I am completely on the verge of saying FORGET THIS!

[dedicatedtostop]

OMG i am hanging by a thread here, a tiny thead at that. physically I am fine................ It is my emotions. I come home this evening and here we go again w the spouse.... He comments, I have no sympathy, it is self induced, I do want you to feel better.... You brought this on your self..... What he does not get is that I cant do this without any support from him and his negative comments are sending me on the verge. I told him if he wants me to get where I need to be w have to endure and I need his support... Like I told him.. You dont know how I feel and I would never wish it on you.  I am just here, only present. I swear I am doing the best I can, BUT THIS............. has just about pushed me over big time. Not so sure now I can do this.... Heck I get negative comments for getting on here now and My Goodness I cant do it without medhelp. I am about to throw in the towel

[barbiedoll8890]

Stay strong! It is worth it in the long run! Watch a funny movie or go for a walk and get away from what stresses you it makes it worse!

[WannaHelp]

as the wife of an addict i am on here asking for ways to help my husband stay strong. im sorry you don't have the support you are looking for in your spouse but hopefully you are doing this for you and not him. please stay strong and remember why you want to be clean and try to hold on. while it may have strted off as self induced addiction is not a choice. you cant decide not to be an addict it controls your brain and you have to fight it just like you would cancer. dont give up the batte. i am a cancer survivor so i know how to fight and i am not ready to give up my husband yet. dont let your convince you to wit either.

[Colorless]

Please stay strong! I wrote your marital story years ago, (I'm older than you with grown children). I also wrote my ending, booting his butt to the curb where it belonged, but that is a personal decision. Only you can decide how you deserve to be treated. Just don't be surprised if you kick your demon and become stronger, and he becomes your enabler to keep your self esteem down..just sayin'. I didn't become acquainted with Norcos until 5 years ago or so...been clean for 6 days now...it's so hard...the hardest part is I'm completely alone with no hubby, no kids, no friends that know, etc...mixed blessing!  I have found salvation in a pair of excellent earphones and a playlist like Pink's "Sober", "Harder to Breathe" by Maroon 5, etc, or whatever gets your endorphins goin'...cuz that's what the drug made for you and caused you brain to temporarily halt its production....anyway...Best of luck....You are in my prayers.....the slightly now hearing impaired Colorless but soon to be Rainbow!

[snowwhiteblktears]

You know no one said life was easy and we go and make it just a bit harder by bringing drugs in our lives. So now its time to pay your dues there is always going to be someone out there that will say **** to make u feel like your less than what u are. Only u can choose whether or not to let them succeed at that. You have kids focus on them thats your strength your will to continue to do the right thing is your strength stop beating yourself up stop letting him beat you up. Tell him I'm not your whipping post I'm your wife good or bad those were the vows we took. So either help me or shut the f--- up and let me help myself. Your life is more important your children's lives are more important then his  remarks. It takes a lot to make the decision to want to get straight it takes even more to do it give yourself credit your stronger then even u realise. Good luck !!!

[Mikeinthesouth]

My ex was not supportive of my recovery at all in fact in the beginning she used to tell me things about being online here as well. The meetings she fussed too and i would give in and not get clean but then she would ***** about me being to loaded. I think and have been told by close family that she seemed to want me to stay in the addiction a bit but when i went overboard as i always do she did not like that. i think it was all a control issue. well know we are divorced and i am clean something i seemed to never be able to get while being married. she was there to help me stay high as in getting things for me when i was out and running to get alcohol for me when i needed that. all i can say is that we did do it to ourselves and our recovery is our responsibility no one else but ours. u hang in there and put ur recovery first even if it means divorce hun there is life after divorce too.

[BrotherFrankie]

and you CAN do this.

[BrotherFrankie]

great posts

[BrotherFrankie]

for so many years our loved ones lived with the hurt and consequences  of our addictions and then we expect them to be all loving and supportive of us.. i too expected aall the lovey dovey support. truth is i used up all my loved ones sympathy during my addiction.Its sad but a reality. How can we call it abusive when they put up boundaries to protect their sanity?

