Do you ever wish you could....

[PromisedLand]

have a day without a crisis or mess of some sort?  Right now in our family of 5, with 2 living elsewhere we have 4 different crisis...car problems (daughter has no money to fix) sick daughter (too cheap to buy insurance) other daughter in a crisis with a male, my sociopathic stepson in California (37) continuing to ruin my life, my exwife and my wife fighting and I'm in the middle....and I'm still trying to deal with my son's death...

There is something every single day.

Jim

[LIZZIE LOU]

gosh jim...i'm with ya...been there, done that ! ! !

i know that everyone handles things differently...but i finally reached the point of having to just stop.  i had the three sons who were addicts...my dad died and i had to take care of my mom's emotional well being...one of my sons was diagnosed with hiv...kids were getting married, splitting up, going back together faster than i could blink...and then i had one son in college that i had to make sure his needs were being met and that he didnt feel like the odd man out because he was "perfect".

in the process of taking on everyone else's needs...i lost myself.  i was no longer the vibrant, out going woman that i once was.  i was just someone who everyone used for their own selfish reasons...and i guess it was because i allowed this to happen.

when i finally decided i was done...i meant i was done.  i gave the control of "their" lives back to them ! ! !  i had nothing more to give and i was an empty soul.  i was 52 years old but emotionally i was already dead.  so what did i do?  i packed up and moved to the beach :)   my husband was taking a different job with the government in atlanta and i wasnt about to move to all of that mess...so he moved there and i moved to the beach.

i have to say that this is the best thing that i have done for MYSELF in yearrrrrrrrrs.  i know that my situation is a little different and that not everyone can just pack up and move...but there has to come a time when "we" as parents give back that control and put the responsiblity of our children's lives back to them.  

please take care of "yourself" jim...it's time to (re)discover who you are...it's time find that "happiness" once again.

hugs,
kim

[troubleinohio]

Jim Im sorry youre having lots of problems, and youre right, its *always* something. I totally know what you mean. Im still having problems with my ex constantly, he's psycho as ever and scaring me, got 1 sick kid right now and Im getting really discouraged not finding a job yet!! I want sooo badly to get my own house for me and my boys more than ANYTHING right now. Anyhow, I know our problems are different and of varying degrees but I do empathize with you for sure.
Hey if you want a tiny pick me up, check out my profile pictures when you can- i posted  a picture of my meatloaf several days ago just for you mainly to see, LOL.
xo xo

[allaboutmary]

Your a good man.  You care so much for your family , thus their problems become yours.  Like Sunny said.....your kids should be proud to call you dad. Hang in there bud. Hugs,  Mary

[Sunnyd210]

Wow Phizer how inspirational.
Bear Im sooo sorry it doesnt ever seem to end for you does it? You are one tough cookie and ur kids should be proud to call you dad!!!

[PfizerFighter]

Same with me, not religious per se. Yours are deep problems, painful problems -- problems that quick fix approaches can't solve. Let me give you a scenario, and see if it makes any sense to you okay? I'll word it so that it appears this is my current situation.

I am currently struggling with separate, but equally stressful issues. My stepson is going through a difficult time with a mood disorder, myr ex-wife is causing friction with my wife, and each of my two daughters have problems as well. Socially this is unacceptable to me. I am consumed with the desire to help my son, at least so his actions and behavior do not interfere with my life. I feel that if "success" is important in any area of life, it is important in my role as parent and husband. I thought it was my attitude, and that I could use positive mental attitude techniques, such as, "Come on son, you can get through this!!" When others passed judgment on my stepson, or even my daughters, I reprimanded them, saying "Leave him/her alone. They are trying!!"

Nothing I did seemed to help. I could see the effect this was having on their self-esteem. I tried to be encouraging and helpful and positive, but after repeated failure to see any changes for the better, I finally threw my hands up. Tapped out.

Then, I decided that maybe I should change my perpception (try looking AT the lens through which I see the world, as well as the world I see, because this lens shapes how I interpret the world). I realized that if I wanted to change my situation, I first have to change myself. And to change myself effectively, I first have to change my perception.


*I am not one to judge, as that is not my place. I am just another person like you, trying to get by in life doing the best I can with what I have.

[PromisedLand]

Thank you..I'm not "religious" per se, but I believe in the God of the Bible but admit to not turning to Him much lately.


I will certainly take your words to heart.  thank you very much for them..

Jim