What happend? Why was this a bad experience?
Sorry about all the questions, it's all part of the experience.
Since you no-longer cutt your self, what do you do when you're really down? Do you drink, smoke, take drugs etc etc.
Thanks
-John-
I really don't know what gave me this depression, it could be numerous things. It could be back when my brother moved out first chance he could. I was really close to him, even though he had major anger issues and would attack us. I missed him, and not knowing where he was upset me. Of course, back then, I wasn't really old enough to know exactly what depression was; I had a vauge understanding of it because my sister and mother had currently been going to counseling. My grandmother passed away around 6 years ago. I was really close to her too. My parents never really got along, and frequently I've thought it would just be easier for them to get a divorce. They seem to get along better now, just around the same time I started throwing on a fake smile and doing rash things (i.e. running away, cutting, etc.) But now I am only suspecting how long it will last before they start fighting again. All through school I've been torchered, as my mind has always worked in a bit of a different way from everyone else. It started in 4th grade and followed me all the way up until 9th, progressively growing worse. It seems to have stopped, but who knows how long thats going to go on for. I only know one side of my family, the other side is completely broken.. and the only aunt and uncle I know have two kids; they are in the process of divorce. I'm sure theres more, but thats a general idea of my childhood.
As for what happened with my previous counselor.. well that was an interesting story. I was willing to go, until I actually got there. So, me being all "Pfft. Screw you"-looking (or so the counselor decribed me) I really didn't like being there. I didn't trust her to actually help me. Plus the fact that my mother felt the need to bring not only herself in, but my dad, and my sister too. So, in my eyes, I was locked in a room with four enemies probing me for information and everything about me. Almost like I was some sort of experiment, and they were trying to evaluate their results. So anyway, when I was JUST starting to trust the lady, she started yelling at me that I needed to be happier. I'm VERY reliant on trust and that did it for me. I walked out and declared that I'd never go to another therapist again. She had made me burst out crying, something I hadn't done in years, and made me feel worse than dirt.
As for what I do when I'm really down.. well I vary. I try to write, or draw, but the main thing is listen to music, or try to spend all my energy covering it up. I only stopped cutting because I was forced to. In fact, I have claimed the X (straight edge: no drinking, drugs, or smoking for life) for half the reason that I was afraid that if I didn't, I would in fact rely on it. Especailly because my family has a huge drinking problem on both sides.
No problem with the questions. As I've said before, I can say stuff on the keyboard that I would never say in person.. thats why I came here.
As for what happened with my previous counselor.. well that was an interesting story. I was willing to go, until I actually got there. So, me being all "Pfft. Screw you"-looking (or so the counselor decribed me) I really didn't like being there. I didn't trust her to actually help me. Plus the fact that my mother felt the need to bring not only herself in, but my dad, and my sister too. So, in my eyes, I was locked in a room with four enemies probing me for information and everything about me. Almost like I was some sort of experiment, and they were trying to evaluate their results. So anyway, when I was JUST starting to trust the lady, she started yelling at me that I needed to be happier. I'm VERY reliant on trust and that did it for me. I walked out and declared that I'd never go to another therapist again. She had made me burst out crying, something I hadn't done in years, and made me feel worse than dirt.
As for what I do when I'm really down.. well I vary. I try to write, or draw, but the main thing is listen to music, or try to spend all my energy covering it up. I only stopped cutting because I was forced to. In fact, I have claimed the X (straight edge: no drinking, drugs, or smoking for life) for half the reason that I was afraid that if I didn't, I would in fact rely on it. Especailly because my family has a huge drinking problem on both sides.
No problem with the questions. As I've said before, I can say stuff on the keyboard that I would never say in person.. thats why I came here.
plz dont think of suicide your the only one who really connected with me you help me a lot plz dont just plz i'd cry
Hello,
Now I can relate to you in some ways, I think I could also help you a little bit, so much that you can make the change yourself.
A very common thing to do when someone dies (your grandma) or someone moves out (your brother) would be to do something that takes your mind off it.
You say you write, draw and listen to music. When you start to get a little emotional over these things, run to your room, turn on a "bright/happy" tune and draw at the same time. If this still doesn't work, you could write it down how you're feeling and whats bothering you, another part of therapy is expressing your feelings, this helps your emotions calm down. Weather it be in a poem or just notes.
When you've wrote them down, a good psycological task to do, would be to burn the paper you've wrote the poem/notes on, this aparently helps releive your conscience by making you feel you've less to worry about.
I have not tried this, but I've got many friends who have, and they say "it's an interesting and releiving task"
Now as "NoHopeOrLove" has just said "Please don't think of suicide" etc... When people say things like that to you, does it make you feel like they're putting pressure on you? Do you take it into account? Or do you just think "They have no idea what it's like"?
As you mentioned abouve, all your family are poking at you to get information out of you, the truth is, if you don't feel like telling them, you shouldn't have to. A way to get around that is to be very passive of these questions. E.g. they say "what's wrong" you say "nothing" or "I dont want to talk about it" just a simple quick answers. It's obvious that there's something wrong, saying things like that will make you appear is if you just don't want to talk about it to them. If they continue to ask, just say right up "I don't want to tell you"
As you said with your no drinking or any kind of drug taking in your life, I think that is a very wise decision. In times like this, alcohol especially is a very tempting thought. So I think it's best that you do keep that up.
You said "Especailly because my family has a huge drinking problem on both sides"
How do you mean by that? Do you mean your parents are alcoholics? Or once were?
Tell me, when you are depressed, what are you thinking? Are you thinking "my life is ruined" or are you thinking of things that are effecting you?
What do you do socially? Do you play out with friends after school, or is the only time you see your friends is at school? And when you're around them are you happy or sad?
Thanks and good luck
- John -
Now I can relate to you in some ways, I think I could also help you a little bit, so much that you can make the change yourself.
A very common thing to do when someone dies (your grandma) or someone moves out (your brother) would be to do something that takes your mind off it.
You say you write, draw and listen to music. When you start to get a little emotional over these things, run to your room, turn on a "bright/happy" tune and draw at the same time. If this still doesn't work, you could write it down how you're feeling and whats bothering you, another part of therapy is expressing your feelings, this helps your emotions calm down. Weather it be in a poem or just notes.
When you've wrote them down, a good psycological task to do, would be to burn the paper you've wrote the poem/notes on, this aparently helps releive your conscience by making you feel you've less to worry about.
I have not tried this, but I've got many friends who have, and they say "it's an interesting and releiving task"
Now as "NoHopeOrLove" has just said "Please don't think of suicide" etc... When people say things like that to you, does it make you feel like they're putting pressure on you? Do you take it into account? Or do you just think "They have no idea what it's like"?
As you mentioned abouve, all your family are poking at you to get information out of you, the truth is, if you don't feel like telling them, you shouldn't have to. A way to get around that is to be very passive of these questions. E.g. they say "what's wrong" you say "nothing" or "I dont want to talk about it" just a simple quick answers. It's obvious that there's something wrong, saying things like that will make you appear is if you just don't want to talk about it to them. If they continue to ask, just say right up "I don't want to tell you"
As you said with your no drinking or any kind of drug taking in your life, I think that is a very wise decision. In times like this, alcohol especially is a very tempting thought. So I think it's best that you do keep that up.
You said "Especailly because my family has a huge drinking problem on both sides"
How do you mean by that? Do you mean your parents are alcoholics? Or once were?
