addiction to a girl

[Sam273]

Hello, I am now aged 21,
when I was 16 years old, I had a crush on a girl named "Miro". At that time I was so lost, it was my puberty period. So my friend introduced me to a girl named "Kristel" and we've dated. We had some up and down and now after 6 years we are still together, and now I love "Kristel" now. As for "Miro", I didn't see her after my graduation or talk to her. I had her mail on MSN but she never comes in.
My problem is that I am always dreaming of "Miro" and dreaming of me , making love with her. And during days I also have ideas like calling her or mailing her. (I memorized her number and mail , I can't forget them).
The biggest problem is that I love "Kristel" and I don't want to make her sad or do anything that hurts her. I don't want to end my relation with "Kristel" and I am sexually addicted to "Miro".

any help  ? please

[Mikeinthesouth]

Now that would the kind of  fix I would want........

[Mikeinthesouth]

Hey the more women the merrier go get er....... you sly cat you.......LOL

[Savas]

I'm going to warn you, this is a "Grass is greener" scenario...a very common one. :)

But you tend to take your problems with you from one relationship to the next. Once that honeymoon period of fresh love and new discovery is over, those problems and issues are still there, waiting to pop up there ugly head.

So you may want to be aware of this for next time. Otherwise you may be repeating the cycle over and over, questing after the unattainable,  and destroying what you already have...or getting the unattainable and becoming unsatisfied after time with having it.

[Sam273]

just want to tell you, that we broke up me and Kristel because many things, we agreed to stay away from each other for many reasons: first we became too much aggressive and we were shouting on each other because we were passing in a really bad situation: a financial and spiritual one (especially my parents were pushing me to not spend much money and I had to spend that much because all the prices in our country went high). So we broke up, but we kept seeing each other but as friends. But from time to time,we flirted a bit, and that's what driving me crazy. because now, i cannot be with any girl at this moment because of my financial situation and because im not ready. and the weird thing is that im thinking of Miro more and more, and I dont want to hurt kristel because she doesn't deserve to be hurt. any help plzz

[VicUser]

I wish you all the luck in the world, let us know how it goes.

[Sam273]

SableZen, I think you're right, It's a fantasy that Im having. and Im gonna stick with the advice of VicUser. everytime I think of "Miro" I will do something like pushups or I will send a love letter to "kristel".

I won't tell anything about what I felt to "Kristel" because she will definitly break up with me, I know she can't take it.

I love "Kristel", we have been together for 6 years, and I shall keep her.

I want to thank you all for your advices.

[SableZen]

Just wanted to add - don't beat yourself up for having a fantasy. They are actually nice to have.

But G B Shaw has a point with the above quote - keeping it as a hidden desire is likely to avoid a tragedy in more ways than one.

[SableZen]

What you have is a fantasy (a sexual one - not unusual for a guy at all). It's an idealization.

Reality is different.

Don't do anything drastic. And I'll tell you why:

Fantasies NEVER match up with reality. They are NEVER as nice as they are in our heads. Let's say you actually met "Miro" and had sex with her... it's not going to be the same as it is in your head. And you'll probably realize you made a mistake if you left the one you are with for a fantasy.

"There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart's desire. The other is to gain it." -- G. B. Shaw

[VicUser]

Focus on Kristel, she sounds like to one that will bring you true happyness. It's a chioce who you think about, anytime you start think of Miro, drop to the floor and do 50 push ups, not the girly half push ups, but full nose to the floor body straight, if you still think about her do 50 more, if after 100 you still think about her write Kristel a love letter. The point is change your focus, you are in control, God gave us all free will and intellect.

[Sam273]

I understand you totally, thanks for your advices. Now, I will not break "Kristel" 's heart, and  "VicUser" I have made out with "kristel" many times, but I think I was thinking of having sex with "Miro" is because "miro" is a naughty girl, and not a polite one like "Kristel", I've know also that she's still in a relationship. So you are certainly right. It's better to have a bird in my hand rather than losing everything.

I don't know how can I now forbid myself of thinking of "Miro" , specially now that I've seen her pictures at facebook. That drove me crazy. Tell me what's the best way to forget a person.

[BornTwoRiff]

We say a bird in the hand is better than 2 in the bush ... Do you understand what that means?  

[VicUser]

If you go looking for Miro, cut Kristel loose. A really man wouldn't do that to a woman he loved. I think you are in love with the idea of Miro, what if she has no interest in you? If Kristel loves you as you say you love her then either poop or get off the pot. If you are having sex with Kristel, which I would bet you are, you need to stop treating her like an unpaid wh0re, a real man would make her his wife. Man up and decide, don’t use Kristel and then kick her to the curb over a fantasy.

By the way, if you aren’t having sex with Kristel, my hats off to you, but I still wouldn’t string along a woman I loved and obsess over a dream gal.

[Sam273]

ok but how can i look her up ? ( i didn't understand you well because my main language is arabic). Should I keep it in secret and not tell "kristel" ?

[enemy48]

Hey, it's okay!  I believe that everyone fantasizes from time to time.  

But if I were U, I'd look her up.  I'm saying this because I was in your situation some time ago.  I even got married feeling like I was still in love w/the other person.  After I divorced, I ran into "other guy" and he no longer turned me on.  I'm glad that happened, because I might still be thinking about him right now.

[Sam273]

My heart says that I should never ever thinking of cheating on "Kristel". But, My problem is that My heart is being confused. I forgot to mention that "Kristel" was and still my 1st date ever. So sometimes I think that I should see other girls and maybe I should get closer to "Miro" because I think that she's really SEXY. My crush on "Miro" was totally for sexual purposes and not for loving her. She turns me on so much, and that's my problem. I always think of making sexual relation with her. But as for "Kristel" I never think of her in that way (I love her and plan to marry her maybe) but I don't want to always have this emotions for "Miro" because It will cause me problems later.