Do you ever wish you could....

[PromisedLand]

have a day without a crisis or mess of some sort?  Right now in our family of 5, with 2 living elsewhere we have 4 different crisis...car problems (daughter has no money to fix) sick daughter (too cheap to buy insurance) other daughter in a crisis with a male, my sociopathic stepson in California (37) continuing to ruin my life, my exwife and my wife fighting and I'm in the middle....and I'm still trying to deal with my son's death...

There is something every single day.

Jim

[LIZZIE LOU]

gosh jim...i'm with ya...been there, done that ! ! !

i know that everyone handles things differently...but i finally reached the point of having to just stop.  i had the three sons who were addicts...my dad died and i had to take care of my mom's emotional well being...one of my sons was diagnosed with hiv...kids were getting married, splitting up, going back together faster than i could blink...and then i had one son in college that i had to make sure his needs were being met and that he didnt feel like the odd man out because he was "perfect".

in the process of taking on everyone else's needs...i lost myself.  i was no longer the vibrant, out going woman that i once was.  i was just someone who everyone used for their own selfish reasons...and i guess it was because i allowed this to happen.

when i finally decided i was done...i meant i was done.  i gave the control of "their" lives back to them ! ! !  i had nothing more to give and i was an empty soul.  i was 52 years old but emotionally i was already dead.  so what did i do?  i packed up and moved to the beach :)   my husband was taking a different job with the government in atlanta and i wasnt about to move to all of that mess...so he moved there and i moved to the beach.

i have to say that this is the best thing that i have done for MYSELF in yearrrrrrrrrs.  i know that my situation is a little different and that not everyone can just pack up and move...but there has to come a time when "we" as parents give back that control and put the responsiblity of our children's lives back to them.  

please take care of "yourself" jim...it's time to (re)discover who you are...it's time find that "happiness" once again.

hugs,
kim

[scaredmom330]

I am with Lizzielou, there comes a time when you just can't fix all your kids problems and they are their problems not yours..I know it's hard and bud you sure have had a rough time lately but you need to set back and let the kids deal with their own problems. now I have no answer for the exwife argueing with the wife, except maybe to tell the ex wife she is exactly that the ex. know you are not alone I think all us parents go through what you are and we all some how make it. know I am sending you strength to get through this, and hope you have a calm life for awhile.

hugs

P.S. I moved 460 miles aways from my youngest just to get a break from all his problems and it being something new each day. it's hard but was doable.

[road2recovery]

pfzierfighter...GREAT POST!!!  Bear, you are one of the sweetest people i have ever known...It hurts me that you are feeling so much pain in all directions...I pray that you can take some advice and inspiration from others...

I was at a conference with my husband about a yr and a half ago..There was a man there that was seated at the table with us for dinner...he was in a wheelchair and had only one arm...but his smile was brighter then the sun...At that time I was struggling to get clean, and really hated my life..I remember it was pouring down raining, and someone at the table said , I hate this weather, wish it would stop raining...the man said very nicly, he said Do like i do,  I make my own weather...After he said that, everyone was very quiet..I will never forget those words for the rest of my life, or that man sitting there unable to do much without the help of his wife...When i got to my hotel room, I remember crying and thinking about that one comment, I wish I could see him again, and tell him how he saved one persons life...I remember saying , this is it, I will not stuggle, or fight anymore, I just gave it up...I felt this sense of releif and strenght....Sometimes we just have no control over things, and use so much energy trying to help everyone else but ourselves....Not sure if this is making any sense, but just something that i had to say, that was so personal to me..
I pray for you jim, that you can find peace..
hugs to you my friend
r2r

[PromisedLand]

Thank you all (trouble...I'm heading there next)...I can't go into a lot of details but what has sent me over the edge is what happened between my 37 year old stepson (from my first marriage) and my 20 year old (step) daughter from my second marriage who is more precious to me than just about anything...my 37 year old is a sociopath who runs a porn business and who is a predator..on the night my son died he manipulated my daughter out of her hotel room where she was staying with her mother) took her to his mother's house and well...of course my daughter has some responsibility)....she now has herpes. and there is no talking to him without getting f bombs and hang ups and "she's an adult". this young woman was victimized by her "father" at a very young age and has been through nothing but horrible stuff since then...and she's trying so hard to get things together.

And I find myself in the middle between my ex and my wife who asked for some help from her and wound up in a big fight...Last night I said I don't want my stepson mentioned again in this house or any conversation and our responsibility is to care for our daughter (who as I say accepts responsibility..)

all of this as we deal with the loss of my son.  Last night I was quite close to jumping in my truck and just driving..fortunately talking to my remaining son, who I love dearly, calmed me down...

I'm sorry I can't respond to each...but thank you for your thoughts.

love to all

Jim

[PromisedLand]

and I'm sorry to dump here....I'm trying to get into counseling to deal with all this stuff.


Jim

[Sunnyd210]

Ohhh bear I dont think any of us would consider you dumping. You have alot going on and the best thing for you to do is vent!