Tell me, when you are depressed, what are you thinking? Are you thinking "my life is ruined" or are you thinking of things that are effecting you?
What do you do socially? Do you play out with friends after school, or is the only time you see your friends is at school? And when you're around them are you happy or sad?
Thanks and good luck
- John -
Usually, when someone tells me what, or what not to think about, it really pisses me off; theres nothing I want more than to be able to switch off and on my sadness. Though, we all know that that is impossible. no one can do that. That kid though, it didn't bother me.. I've talked to him and I know he can relate. It kind of made me sad to think he's so worried of me.. but hey, what can I do? I think in the end, depending on who it is.. is if I wonder if they even have a clue of ho ridiculous the request is, or if I just get pissed for them acting like I could just stop.
I do, I write a lot, and I listen to music, but usually, I write in my head. I actually listen to quite sad music, because if I listened to happy music, it really would just make me feel worse. Generally, I try to stay away from the suicidal stuff. My favorites are AFI, Anti-Flag, and Blue October. That way I can relate, but it isn't telling me to kill myself. It makes me actually feel better, even if people can't understand that themselves.
And as much as I love to say "I don't wanna talk about it." or "Nothing.", it never works. They either probe me further, or say "fine." and then they watch my every move like I had a gun to my head; ready to shoot off any second. I hate it. I've found its easier on them if I just put on a mask and a fake-smile and go throughout the day as if theres nothing wrong. I don't want to worry them.
My parents aren't alchoholics. But most of my outside family is. My mother never drinks, it scares her because there is such a high rate of alchoholism. My dad drinks a lot, more when we are away from the house. He drinks and drives too.. and I hate it. *Even if its one or two drinks, I still don't like it* So he gets buzzed and stuff.. but they don't drink. All the aunts and uncles I have do though. I think that may be why I'm not supposed to talk to them. In all honesty, I know nothing about them, they haven't contacted our family in years. Once my gram died, no one talked to eachother.
When I am deppressed, I generally think the most about masking it all. Though when I think to myself, its generally about if I should kill myself, if anyone would miss me.. if I had run away and hadn't gotten caught, where I would be.. what my life will be like in the future.. and how I can please everyone and make their lives easy. Things like that.
I have lots of 'friends' I guess. I really only hang out with a few after school occasionally. Generally, I try to not really go out. In fact, I don't go out unless somebody drags me out. Sometimes they make me come out, and I hate it. Especailly because they aren't doing it because they care; they're doing it because they want to go outside, and don't understand why or how I can stay inside for so long. I only trust one though. She can relate to everything, and we've known eachother for so long. I wish she would leave though, I cause her to much trouble. When I'm around them, I act happy, and they will make me laugh, but my smile fades much faster than it should. I still think about everything, and wish everything was genuine like everyone else.
I've gotten better at masking it though. =] Thats pretty much the only thing I'm proud of myself for. I can wish that I have something, or motivation, or some one. But I wasn't meant to have all that. I wasn't meant to be happy. I was meant to make others happy. I've accepted that now. Thanks so much for caring though, you really are different from other people.
I do, I write a lot, and I listen to music, but usually, I write in my head. I actually listen to quite sad music, because if I listened to happy music, it really would just make me feel worse. Generally, I try to stay away from the suicidal stuff. My favorites are AFI, Anti-Flag, and Blue October. That way I can relate, but it isn't telling me to kill myself. It makes me actually feel better, even if people can't understand that themselves.
And as much as I love to say "I don't wanna talk about it." or "Nothing.", it never works. They either probe me further, or say "fine." and then they watch my every move like I had a gun to my head; ready to shoot off any second. I hate it. I've found its easier on them if I just put on a mask and a fake-smile and go throughout the day as if theres nothing wrong. I don't want to worry them.
My parents aren't alchoholics. But most of my outside family is. My mother never drinks, it scares her because there is such a high rate of alchoholism. My dad drinks a lot, more when we are away from the house. He drinks and drives too.. and I hate it. *Even if its one or two drinks, I still don't like it* So he gets buzzed and stuff.. but they don't drink. All the aunts and uncles I have do though. I think that may be why I'm not supposed to talk to them. In all honesty, I know nothing about them, they haven't contacted our family in years. Once my gram died, no one talked to eachother.
When I am deppressed, I generally think the most about masking it all. Though when I think to myself, its generally about if I should kill myself, if anyone would miss me.. if I had run away and hadn't gotten caught, where I would be.. what my life will be like in the future.. and how I can please everyone and make their lives easy. Things like that.
I have lots of 'friends' I guess. I really only hang out with a few after school occasionally. Generally, I try to not really go out. In fact, I don't go out unless somebody drags me out. Sometimes they make me come out, and I hate it. Especailly because they aren't doing it because they care; they're doing it because they want to go outside, and don't understand why or how I can stay inside for so long. I only trust one though. She can relate to everything, and we've known eachother for so long. I wish she would leave though, I cause her to much trouble. When I'm around them, I act happy, and they will make me laugh, but my smile fades much faster than it should. I still think about everything, and wish everything was genuine like everyone else.
I've gotten better at masking it though. =] Thats pretty much the only thing I'm proud of myself for. I can wish that I have something, or motivation, or some one. But I wasn't meant to have all that. I wasn't meant to be happy. I was meant to make others happy. I've accepted that now. Thanks so much for caring though, you really are different from other people.
Hey,
Now when you are depressed you say you "think the most about masking it all" Perhaps you shouldn't do that, I think you should literally force your self out side and have a run/jog/walk as excersize releases a hormone that can cheer you up and make your mind clearer. I know it's a hard thing to ask, when I was so low I just couldn't do it, I just sat and drank, so eventually my dad forced me out, he made me take the dogs for a walk across a 15 acour feild. Beleive it or not, it helped, it made my mind clearer and I could think things through easier.
The thoughts of "if i should kill my self, if anyone would miss me" them thoughts tell me that you're not happy with your social/family life. Same with the "if i had run away and hadn't got caught, where would i be"
That tells me that it's not the things that's happend to you, but the people around you. My guess would be that you once had a little anxiety disorder, or depression, (probably caused by your gran or something simular) then the people around you didn't understand or you just didn't get on with them, and you became worse.
Is that idea right? Or am I wrong? It can be tricky finding these things out.
With your social life, if you do feel lonely, maybe you could go on a forum? Or a chat site (obviously be careful of the older men), but talking to people and then finding some that are simular to you, can really brighten you up.
You said "as much as I love to say 'I don't wanna talk about it' or 'Nothing', it never works" I do get the impression that they think they can help but they can't. My mum used to do that, she'd say "ffs, you have to meet us half way!" and shout at me, which really really brang me down. My way out of that was to talk to her, we had a very emotional conversation, which started off by me snapping and having a massive rawr, then it ending with crying etc - was weird.
So I don't know how you're gonna get around that, you could perhaps try taking your mum into a seperate room and try talking to her, it's best to do it one-by-one then the other can't comfirm as suspision that could be wrong. E.g say one says "shall we tell him that?" the other could say yes or no.
Here's a question, how is your self esteem? How do you think about the way you look? And what do you do about it.