[hiskidd]

Find "Lead Me" by Sanctus Real and have him listen to the song. Inspiring lyrics might help change his attitude. Praying. David

[Jimmy1975]

I have to confess to you guys what I did . Not proud of it but I knew if I told my significant other she would have had me for lunch being a gym jock herself ! You people who know me know I have (GED) anxiety . Thing is it hardly ever flares up unless I agitate it with opiate abuse ! I was taking really so little two to three 10/500s a day and not everyday that I was threw with the physical withdrawals in three days . It was the mental part that was tough on me ' So as far as she knew I was going threw a really bad period of anxiety . Like a month or more if I remember just right . Got all the support I needed . Am I proud of that ? No I am not but reading your post is exactly why I did it . Most people don't understand addiction and its scary enough to go threw this nightmare without trying to deal with a  unsupportive  spouse . I hope he sees the light and helps you threw this ..Jimmy

[Plshelp2011]

Dedicated I thought I was the only one who Was having no energy and shamed impact it has on the kids. That said, ur not alone!!! U r trying w every ounce to survive and beat this addiction and u are winning! Ur husband is not gonna change at least not rt now, but u can! This freedom from the pills is for u and ur babies not him. I can relate more than I want to with ur struggle and now glad more than ever I down played this w my husband who as previously posted proceeded to get f&$k'd up following my confession. I'm alone (outside of this forum) but guess that really means I'm really not alone cause we all have each other. Keep posting as we're here for u ~ always. Please dont give up!

[IBKleen]

dedicated, why don't you try also posting in the relationship forum. That is a pretty active community and maybe they can give you some additional help with what you are going through. I hope it all works out for you.

[halstead124]

t      that how i deal with it makes me wanna prove them wrong and i also dont want to loose my kids it would just be nice to get some support after shes the one telling me to get help but she thinks after two or three weeks its all gonna be normal thats why they have no clue i mean your trying the best ya can thats all you can do..

[dedicatedtostop]

yep....... relationship has been an issue for a long time.. You see thats just it, I have to give every ounce of energy i have to get up and play w my kids... stayed w my parents a little this afternoon, pretty much slept, but they live an hour away. You know that is what ***** so bad about this, it takes everything that I have to get up and interact w my children, and BOOM, its not good enough. My 110 percent just is not enough. right now i am going to try to go to bed early and probably drive back to my parents house tomm. Oh how i wish i could get up and do more w my girls and in time i will, but i would do anything for him to see where i am right now as an accomplishment... but he just dont...... i just want to freaking sleep

[Jammerson1906]

I know you are trying your hardes....god all who have been there know that. Dont feel you need to post back each time, dont feel you need to find the words. When you FEEL like posting, you post! When you NEED to post, you post.
You are putting as much pressure on yourself as he is!!! Knock it off!! I say that with lots of love. God we are soooo good at beating the crap out of ourselves, no more. Breathe, you said it, you are busting your butt, doing the best YOU can...what more can you ask of yourself. Who cares what he asks of you, this is your time!!!
Thats right, this hell is for you, AND for those babies. We have to be strong, we are mothers. We have to be examples....we made that decision the day we had them. Are we perfect, GOD NO!!! I tell my kids everyday, learn from me, see what this has done to me!!! They think I am amazing, that I am strong and confident and an incredibly intimidating woman (that makes me chuckle!) so for them to see me, me, like this has got to hit home!!! I am dealing with the shame. But, what if I was using....how much more shameful would that be???

[Baker3336]

Take the kids and go get a nice hotel for a couple days with a pool and hot tub. Or just go stay with a friend or relative for a few. I can't imagine going through wds like that. That *****. He sounds like a complete di@k. I feel for ya but try whatever ya can to stick with it. It will get better( not so sure about your relationship with him) but good luck.

