Gossip..

[jenny8575309]

My sponsor told my X bf that the only reason I broke up with him was because I wanted to go get high... My X told me she said that, and in anger I repsonded that I wasn't going to go to my homegroup anymore. My X told my sponsor at the time what I said, and now I've heard it from other people. I tried to go back to my homegroup, but I just couldn't make it in the door. I sat in the parking lot for 15 minutes, then turned around and went home. I know I brought this on myself, I shouldn't have gotten in a reletionship so early on, but I did, and I can't change what I did, only what I do. For the record I broke up with him because I felt that it was best for our recovery, not cos I wanted to go get high. It does suck tho, because it took me months to start feeling comfortable there, and now it's all ruined because of fkng gossip. Now I don't have a sponsor.. As for gossip being fatal, yeah I can see that because driving home, I was so disappointed in myself for not being able to walk in that I did want to use.. I just feel so alone, ridiculous and misunderstood. By the way my clean date is 11.3.07, and by the grace of God I'm hanging on, and doing what I'm supposed to be doing. Another problem I have is that I don't have a sponsor, and I'm having trouble calling people, because when I do, they don't answer or call me back, and that makes me think that they don't want to talk to me. When I start feeling lonely like this, then I turn inwardly for comfort, and I've found that this is a dangerous thing for me to do. Inwardly is where my disease is strongest, and I've found that as soon as the despairing thought of "Maybe I don't need to go to NA" the despairing thought (not desire) of using follows soon after. If I'm stupid or depressed enough to entertain that thought, then it will turn to a desire.. If that happens, then there's a pretty good chance that I'm going to use. I need NA, I need People, I need to quit feeling sorry for myself. But it's really hard, I feel so betrayed.

[Mangee]

Well put, well put!

[girlybuff]

That was highly inappropriate for your sponsor to do.  I suggest you face her and tell her so without getting anrgy and without getting too personal.  Keep it about how it made you feel not about her pn a personal level.  She needs to make amends to you.   Secondly, if your clean date is Nov. you should not be in a new relationship BUT that doesn't give her the right to do what she did.  They have those "rules" for a reason.  Maybe it's a lesson God wanted you to learn.
Now, is there any truth to what she said, because if there is she might have been trying to help you, although still, it was not her place.
As far as the home group thing goes.... well, I belong to a home group that gossips all the time.  We all have years and years of sobriety and the line is crossed somehow because we see each other as family.  It's annoying and I most of the time I know who to say what to but sometimes I forget myself.
Do not allow them to steal your serenity after you've worked so hard.  Go back there with your head held high.  Remember, we don't always go to meetings for ourselves but for the newcomer and by you missing those meetings you might miss your next sponsor or someone who really needs to hear what you have to say.  It's all about giving back.
If you continue to feel uncomfortable, find another homegroup and find it quickly.
Just stay honest...........and don't allow anyone to suck you into drama.  Pray for your sponsor.  Just because a person has more time than you or is a sponsor doesn't mean they aren't human.  She has her flaws too.  After all, wasn't she once an addict?
Forigve and move on.  Let go and let God.  But do not stop going to meetings.  Remember, we must be willing to go to ANY lengths, even if it means swallowing our pride once in a while.
Good luck and God bless.