Thanks
- John -
Now when you are depressed you say you "think the most about masking it all" Perhaps you shouldn't do that, I think you should literally force your self out side and have a run/jog/walk as excersize releases a hormone that can cheer you up and make your mind clearer. I know it's a hard thing to ask, when I was so low I just couldn't do it, I just sat and drank, so eventually my dad forced me out, he made me take the dogs for a walk across a 15 acour feild. Beleive it or not, it helped, it made my mind clearer and I could think things through easier.
The thoughts of "if i should kill my self, if anyone would miss me" them thoughts tell me that you're not happy with your social/family life. Same with the "if i had run away and hadn't got caught, where would i be"
That tells me that it's not the things that's happend to you, but the people around you. My guess would be that you once had a little anxiety disorder, or depression, (probably caused by your gran or something simular) then the people around you didn't understand or you just didn't get on with them, and you became worse.
Is that idea right? Or am I wrong? It can be tricky finding these things out.
With your social life, if you do feel lonely, maybe you could go on a forum? Or a chat site (obviously be careful of the older men), but talking to people and then finding some that are simular to you, can really brighten you up.
You said "as much as I love to say 'I don't wanna talk about it' or 'Nothing', it never works" I do get the impression that they think they can help but they can't. My mum used to do that, she'd say "ffs, you have to meet us half way!" and shout at me, which really really brang me down. My way out of that was to talk to her, we had a very emotional conversation, which started off by me snapping and having a massive rawr, then it ending with crying etc - was weird.
So I don't know how you're gonna get around that, you could perhaps try taking your mum into a seperate room and try talking to her, it's best to do it one-by-one then the other can't comfirm as suspision that could be wrong. E.g say one says "shall we tell him that?" the other could say yes or no.
Here's a question, how is your self esteem? How do you think about the way you look? And what do you do about it.
Thanks
- John -
Actually, I am forced to go outside. I hate it. My mom makes me play a sport every year, regardless of the fact that I hate it, and I play softball. She knows I hate it, I tell her every game or practice, but she won't let me quit. I used to take my walks (I would be gone for hours at a time) and I really wouldn't go anywhere. But once it gets hot, I can't walk as long. And because I am forced to go out for softball, I won't go out at all. Besides the fact that I was always questioned where I was going, if I was meeting anyone, and why I only went out on twilight. (I'm not supposed to be out when its dark, so when it was normal weather, the weather where everyone is around, I would go out at twilight--when no one was around) So I wouldn't be yelled at for it being dark; That would limit me from being out very long. So in the end, I really don't go out, and forcing me out makes me want to stay in even more because I WILL go out on my own, little by little, but not if anyone tries to force me will I do again for a long time.
I've never actually been to a therapist that has known me enough to be able to diagnose anything. I wouldn't tell the last one anything about my feelings because my family was always there. So, I don't really know whats wrong with me. I know I get myself down. I think thats the main reason. I mean, being happy scares me--other people will get me depressed or hurt me, so its better to just stay away altogether.
And talking to my mother, or any of my family, well, I hate it. It worries them and I hate doing that. So, I think I'll rely on my book to vent to.
My self esteem? I guess its low. ..I think I'm well, not exactly fat, because I know for a fact I'm not.. but I always wanna make one more part a little bit thinner.. and when I achieve that its another thing. Plus, I just don't like the way I look.. I mean.. well thats a whole other story that I really don't want to tell..
-Thanks for all the help you've given me so far by the way-Avianna
I've never actually been to a therapist that has known me enough to be able to diagnose anything. I wouldn't tell the last one anything about my feelings because my family was always there. So, I don't really know whats wrong with me. I know I get myself down. I think thats the main reason. I mean, being happy scares me--other people will get me depressed or hurt me, so its better to just stay away altogether.
And talking to my mother, or any of my family, well, I hate it. It worries them and I hate doing that. So, I think I'll rely on my book to vent to.
My self esteem? I guess its low. ..I think I'm well, not exactly fat, because I know for a fact I'm not.. but I always wanna make one more part a little bit thinner.. and when I achieve that its another thing. Plus, I just don't like the way I look.. I mean.. well thats a whole other story that I really don't want to tell..
-Thanks for all the help you've given me so far by the way-Avianna
Hello,
With the therapist, I think it was someone who thought they were good and could do such a job with little training. Every therapist session (other then family ones etc) should be confidential and you should be going alone. Your family being there when you were having a session should never of happened, it was entirely unprofessional.
It really does sound like you're watched every second, also your house does sound like it has pretty strict rules, e.g not allowed out after dark. I was aloud out after dark since i was 8.
An idea for them to let you out would be to say "the counselor at school said I need to go out more often" that used to work for me if it was really late. Even if at that time I didn't even know we had a school counselor I'd still say the same thing.
And I know you hate talking to your parents, I still do, which is a shame because we used to be best friends like the "perfect family" but then I got depressed and everything fell apart. So I think you should really force your self into talking to your parents. I mean you for yourself not anyone else for you into it. Just take your mum and talk to her in private, then your dad, but to be honest I never did talk to my dad, I talked to my mum and she told my dad, so you could do that I guess.
But I think you really do need to talk to them, even if you hate it, I hated it, but I never regretted it.
Another thing you could do to talk to some people more is ring a child help line, sounds weird I know, but I once had a 2 hour conversation with someone on there, i still remember her name it was Kerry. It did help, I was nervous and had no idea why i was ringing them, when I was listening to the ringing tone.
I know these ideas aren't very good, and sound something like an adult would tell you to do who has no idea what it's like, but I dared my self to try, and it was more good then bad.
So basically I think you should talk to your parents about the softball and letting you out more. Also mention that you don't want them probing you for information.
If you do, do it, tell me how it went and what changes they've decided to make.
With your self esteem, it's ok if you don't want to tell me, it's your own decision.
A good thing to try is to go to a chemist, and buy some vitamin B tablets, as these are also used as anti-depressants, you could also take some cod liver oil. Sounds silly but it has been proven to help people with your case.
Here's a hypnotherapy idea for when you do feel really depressed. Say you're lying in bed trying to sleep and you feel depressed, think of a really happy time that you really enjoyed, we've all had one. Once you've got this idea, re-live it (in your head obviously). Think what you thought, see what you saw, hear what you heard an feel what you felt. It helped me from time to time, but sometimes I'd just sink too far down for that to pull me up, so it's best to use that technique when you're starting to feel depressed.
Thanks
- John -
p/s.
You don't need to thank me for helping you, it's what I'm doing on this forum, trying to help people get through things with my own experiences.
With the therapist, I think it was someone who thought they were good and could do such a job with little training. Every therapist session (other then family ones etc) should be confidential and you should be going alone. Your family being there when you were having a session should never of happened, it was entirely unprofessional.
It really does sound like you're watched every second, also your house does sound like it has pretty strict rules, e.g not allowed out after dark. I was aloud out after dark since i was 8.
An idea for them to let you out would be to say "the counselor at school said I need to go out more often" that used to work for me if it was really late. Even if at that time I didn't even know we had a school counselor I'd still say the same thing.
And I know you hate talking to your parents, I still do, which is a shame because we used to be best friends like the "perfect family" but then I got depressed and everything fell apart. So I think you should really force your self into talking to your parents. I mean you for yourself not anyone else for you into it. Just take your mum and talk to her in private, then your dad, but to be honest I never did talk to my dad, I talked to my mum and she told my dad, so you could do that I guess.
But I think you really do need to talk to them, even if you hate it, I hated it, but I never regretted it.
