Why can't I own a Canadian?

[Mangee]

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Date: Wed, 7 Apr 2010 22:48:26 -0500
From: ***@****
To:
Subject: Why can't I own a Canadian?



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Why Can't I Own a Canadian?                          October 2002
Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show.
Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus
18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by
a east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:


Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show,
and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual
lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination.
End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:
When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9.
The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you
think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness -
Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from
neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you
clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death.
Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser
abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that
I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is
expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if
I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife
by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and
blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone
them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who
sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding
us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted fan,
Jim



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[narla]

My parents and 3 older brothers were all born in England and all my Aunts,Uncles and Cousins live there,I'm the first Australian born in the family.The funny thing is I married an Irishman,  

[beatingthis]

Hubby is a Brit and he keeps telling me that are going to take over again lol!

He has the best sense of humor, he has to, he is married to me. lol!

T

[narla]

Hey,we have to be able to laugh at ourselves,so no offence taken here.We'll just blame the Brits for invading our countries,only joking if there are any Brits reading this.LOL

Denise

[beatingthis]

You know I am just kidding ya. I agree it was stolen. Just like the US. The poor indians didn't have a chance.
Embarrassing.

T

[narla]

Actually in my opinion Australia wasn't founded it was stolen from the native people that were already here,

[narla]

We won't go there,but I'm not a convict

[beatingthis]

No offence taken! I tease the heck out of my husband STILL. LMAO

Shall we talk about how Australia was founded? LOL!!

Love ya Narla!

[narla]

Maybe it's the Americans that decided change the way things were spelt to make it easier for them to learn,I'm bad  LOL

[beatingthis]

darn Brits can't even speak or spell proper English lol

(Yes I am married to one) lol!

[el_em_en_oh]

I was just at Houston Intercontinental Airport going through security, and this Sikh was standing in front of me (Indian looking guy with a turban). He was "randomly" chosen and pulled out of the line so they could do a more thorough search.

I was standing adjacent to where the pat-search & bag-search was about to take place, and the TSA agent asked him if he minded being searched by a male.

His words, and I quote: "I'm not gay or a terrorist... I'm Canadian".

True story.

[narla]

I'm actually Australian,but we were taught the British way of spelling.

[Mangee]

Everyone has a sense of humour. If you can find the humour in anything that is actually funny then there is no doubt you have a sense of humor. You must be a Canadiannarla. I get this from the way you spelled humour. The Americans leave out the," u."

[narla]

Mangee,where do you get your humour,I love it.

[Mangee]

The first paragraph you wrote is true, the second one is partially true and the third one is false.
We do communicate with the penguins otherwise we would not know if Sarah Palin can actually see Russia from her house.
The waddle that penguins have are their way of sending us morse signals. They don't truly walk that way.
They spend a lot of time under water to detect any intrusion by enemy submarines.
If you look at them closely you will see that the tuxedos they are wearing were rented.
We were not banished. We chose to live here because here there are no killer bees, blackwidow spiders, rednecks from the Ozarks, and no George W. Bush.
As for Celine Dion, she is a secret agent who's voice is hypnotizing the Americans to think that we are real.
Canada is actually a figment of everyone's imagination and we don't really exist.
Do you think that anyone actually says,"Eh," after each sentence, and do you really think that there are people  like Ignatieff of the Liberals, Harper from the Conservativesand, Layton from the NDP running loose in the world. Only those who listen to Celine sing are believers.

[jstntime]

I can't believe I missed this one!!!

I'll probably get in trouble with my fellow Canadians on this one but I'll let you all in on a few secrets: We only say "EH?" in the presence of Americans to keep up the ruse......and this is the BIG one.......100% Canadian back bacon is just ham.  

And you can't own us because you already do.  We have simply been banished to this geographical area until global warming makes yours inhabitable, at which point we will be forced to trade places.

Yes we're cute and VERY cuddly but we don't communicate with penguins.  They only live near the south pole remember???

Celine is DEFINITELY a con.

bob

[laurel453]

hahahah

but hummm.... don't agree


celine dion would be a con without doubt for me,....doesn't leviticus say something about her? i would think so.

[el_em_en_oh]

There are TONS of permits required and the licensing fees are exorbitant...

Pro's:
~cute when they're little
~able to drive in the snow
~can communicate with both Eskimo's & penguins telepathically
~adorable, charming, soft & cuddly
~can sing theme music to Hockey Night in Canada before they learn to walk
~Celine Dion... nuff' said;-)

Con's:
~vaccinations are costly
~funny accent
~Canada isn't a real country
~grooming & boarding is very expensive
~owners-manual is missing page 8 and page 43
~they have no soul
~drink Molson Canadian

[salsinator]

OMG!  I saw this on the web the other day - great come back to some sensitive topics - for some anyway.  I was surprised and also had some pride when I saw that the letter was written by a professor at University of Virginia - here in my home town.  Great letter!

[laurel453]

hahahaha this is great, intelligent sense of humour against bigotry.. :)

[Beccabeccalynn]

Super funny, very true

[vicki595]

Well,if I got a Canadian,I'd want it to be GIZZY !!!!

[beatingthis]

LMAO!   Too Funny!!

[el_em_en_oh]

You can't have a Canadian because your Mother and I would end up having to feed it, and walk it, and bathe it, and take care of it.

They're all cute and cuddly when they're small, but after they grow up...

[beatingthis]

lol!