[avisg]

Do not let is behavior give you the excuse to give in. Sometimes we have to find our support others places other then our family he is being ignorant and mean but here is the thing you cant change the way he acts but you can control what you do .Use it to push you forward .You dont want to go back now to have to go threw this again .Show him YOU can do this ,You DIDNT get yourself into this, but you can get out of it .Lean on all of us we have been there and will help...

hang in there

[dedicatedtostop]

Thank you! So tell me, does it not make you want to just say screw it? how do you get motivation with all the negativity?.... My Goodness i know this has to be done but I have no clue how i am going to pull it together to get there. i am so freakin lost

[halstead124]

  i know i put my wife through some preety brutal times and shes always stayed but she does nag i dont anything and tells me if i dont get it together shes leaving ,whatever so i quit drinking ,xanax and cut back on pills went to meeting mind with no support from her at all ,you did your self giving static in thehouse i bought ,so things getting better i quit drinking ina day so now i got more energy now my family is dead  certain now im smoking rocks or meth nothing was good enough so i know  what your dealing with because they have not a clue.,dave

[dedicatedtostop]

congrats on your cake. That is big!! I really am speechless for words. i dont know what to say, oh and yes my back is killing me today. I do know this... I can not handle someone telling me that everything that i am doing... retaining to my girls, is not good enough. Esp when i am trying my hardest.... I SWEAR i am. But to be honest... I lived w put downs like that for years, even when I was taking pills. Congrats on your cake!!! Trust me I know that is a huge accomplishment. I dont even know what else to say :( Oh wait..... I am going through this hell for my kids because I love them so much! Dont appear to be enough

[Jammerson1906]

Ok, just read the emotionally abusive post. Gotta do this for you...then once you have the courage, you can reevaluate the relationship. WAY TOO MUCH pressure right now...need to put that on the back burner so you can take care of you. Find a way, anyway to block him out, or knock him out! OMG< just kidding!!!
This is your fight.....never let another control you. Be an example to those precious young ones. I have a daughter...I want to be an example, you need to be too!
God Bless.....you are in my thoughts:)))

[Jammerson1906]

BS....YOU ARE NOT GOING TO GIVE IN!!!
Someone said to me recently, time to put on your big girl pants and get it done!!! Now, you go grab yours...I will wait....
Ok, put them on!!!! lol
What are the options...really for me, thats what it is about. How many more day 7's will it take. Can you do this again. There will always be a "tax" time in your life!!! That is life, the ups and downs! The pills are SOOOO temporary. Then you go from 3 to 4 to 9. It will never end, never. Your children need you clean. They need you drug free!!! Not doped up, fake *** happy mommy! Supermom...can get 100 things done in 30 minutes (although that I do miss! lol)
Cry....I, embarrassing as this is, was on the floor in my bedroom, looking through our taxes (probably not the smartest thing to be doing on day 5!) and began to scream, bunch the ground, cried like a baby, had an absolute temper tantrum!!! GOD IT FELT GOOD!!! Go in your bathroom, turn on the water, grab a pillow and scream into it.....as loud as you possibly can!!! It will help......

The emotional part of this has been absolutely the hardest part for me, hands down. You and hubby are under so much pressure. And part of it hurts, because he is right, and we feel so much shame. We did do this to ourselves, not that we want to hear it, but we did. Accept it, and be proud of changing it...that is all you can do. You cannot go back and take it back.....forward, one foot in front of the other.
I baked a cake today....holy crap I actually baked a cake today!! That silly little thing was huge for me. I have not been able to do crap, but it around and cry, and today I baked a cake!
Ok girlfriend, go scream......XXXOOO

[dedicatedtostop]

i dont know guys, i really dont!!!! When i hear the negative, and how i am basicly not "a good enough mother" it just makes me want to turn the other way.......... Do I want to.. Absolutely not, but this is just about all I can bear.... Let me add what i have not shared... this has been a very controlling and emotionly abusive relationship for years.
All i can do is pray, and I seriously dont even know what else to say other than I am trying so darn hard

[halstead124]

  hang in there wife does the same thing she has no idea what this is like so im working harder now then ever and she tells me im getting to wrapped up with meetings and other things when she said i had to end this .just hang in..