Another thing you could do to talk to some people more is ring a child help line, sounds weird I know, but I once had a 2 hour conversation with someone on there, i still remember her name it was Kerry. It did help, I was nervous and had no idea why i was ringing them, when I was listening to the ringing tone.
I know these ideas aren't very good, and sound something like an adult would tell you to do who has no idea what it's like, but I dared my self to try, and it was more good then bad.
So basically I think you should talk to your parents about the softball and letting you out more. Also mention that you don't want them probing you for information.
If you do, do it, tell me how it went and what changes they've decided to make.
With your self esteem, it's ok if you don't want to tell me, it's your own decision.
A good thing to try is to go to a chemist, and buy some vitamin B tablets, as these are also used as anti-depressants, you could also take some cod liver oil. Sounds silly but it has been proven to help people with your case.
Here's a hypnotherapy idea for when you do feel really depressed. Say you're lying in bed trying to sleep and you feel depressed, think of a really happy time that you really enjoyed, we've all had one. Once you've got this idea, re-live it (in your head obviously). Think what you thought, see what you saw, hear what you heard an feel what you felt. It helped me from time to time, but sometimes I'd just sink too far down for that to pull me up, so it's best to use that technique when you're starting to feel depressed.
Thanks
- John -
p/s.
You don't need to thank me for helping you, it's what I'm doing on this forum, trying to help people get through things with my own experiences.
I'm not going to try to psychoanalyze the situation at this point you really don't need anyone pushing their beliefs and opinions off on you to harshly. I've cut myself a few times - in no way shape or form was it to get any sort of attention and you're right to me it was therapy too...to me, I felt there was nothing worse than the emotional mental pain, and I needed physical pain to prove to me that I can still feel something.
Does it mean its okay, its probably not, my family would get hurt too, which made me hurt worse to see them so sad. My problem is quite the opposite of yours. I'm overly attached to my boyfriend - to me he is my god. He often feels i'm too clingy. The past two weeks he's been so busy with finals and exams he hasn't slept in bed with me for two weeks. I feel scared to sleep alone, i have to close the closet door, i have to leave the bedroom door open, and i have to light a candle and i don't know why, i just feel scared and insecure to be alone.
I am going to go to a psychologist for therapy, being messed around with as a kid is enough to mess anyone up. I'm not saying you have too, but i hope you'll give it a try. You have built up emotions inside, inside you don't quite exactly know how to express them any way other than cutting, or writing about it. Maybe getting these emotions out by talking about them will help you to draw closer to your boyfriend and family without being scared. Maybe just mustering up the courage to pour out your emotions to your boyfriend will help you more than you know.
I told my boyfriend what happened to me, he despises my parents and doesn't want anything to do with them - are you afraid of this happening to you? Its hard, its scary, but in reality when we actually find the strength to stand up its liberating. I have many hopes, i have hopes that just maybe i'll get better one day. Hang in there you're young, you have such wonders to experience and such beautiful things to look forward too.
my heart goes out to you, hang in their i understand your pain.
Does it mean its okay, its probably not, my family would get hurt too, which made me hurt worse to see them so sad. My problem is quite the opposite of yours. I'm overly attached to my boyfriend - to me he is my god. He often feels i'm too clingy. The past two weeks he's been so busy with finals and exams he hasn't slept in bed with me for two weeks. I feel scared to sleep alone, i have to close the closet door, i have to leave the bedroom door open, and i have to light a candle and i don't know why, i just feel scared and insecure to be alone.
I am going to go to a psychologist for therapy, being messed around with as a kid is enough to mess anyone up. I'm not saying you have too, but i hope you'll give it a try. You have built up emotions inside, inside you don't quite exactly know how to express them any way other than cutting, or writing about it. Maybe getting these emotions out by talking about them will help you to draw closer to your boyfriend and family without being scared. Maybe just mustering up the courage to pour out your emotions to your boyfriend will help you more than you know.
I told my boyfriend what happened to me, he despises my parents and doesn't want anything to do with them - are you afraid of this happening to you? Its hard, its scary, but in reality when we actually find the strength to stand up its liberating. I have many hopes, i have hopes that just maybe i'll get better one day. Hang in there you're young, you have such wonders to experience and such beautiful things to look forward too.
my heart goes out to you, hang in their i understand your pain.
I think they had experience, but I still didn't like them. I had even said to my parents and to the therapist that I didn't want anyone else in there; that it was supposed to my sessions, not theirs. But of course they both ignored me.
Watched every second? Seems like it, thats for sure. In fact just last night.. my stupid boyfriend read ALL of these things.. and now hes spazzing out. I want him to leave.. and when I tried to break up with him, he just wouldn't listen. Everytime I say something he doesn't want to hear, he just claims its me being upset, and that I don't mean it. I wish he'd just leave on his own.. he doesn't deserve this ****. Plus, me being afraid of getting close to him doesn't really help anything out. So now I can't even be free in what I say.. I know he said he wouldn't read any more.. but when I had yelled at him to stop at first, he ignored me.. he knew it was hurting me.. but he didn't listen. So how am I supposed to know he won't do it again? He got mad because I told him that Avianna was one of my friends.. and he was reading the conversations so he realized that it was me.. he couldn't understand why I lied.. and he got mad. I hated lieing.. but now I'm so afraid he'll tell my parents and I'll be carted away to some hospital.
If I said the school counselor, I bet they'd call the school. That and they'd continue to drag me everywhere; and they would just tell me that "I can still go out; just not after dark." So I honestly think saying that would just backfire..
Don't those child helplines just trace your number and show up at your house? Its what happened to someone I know.. the second she mentioned suicidal thoughts.. they showed up with cops.
I have talked to my mother about letting me out of softball.. numerous times. I tried again today, but we ended fighting. Its an impossible battle, if my mother wants something, she gets it. I know she didn't have the choice or opportunity to play any sports when she was little.. but thats like me growing up, and NOT letting my kids to play a sport because I was forced to. I said that, and she told me she wasn't going to have this discussion. It really pissed me off, but I know I can't win.
Watched every second? Seems like it, thats for sure. In fact just last night.. my stupid boyfriend read ALL of these things.. and now hes spazzing out. I want him to leave.. and when I tried to break up with him, he just wouldn't listen. Everytime I say something he doesn't want to hear, he just claims its me being upset, and that I don't mean it. I wish he'd just leave on his own.. he doesn't deserve this ****. Plus, me being afraid of getting close to him doesn't really help anything out. So now I can't even be free in what I say.. I know he said he wouldn't read any more.. but when I had yelled at him to stop at first, he ignored me.. he knew it was hurting me.. but he didn't listen. So how am I supposed to know he won't do it again? He got mad because I told him that Avianna was one of my friends.. and he was reading the conversations so he realized that it was me.. he couldn't understand why I lied.. and he got mad. I hated lieing.. but now I'm so afraid he'll tell my parents and I'll be carted away to some hospital.
If I said the school counselor, I bet they'd call the school. That and they'd continue to drag me everywhere; and they would just tell me that "I can still go out; just not after dark." So I honestly think saying that would just backfire..
Don't those child helplines just trace your number and show up at your house? Its what happened to someone I know.. the second she mentioned suicidal thoughts.. they showed up with cops.
