Knock, Knock

[carr]

I'm still alive and fighting. I am at day 114. I'm up at 3:38 am, sleeping isnt one of my better accomplishments. Life is great, being clean only gets better. Do I still think of using? Yes, most everyday. I was a junkie of the needle type and when I see where I used to inject, I get a funny feeling in my stomach. I think about what it would feel like to "feel" it just once more. I then stop and think "fool, why are you thinking that ****?" And then the answer to that is all the bad things that using cost me. Family, friends, money, pride, self esteem, depression, shame, guilt and the list is endless. I had the opportunity to get high twice this past month, not that I went looking for it mind you, it was here, presented to me and guess what? I DIDN'T DO IT. I was proud of myself because it would have been very easy to use. I have too many good things in my life to mess up this time. I have my family, a new love in my life, (Mark),  friends, pride, self esteem, no depression, no shame, no guilt and the list goes on. Oh, and one of the most important things is I'm happy. Finally, I am happy. Life is great now. I try not to look to far ahead in the future as it's not realistic for me. Tomorrow is my future, today is the present and yesterday is the past.

I still have legal issues to deal with. And when I am ready I will deal with them. Unless they deal with me before I want too..lol. Addiction is ugly, no doubt about that but Recovery is beautiful. I'm ready for beautiful, I don't like ugly. Hell, who does? Right?

For those still wondering if you can do this, yes, yes you can. I went from having a home to homelessness, actually living in an abandoned house in "crackville". Of my own accord mind you and now I am back where I belong. Well maybe not where I belong, but definately where I want to be at this point in my life. I'm happy, loved, wanted and I'm no where near normal.

Peace, Love, and Happiness to all,

Carrie

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

Man its good to hear from you - - and its even better to hear what you have to say!!  Does this mean that I cant buy a parking spot from you whenever i get to B'ngham? You do really sound just "right" today Lady - - and thats really good to hear - are you still doing any poems? If not, you need to be......

[Jambo62]

Well congrats....it posts like yours that inspire those of us struggling to suceed in htis journey...you should feel good about yourself.....i know i would...i will whe i get there.

Jambo

[HelpinUtah]

WOW!  Very inspiring post!  Thank you for sharing yourself that way!  CONGRATS!  You are doing GREAT!  Have a wonderful New Year!!!

[AlessandrasMom]

That is a very inspiring post.  I love it when you post your updates, you sound better and better each time!  Congrats on the new love as well!  Happy new year to you!

[allaboutmary]

Wow ! You sound great !  Congradulations !  Keep up the great work. Hugs,  Mary