spousal abuse, after effects, makes me want to use again

[troubleinohio]

i absolutely hate that i keep getting put in this position from time to time but it is inevitable that i sometimes have to have contact with my ex because we have two children together. something bad happened last night and its like it all came back to me again...all the abuse he inflicted on me, it makes it worse when he does it again even after we have been apart for ...well..it'll be 2 years this fall...  He was extremely abusive to me last night again and he always takes it to the extreme to the point where i feel like curling up in a fetal position and killing myself. i HATE that he still has that power over me so much, and it also makes me want to use too. To numb myself from all the horrible things he's done to me. I wish i could get over it. My god its been almost 2 years and I cant allow myself to be in a relationship with another man yet, i still suffer daily from the things he's done to me. Why cant i get past this ? I thought after i left, my life would get so much better..

[TonySuprano]

I will come over with the team and take him out on a boat LOL!

[PromisedLand]

I can't offer much but to say my thoughts and prayers are with you...I get so f* angry when I read about this abuse stuff and what it does to women and what it is doing to you I want to scream..Lisa said it beautifully...we're with you, TIO.


May God bless you and keep you strong and keep this animal away from you.

Jim

[Mikeinthesouth]

Counseling helps out a great deal for those kind of hang ups. I saw my mother go through an abusive relationship for years feeling trapped regardless of all the outs she was given she felt stuck in it. Well she finally broke out of that relationship with her abusive husband and now is learning to experience life again. Thank God. This post and the replies are just one more confirmation to me that this site is awesome.

[aheart]

You are still letting him rent space in your head honey and you don't exactly know how to let go. Get professional couseling if you can, I think you might have P.T.S.D. post traumatic stress diorder. It's a real illness people are on disability for it. Whatever you do, don't go back over there again, the kids probably don;t need it either. You didn't ask for it though, its him not you, Love yourself, forgive yourself.xx00

[vicki595]

Hey Trouble~~  I know it's easier said but...move on Sweetie.Don't give him the power!
You do need some help getting to the root of all this...just so you can let go.  You have so much to offer: You're bright,a great Mom and very,very funny!   You could do stand up just about your day to day life(you know,your scarf catching on fire etc...) it would be hysterical!!          It takes a long time to get over any kind of abuse/trauma.
In the meantime,when I get upset or crave, I walk right to the vacuum cleaner,pull it out,plug in it and start vacuuming.  It works for me...it's loud and gets me focused and makes me feel better to see clean,dog hair free floors!!   Stop laughing!
Vicki  xo

[avisg]

that's why it  very important you get counseling this is why we bring it up all of the time you to get help for the problem so you dont contue to relapse overr and over

[liscamdave]

Because, when you go back to that dreadful place, the only way you used to be able to cope was by using. Its natural to do that. When I find myself dwelling in my husbands death, I think about using. As it used to help me deal with losing him. Its just a vicious circle. But, you cannot let it get to you. You need to know you are past that part of your life. You are better now and you can't let him get to you anymore.

I am going to message you.