I have talked to my mother about letting me out of softball.. numerous times. I tried again today, but we ended fighting. Its an impossible battle, if my mother wants something, she gets it. I know she didn't have the choice or opportunity to play any sports when she was little.. but thats like me growing up, and NOT letting my kids to play a sport because I was forced to. I said that, and she told me she wasn't going to have this discussion. It really pissed me off, but I know I can't win.
Hello,
I hate to say this, but I'm affraid your family seems so tough that I can't really help you in that situation with your family. If my parents didn't let me out, I'd sneak out, if they forced me into something I'd run away, it really got them worried and their attension but I really didn't care back then, I'd just think "I've got nothing to loose..." when the idea of them grounding me or taking something away from me.
Something I'm not going to advise, but I thought I'd tell you how I got out of it.
But atleast you tried talking to them, that means that they're doing all the wrong stuff and not you, it's not your fault.
I live in England, and I know for a fact that the child help lines don't trace your calls in England, because I've done it myself. The only other thing I can think of, is joining some kind of chat room such as "Stickam.com" it's got every type of chat room in there. But I don't mean to be advertising it, I've only used it three or four times with my friends when we were insanely bored.
So I guess you could get some people to talk to off that, that way you wont feel so alone.
With the therapist, I really do think that she was atleast an idiot, them sessions were for you, and had nothing to do with your family.
With your boy friend, I think you need to talk to him in person or on the phone, as things said through your own mouth mean allot more. When he says "It's just because you're in a bad mood etc" Just say "No, honestly, I really do think it's best for us to seperate at the moment"
The most important thing to do is to be serious and not loose your temper.
When you think your going to be angry, a quick emotional trigger which I use very often, is to think of a straight forward word that is also serious. Such as "repress" you have to concentrate on the anger feeling and think in your head "repress...", don't think it too fast it has to be slow, then it's more meaningful. Just think of the word, nothing else, block everything that's going on around you.
You'll be suprised how well it works, I now use it when I'm trying hard not to laugh from someone who's being serious, but is making a total fool out of themselves at the same time (if you get me?).
Basically at the moment, talk to your boy friend and get that out of the way, that way there's less pressure. Also you might want to think about joining that chat room.
Good luck
- John -
I hate to say this, but I'm affraid your family seems so tough that I can't really help you in that situation with your family. If my parents didn't let me out, I'd sneak out, if they forced me into something I'd run away, it really got them worried and their attension but I really didn't care back then, I'd just think "I've got nothing to loose..." when the idea of them grounding me or taking something away from me.
Something I'm not going to advise, but I thought I'd tell you how I got out of it.
But atleast you tried talking to them, that means that they're doing all the wrong stuff and not you, it's not your fault.
I live in England, and I know for a fact that the child help lines don't trace your calls in England, because I've done it myself. The only other thing I can think of, is joining some kind of chat room such as "Stickam.com" it's got every type of chat room in there. But I don't mean to be advertising it, I've only used it three or four times with my friends when we were insanely bored.
So I guess you could get some people to talk to off that, that way you wont feel so alone.
With the therapist, I really do think that she was atleast an idiot, them sessions were for you, and had nothing to do with your family.
With your boy friend, I think you need to talk to him in person or on the phone, as things said through your own mouth mean allot more. When he says "It's just because you're in a bad mood etc" Just say "No, honestly, I really do think it's best for us to seperate at the moment"
The most important thing to do is to be serious and not loose your temper.
When you think your going to be angry, a quick emotional trigger which I use very often, is to think of a straight forward word that is also serious. Such as "repress" you have to concentrate on the anger feeling and think in your head "repress...", don't think it too fast it has to be slow, then it's more meaningful. Just think of the word, nothing else, block everything that's going on around you.
You'll be suprised how well it works, I now use it when I'm trying hard not to laugh from someone who's being serious, but is making a total fool out of themselves at the same time (if you get me?).
Basically at the moment, talk to your boy friend and get that out of the way, that way there's less pressure. Also you might want to think about joining that chat room.
Good luck
- John -
Yeah, my family is really tough to work with.. I think its because they don't want me to be like my brother, and growing up, I guess I'm acting like him. We have the same mood swings, very similar personalities, the same interest in stuff, and the same anger issues, although I'm more verbal than physical. They're constantly saying to people on how I am a mix of my sister and my brother.. which I hate, because am I not just myself? My mother gets really upset when I 'act like my brother' because she really doesn't want me to turn out like him.. but if they don't want me to end up like him.. I wonder, why is it that they don't listen to me when I say that I need something? I love them, and they're nice a lot of times, but sometimes they just frustrate me to no end.. but what I hate the most is when I get really mad, and she asks whats wrong with me, or why I my moods change like a switch.. I hate it, because I don't know..
I know what you mean when you had though "I've got nothing to lose." To be honest, I've run away too. I guess I can try the child help lines, I'll go off my cell phone.. I don't think they can trace that, can they? I guess I could try the chat rooms, but I'm very leary of strangers honestly.. they scare me.
I've tried everything with my boyfriend.. and everytime I say something, he gives me the saddest look I've ever seen.. so I just give in and take it. I figure that even if I'm not happy.. mabye I can at least make him happy.
I'll definetly try that repress trick, I need something to help, and it that works, it'll be great!
I think I might talk to my mom about the softball issue.. mabye I could find something else a little more tolerable. Tennis seems kind of cool..
I know what you mean when you had though "I've got nothing to lose." To be honest, I've run away too. I guess I can try the child help lines, I'll go off my cell phone.. I don't think they can trace that, can they? I guess I could try the chat rooms, but I'm very leary of strangers honestly.. they scare me.
I've tried everything with my boyfriend.. and everytime I say something, he gives me the saddest look I've ever seen.. so I just give in and take it. I figure that even if I'm not happy.. mabye I can at least make him happy.
I'll definetly try that repress trick, I need something to help, and it that works, it'll be great!
I think I might talk to my mom about the softball issue.. mabye I could find something else a little more tolerable. Tennis seems kind of cool..
Hello,
I suppose with your family the only thing you can really do is talk. You have to watch your body language and tone of voice when you're doing it. You need a serious look and you can't laugh, or start shouting. That means if they shout at you, and they started the arguement, you reply back in a serious but relaxed tone, you watch, it can confuse them if it's a massive change on what you'd normally do.
I understand by what they mean "I don't what you to turn out like your brother" My dad was hard on me because the family before ours that he left, the son was a drug dealer and is now facing 20 years of prison. So my dad was really hard when it came to drugs, he sometimes would watch/stalk me on nights when I was out with friends because he thought I was doing drugs... it was intense, but I managed to get around him by doing habbits like if he was to light a ciggarette I'd complain to a new level saying "put that out, it stinks like S$!T..." so he got comfortable with the idea that I hate drugs.
So I don't blame your family about that area, it's normal for them to be concerned. I think if you wanted them to think different, it'd be to do something like i did, which was act the total opposite. I know that's near impossible in your case though, so try a little change.
When you ran away, what did your parents do when you came back? It's just out of interest, I want to know how they react to situations like that.
I'm not sure if they can tract cell phones, so I guess I'll leave that risk to you, but I know Police can.
With the chat rooms, I completely agree that they're full of strangers, sometimes very sick and strange people, you just got to be careful. If you don't give out personal information, atleast that way they can only creep you out, nothing more. And yes, they scare me too, they scare all of us.
If your boyfriend is giving you a really sad look, why don't you try ringing him? But I suppose his tone can be off putting, but you have to be strong. Breaking up with people is always a hard experience. But a week or so after the break-up the releif will start to kick in, after the guilt.
The repress trick is pretty interesting, and very worth doing, when I found it out, I found it useful for acting situations. Such as acting happy in bad situations or as i said before acting serious around someone who's making a idiot out of them selves without knowing.
Also another idea, it's strange, but it does work. When you're feeling down, you can put a pen or pencil in your mouth, and put it at the back of your mouth so it kind of forces your lips back, and creates a smile kind of feel.
It's very strange, but it will confuse the mind and would think that you're supposed to be happy, so it releases a hormone that makes your mood generally improve.
This practise should be done in privacy obviously. (and forgive me if I do sound a little crazy with that idea, but try it once and see what you think)
Talking to your mom about the softball is a good idea I think. Because atleast you're trying to make a deal over the situation and you say you like Tennis, even better, then you'd enjoy the situation.
How is your general mood now? Do you think you're mood is going up or down? Is it the same?
I'm just curious.
Thanks
- John -
I suppose with your family the only thing you can really do is talk. You have to watch your body language and tone of voice when you're doing it. You need a serious look and you can't laugh, or start shouting. That means if they shout at you, and they started the arguement, you reply back in a serious but relaxed tone, you watch, it can confuse them if it's a massive change on what you'd normally do.
I understand by what they mean "I don't what you to turn out like your brother" My dad was hard on me because the family before ours that he left, the son was a drug dealer and is now facing 20 years of prison. So my dad was really hard when it came to drugs, he sometimes would watch/stalk me on nights when I was out with friends because he thought I was doing drugs... it was intense, but I managed to get around him by doing habbits like if he was to light a ciggarette I'd complain to a new level saying "put that out, it stinks like S$!T..." so he got comfortable with the idea that I hate drugs.
So I don't blame your family about that area, it's normal for them to be concerned. I think if you wanted them to think different, it'd be to do something like i did, which was act the total opposite. I know that's near impossible in your case though, so try a little change.
When you ran away, what did your parents do when you came back? It's just out of interest, I want to know how they react to situations like that.
I'm not sure if they can tract cell phones, so I guess I'll leave that risk to you, but I know Police can.
With the chat rooms, I completely agree that they're full of strangers, sometimes very sick and strange people, you just got to be careful. If you don't give out personal information, atleast that way they can only creep you out, nothing more. And yes, they scare me too, they scare all of us.
If your boyfriend is giving you a really sad look, why don't you try ringing him? But I suppose his tone can be off putting, but you have to be strong. Breaking up with people is always a hard experience. But a week or so after the break-up the releif will start to kick in, after the guilt.
The repress trick is pretty interesting, and very worth doing, when I found it out, I found it useful for acting situations. Such as acting happy in bad situations or as i said before acting serious around someone who's making a idiot out of them selves without knowing.
Also another idea, it's strange, but it does work. When you're feeling down, you can put a pen or pencil in your mouth, and put it at the back of your mouth so it kind of forces your lips back, and creates a smile kind of feel.
It's very strange, but it will confuse the mind and would think that you're supposed to be happy, so it releases a hormone that makes your mood generally improve.
This practise should be done in privacy obviously. (and forgive me if I do sound a little crazy with that idea, but try it once and see what you think)
Talking to your mom about the softball is a good idea I think. Because atleast you're trying to make a deal over the situation and you say you like Tennis, even better, then you'd enjoy the situation.
How is your general mood now? Do you think you're mood is going up or down? Is it the same?
I'm just curious.
Thanks
- John -
I can understand why they don't want me to turn out like my brother too, but I just wish they'd back off.
Well, when I walked out of the cop car (I really didn't have a choice when I came back, though I was questioning doing it on my own) my mom came and give me a huge hug, and wouldn't let go while she just cried for like.. ever. I wanted her to leave, and I wanted to push her off, but I didn't 'cause I knew it would just hurt her. The cops told me if I needed anything, they'd be there.. I didn't believe them.. I guess they were just trying to help, but I really didn't want it. Ma talked to me.. and talked and talked and talked.. so did my dad and my sister, though she seemed more mad than anything else. My mother and I agreed I'd go to a counselor, though I immediately regretted the idea when I got there, but she wouldn't let me leave. Although after the day she yelled I refused to go back, and said if they forced me I wouldn't talk, because they couldn't force me to talk.
Yeah, I told him it was over last night.. I was harsher than I meant to be, but he got me pissed off. (I tried the repress thing, but I also knew I needed to be pissed off to have it actually work; For him to listen to me, so I only half-tried to do it.) I feel really bad, but he got really sarcastic after we fought. He told me that I pick fights, and I was a hypocrite. I yelled at him and after we calmed down, he tried to save it.. but I just wouldn't let him.. because I knew it was going to be the same just like every other time.
I guess I could try the pencil trick? It does sound rather strange.. but hey, if it works..
We talked about tennis and she basically said the only way I was going to do it is if I joined a team.. one problem, teams is why I want to quit softball. Well, that and I just hate the game. I don't like working with people, I can if I have to, but I really try to avoid it.
My general mood? Well, I've had a wicked attitude according to my mother, and I've been kind of sad. Mabye thats because of the break-up and I feel bad.. 'cause I knew it was coming, and he's just so.. I don't know. I've found I have a hatred streak towards people that hurt me/scare me or my friends.. I've been happy around my friends, but I've also been scared that someones going to find out I'm here.. and they'll cart me off to some mental hospital or something.. so I guess I'd say that its a big mix of a lot of feelings.
Well, when I walked out of the cop car (I really didn't have a choice when I came back, though I was questioning doing it on my own) my mom came and give me a huge hug, and wouldn't let go while she just cried for like.. ever. I wanted her to leave, and I wanted to push her off, but I didn't 'cause I knew it would just hurt her. The cops told me if I needed anything, they'd be there.. I didn't believe them.. I guess they were just trying to help, but I really didn't want it. Ma talked to me.. and talked and talked and talked.. so did my dad and my sister, though she seemed more mad than anything else. My mother and I agreed I'd go to a counselor, though I immediately regretted the idea when I got there, but she wouldn't let me leave. Although after the day she yelled I refused to go back, and said if they forced me I wouldn't talk, because they couldn't force me to talk.
Yeah, I told him it was over last night.. I was harsher than I meant to be, but he got me pissed off. (I tried the repress thing, but I also knew I needed to be pissed off to have it actually work; For him to listen to me, so I only half-tried to do it.) I feel really bad, but he got really sarcastic after we fought. He told me that I pick fights, and I was a hypocrite. I yelled at him and after we calmed down, he tried to save it.. but I just wouldn't let him.. because I knew it was going to be the same just like every other time.
I guess I could try the pencil trick? It does sound rather strange.. but hey, if it works..
We talked about tennis and she basically said the only way I was going to do it is if I joined a team.. one problem, teams is why I want to quit softball. Well, that and I just hate the game. I don't like working with people, I can if I have to, but I really try to avoid it.
My general mood? Well, I've had a wicked attitude according to my mother, and I've been kind of sad. Mabye thats because of the break-up and I feel bad.. 'cause I knew it was coming, and he's just so.. I don't know. I've found I have a hatred streak towards people that hurt me/scare me or my friends.. I've been happy around my friends, but I've also been scared that someones going to find out I'm here.. and they'll cart me off to some mental hospital or something.. so I guess I'd say that its a big mix of a lot of feelings.
Hello,
Well if you're worried about them seeing you on here, and you still want to talk to someone, you can just PM me and we can continue our conversation after this post.
Now these feelings of anger you're having, such as when your mum hugged you after getting out of the police car. I'd say you should try to cover that up as much as you can with the "repress trick" and remember that takes allot of concentration and effort to block out everything around you for a couple of seconds whilst you do it.
But you really do need to sink into your own at the time to do that. If you're really mad you could just concentrate on your breathing and try to slow it down, if your breathing rate is slow, then you relax more.
With your boy friend, try to avoid thinking about it, of course don't completely ignor it, but try to avoid thinking about it so then you don't get too concerned about it, if you do get too concerned I think you two might end out going back out again, purely over guilt. Which is not what we want of course.
Just keep thinking, it's not your fault that you got mad at him, it's the depression that effects how well you contain your emotions, its not you whos being mad on purpous.
The pencil trick is interesting in how it works and is a strange way to get around your emotions, but you could give it a go, I didn't try it to get out my depression, but I once did it when I was up set, just to see if it worked, and it did make my thought slightly better.
I hate doing sports with teams as well, I'm always concerned that I'll just ruin our chance and everyone would get mad at me for it. That's why I tend not to do sports, but I also don't do it from once I got beat up and now I walk with a limp etc etc.
So the only thing you could do is just try reasoning with her, as I said I can't really help you with your family issues, which I wish I could because it obviously is effecting you.
So I can only tell you things that I did in simular situations.
I suppose you're still at an age where you can experiment with things, at that age I was seeing how they would react to things I did. E.g what would they do if I acted aggressively to them if they were being nice.
Because yes we can all think "ooh they'd just kill me..." but that's not what would really happen.
So you could try different responces to how they talk to you. Because I noticed this allot with my sister, she'd be asking for something and at that age she was full of hormones. So when she asked for something my mum replied in a slightly loud tone, and my sister would say "god you don't have to shout at me!" and then an arguement would brew up from there.
So watch what you say and how you say it.
A hatred streak over people that hurt or scare eith you or your friends, is totally normal, infact it can be good, it showes you care about your friends, and it tells me that you've not completely given up on your self if you're willing to fight for your self. And I also see how this can effect your family life, as I've said before, just watch you say and how you say them. Another good tip is to NEVER back chat, as this is sure to heat up the arguement.
Thanks
- John -
p/s remember what i said, if you don't want to talk in here, feel free to PM me.
Well if you're worried about them seeing you on here, and you still want to talk to someone, you can just PM me and we can continue our conversation after this post.
Now these feelings of anger you're having, such as when your mum hugged you after getting out of the police car. I'd say you should try to cover that up as much as you can with the "repress trick" and remember that takes allot of concentration and effort to block out everything around you for a couple of seconds whilst you do it.
But you really do need to sink into your own at the time to do that. If you're really mad you could just concentrate on your breathing and try to slow it down, if your breathing rate is slow, then you relax more.
With your boy friend, try to avoid thinking about it, of course don't completely ignor it, but try to avoid thinking about it so then you don't get too concerned about it, if you do get too concerned I think you two might end out going back out again, purely over guilt. Which is not what we want of course.
Just keep thinking, it's not your fault that you got mad at him, it's the depression that effects how well you contain your emotions, its not you whos being mad on purpous.
The pencil trick is interesting in how it works and is a strange way to get around your emotions, but you could give it a go, I didn't try it to get out my depression, but I once did it when I was up set, just to see if it worked, and it did make my thought slightly better.
I hate doing sports with teams as well, I'm always concerned that I'll just ruin our chance and everyone would get mad at me for it. That's why I tend not to do sports, but I also don't do it from once I got beat up and now I walk with a limp etc etc.
So the only thing you could do is just try reasoning with her, as I said I can't really help you with your family issues, which I wish I could because it obviously is effecting you.
So I can only tell you things that I did in simular situations.
I suppose you're still at an age where you can experiment with things, at that age I was seeing how they would react to things I did. E.g what would they do if I acted aggressively to them if they were being nice.
Because yes we can all think "ooh they'd just kill me..." but that's not what would really happen.
So you could try different responces to how they talk to you. Because I noticed this allot with my sister, she'd be asking for something and at that age she was full of hormones. So when she asked for something my mum replied in a slightly loud tone, and my sister would say "god you don't have to shout at me!" and then an arguement would brew up from there.
So watch what you say and how you say it.
A hatred streak over people that hurt or scare eith you or your friends, is totally normal, infact it can be good, it showes you care about your friends, and it tells me that you've not completely given up on your self if you're willing to fight for your self. And I also see how this can effect your family life, as I've said before, just watch you say and how you say them. Another good tip is to NEVER back chat, as this is sure to heat up the arguement.
Thanks
- John -
p/s remember what i said, if you don't want to talk in here, feel free to PM me.
I tried the repress trick today, many times, but I think the desire of me wanting to punch something were greater, because it didn't work.. Well, it got me a little calmer, but then I just started crying, and that got me even more mad. (I hate crying with a passion--especailly in front of people)
As with the boyfriend.. I feel really bad for hurting him.. he won't talk to me now.. I mean I guess it is a little awkward, but I asked him if he was okay today and he just ignored me like I wasn't there.. it hurt, but I guess its what I deserved.
I tried reasoning with my mother, and I said "Why don't you not sign me up for softball next year, and I'll find another sport?" She turned around with "I think I will, and if you find another then thats great." Now I think I'm going to be stuck with two.. I just can't win..
And my problem is when I get mad, its like I'm a whole other person. Everyones an enemy unless they're defending me completely. They can't be nuetral or in the middle, that means they're against me.. and I start to LIKE getting people mad. I want them to shout so I can yell right back.. and the things that come out of my mouth can become really nasty, but I really can't help it. They just come out.. but later when I come down from being mad, I usually feel bad. I try thinking of that while I'm mad, but it just doesn't work.. I guess my situations pretty helpless, isn't it? Mabye its just me..
As with the boyfriend.. I feel really bad for hurting him.. he won't talk to me now.. I mean I guess it is a little awkward, but I asked him if he was okay today and he just ignored me like I wasn't there.. it hurt, but I guess its what I deserved.
I tried reasoning with my mother, and I said "Why don't you not sign me up for softball next year, and I'll find another sport?" She turned around with "I think I will, and if you find another then thats great." Now I think I'm going to be stuck with two.. I just can't win..
And my problem is when I get mad, its like I'm a whole other person. Everyones an enemy unless they're defending me completely. They can't be nuetral or in the middle, that means they're against me.. and I start to LIKE getting people mad. I want them to shout so I can yell right back.. and the things that come out of my mouth can become really nasty, but I really can't help it. They just come out.. but later when I come down from being mad, I usually feel bad. I try thinking of that while I'm mad, but it just doesn't work.. I guess my situations pretty helpless, isn't it? Mabye its just me..
wow! sweetheart you are going through alot for as ypung as you are. from reading your posts i can understand why. my daughter sounds alot like you at her age. and honestly i did'nt know what to do for her but be there if she needed me. she did'nt like couseling either. she is extremely smart always has been. it sounds like you are too. and very sensitive also while trying to put up a front for everyone else including yourself. i'm so glad your not turning to drugs and alchohol, they are not the answer. it's too bad your mom is pushing to do sports, we let our daughter try whatever she wanted and if she lost interest then we let her go on to something else. i'm sure your mom is trying to help. children don't come with instuctions so it's a learning process for us too. as i said before, my daughter sounds a lot like you at her age. she's 31 now and doing great, i could't be prouder of her. she survived the terrible teenage years she went through. we're best friends now, we could'nt talk back then.things will get better. find a counselor that you click with. you may have to interview several. i'm glad you found this site, there are very caring people here that will listen to you. take care. remar
Hello,
Sorry about the long reply, my internet was really playing up over the weekend. The repress trick really does take practise and faith in doing it. So do keep on trying that and I'm sure it'll work. Also as I've said, if you concentrate on your breathing and trying to calm it down, it also helps. Eventually after allot of experience with it, you'll be fine.
With your boy friend, I say you should just act like you would around him, as if he was your friend, of course don't pretend the whole thing didn't happen, but his mind will pick up on your body language, he may not know it, but only 10% of what we say, is comming out our mouths.
As I've said, I'm really sorry I can't help you with your mom, but she seems too un-willing to help. She does love you, and she thinks what she's doing is for your own good. I don't blame her, but it's obvious she's doing the wrong thing.
I think with your angre you could take "Kalms" we have them here, I'm not 100% sure if you do there. But go to a chemist and have a look around, this is what they look like:
http://www.goodnessdirect.co.uk/detail/903140b.jpg
Now they're not harmful or addictive, of course read instructions for dosage. You won't need a perscription and if they ask you're 16, and these were reccomended by a counsillor to control your anger.
If you don't have them there, ask the pharmasist if they have anything simular to help your anger.
Thanks
- John -
Sorry about the long reply, my internet was really playing up over the weekend. The repress trick really does take practise and faith in doing it. So do keep on trying that and I'm sure it'll work. Also as I've said, if you concentrate on your breathing and trying to calm it down, it also helps. Eventually after allot of experience with it, you'll be fine.
With your boy friend, I say you should just act like you would around him, as if he was your friend, of course don't pretend the whole thing didn't happen, but his mind will pick up on your body language, he may not know it, but only 10% of what we say, is comming out our mouths.
As I've said, I'm really sorry I can't help you with your mom, but she seems too un-willing to help. She does love you, and she thinks what she's doing is for your own good. I don't blame her, but it's obvious she's doing the wrong thing.
I think with your angre you could take "Kalms" we have them here, I'm not 100% sure if you do there. But go to a chemist and have a look around, this is what they look like:
http://www.goodnessdirect.co.uk/detail/903140b.jpg
Now they're not harmful or addictive, of course read instructions for dosage. You won't need a perscription and if they ask you're 16, and these were reccomended by a counsillor to control your anger.
If you don't have them there, ask the pharmasist if they have anything simular to help your anger.
Thanks
- John -
Sorry for the long reply.. I really don't like logging into this place anymore.. its starting to feel like I'm some kind of patient..
Yeah, we have no pills like that around here. Besides--I'd pretty much only take pills if someone forced me to by shoving them down my throat.. I HATE medicine.. I mean.. I'm not sick! Well.. anyway.. me and the boy are back together.. so I really don't think thats gonna change no matter what. I can't stand seeing him unhappy. Thanks for all the help.. but I think its obvious that my situations pretty helpless.. you did help, and I'm so grateful for that--really! But I think its time I face reality.
I was never meant to be happy anyway.
Love, Peace, and Harmony,
Avianna
Yeah, we have no pills like that around here. Besides--I'd pretty much only take pills if someone forced me to by shoving them down my throat.. I HATE medicine.. I mean.. I'm not sick! Well.. anyway.. me and the boy are back together.. so I really don't think thats gonna change no matter what. I can't stand seeing him unhappy. Thanks for all the help.. but I think its obvious that my situations pretty helpless.. you did help, and I'm so grateful for that--really! But I think its time I face reality.
I was never meant to be happy anyway.
Love, Peace, and Harmony,
Avianna
i just started cutting myself too. i have major depression and anxiety. a doc put me on zoloft....i feel a little better. i still have thoughts of cutting and i still feel depressed. but it's not so intense now.
Hello,
Now now, don't give up, depression can seem helpless and can last even years.
Do you want to be with that guy again? Or was it out of guilt that you two are back together?
As saratonin has just shown, meds like that can have amazing effects. You say " I'm not sick" you don't have to be sick to take meds, although depression is infact an illness. I'd reccomend atleast next time you go to a chemist or are going somewhere near one, to have a look around, have a try, then think if they're worth it or not.
If you don't like using this forum, you don't have to use it, it's your choice, we're not forcing you or anything, I completely understand, I went through a simular thing to as what you're going through now.
Thanks
- John -
Now now, don't give up, depression can seem helpless and can last even years.
Do you want to be with that guy again? Or was it out of guilt that you two are back together?
As saratonin has just shown, meds like that can have amazing effects. You say " I'm not sick" you don't have to be sick to take meds, although depression is infact an illness. I'd reccomend atleast next time you go to a chemist or are going somewhere near one, to have a look around, have a try, then think if they're worth it or not.
If you don't like using this forum, you don't have to use it, it's your choice, we're not forcing you or anything, I completely understand, I went through a simular thing to as what you're going through now.
Thanks
- John -
I want to be with him, but I'm losing feelings for him fast, as I'm losing my feelings fast. I know it sounds weird.. but I sort of shut down all feelings for anything and stay safe that way.. and I know depression lasts a long time.. I've been sad since my brother left and my nana died. I remember right around that time, my sister was the age I am now, and was dealing with sorrow, and she had me take a depression survey so she wouldn't feel alone. I remember the last two.. it was to contact help immediately if you checked them off. One was if you ever hurt yourself for punishment or on purpose.. and the other was if you ever had thoughts of death frequently, or even suicide. I was only around the age of 8.. but I could have checked them both off. I don't want to deal with it anymore. I know I don't have to--but I will for the people around me. I don't want to hurt them..
Hello,
I know we do have that tension to put people above us. But I think you do need to start thinking about your self.
Pretending to be happy can have great improvements for some people, because their mind thinks that's how it should be, but everyone's mind and brian works different. So to some people it can just cause stress.
I really do reccommend you see the school counsillor, I know you hate even the thought of it, but just brave the first sesson, you'll be supprised how relaxing the environment is, and they wont tell your parents that you have the sessons.
Please do take that into mind, I'm not forcing you, it's your own choice, but I really do reccomend it.
Counselling over the internet is totally different, as I can't see your body language as you say something or as you reply to a question.
Thanks
- John -
I know we do have that tension to put people above us. But I think you do need to start thinking about your self.
Pretending to be happy can have great improvements for some people, because their mind thinks that's how it should be, but everyone's mind and brian works different. So to some people it can just cause stress.
I really do reccommend you see the school counsillor, I know you hate even the thought of it, but just brave the first sesson, you'll be supprised how relaxing the environment is, and they wont tell your parents that you have the sessons.
Please do take that into mind, I'm not forcing you, it's your own choice, but I really do reccomend it.
Counselling over the internet is totally different, as I can't see your body language as you say something or as you reply to a question.
Thanks
- John -
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