Out of Pills... and TERRIFIED

[sammie02]

Well, I finished the script I picked up on 9/22 last night... all 120 pills. Gone. Now I am realizing that it is going to be a whole 3 days without my evil little friends... and I am beginning to panic. Anxiety is setting in. My head is spinning, and I want to cry. What am I going to do for 3 days without pills? I know that the Benadryl, sleepytime tea, and Kava will only go so far... God, I am scared...what do I do?  I NEED my tramadol....              Please help...

[GA Guy]

Have you considered trying to stop for good? I mean, I'm sympathetic as anyone to this vicious cycle, but it'll never really stop until you do something. Getting through 3 days of withdrawals to get to the next script isn't really living. You may need them for legit pain, but the fact that you're running out 3 days early shows me that there is some abuse there. Are we just giving advice to get you to the next script, or do you want to never have to do this again?

[sammie02]

I want this to all end, but I am not sure I am strong enough to end it. I can finally admit to myself that, yes, there is definitely abuse with them... I started out taking them as prescribed (2 every 4 hours PRN), but I found that taking more made me feel sooo good. Now I am in their death grip. I know this is not living. The reason why I started taking this medication is because I had 2 surgeries to try to fix the cause of chronic pain, and was starting to get hooked on the Oxy, Vics, and Darvocet the doctor had me on. I came to this medication so I WOULD NOT GET HOOKED... and here I am, hooked... and scared to death. It took me coming to this website to realize that I had a problem... a handful of trammies, OTC sleeping pills, and Benadryl every night... sometimes an occasional Ambien... I want my life back, but am scared of being hopelessly lost forever, as I am now. I guess I just need some advice and such from people that can say that they have been there, or people that are going through the same thing I am... I have no other support system, since nobody knows about my problem. I came to this board because I saw how wonderful people here are, and how everyone offers support... and I thought that maybe I could get some insight into what others have experienced... And I want to NEVER have to do this again... This is NOT living... and I WANT OUT!
Sorry for making this so long...

[troubleinohio]

i assume you must be getting your pills elsewhere besides from an RX cuz i dont know any pharmacy or doctor that will let you refill 120 pills one week after you just filled. Im worried for you because you have been taking such a huge dose and now are abruptly stopping. have you ever run out before like this? if so, for how long?  GA Guy is right about you needing to want to quit though...keep reading and posting..

[Mikeinthesouth]

you might want to truly lok at it for what it is and try to figure out if this is something troublesome enough in your life that you should remove it from your life. I have very much reason to be on pain killers but I have used up my right to have chemical pain management as I abused them so much I believe that lifetime share of that drug to be so fulfilled that I used more than my share so it is time and has been for awhile now to use again.

[sammie02]

I actually am allowed a refill on these every 10-12-15 days... sometimes the refills go through sooner. I have never run out like this before, and that's what scares me. I had a horrible night, sweat-soaked and no real sleep... And the feeling that my legs are twitching and jerking... I want out of this, I want to be able to go back to taking them as prescribed, but I don't know if I really trust myself... that's why I am here.

[NautyOne]

I would not advise you just stop Tramadol abruptly at the dose you are currently at.  I don't believe its safe.  Don't just stop.  High doses of tramadol can cause seizures while taking & stopping.  I don't care where or how you get them.  Just don't stop c/t...right now.

luv,
nauty.............

[PromisedLand]

Are there any refills left on your now empty bottle?

[leeisgettingclean]

no you can not "go back" to taking as prescribed, theres a line there that you do not cross, and when you have you can go back

[sammie02]

Yes, I have 3 refills left on the script... I have been taking it since July, and it has gotten this bad, this fast. I want to cry as I type this, because I have never had a real addiction... yeah, I messed around with cocaine a few years ago, but that was recreational... only a few times. I only drink socially, and I do not smoke. This is INCREDIBLY scary, as I am now sitting at work, and I feel like I have been hit by a bus. I have hot and cold flashes, a horrible stomachache, and my head feels like it is swimming. I feel like I could pass out any time... And I am trying to keep my coworkers from noticing. I just want to go home and lay down... Now I am questioning if I should pick up the script at all... But as NautyOne said, I have heard that getting away from this has to be done gradually, with a taper. So, the $1,000,000 questions now is, Do I Pick It Up Tomorrow, Or Do I Leave It At The Pharmacy?????

[troubleinohio]

how long has it been since your last dose now? Im not really sure on the time frame of when you *could* have a seizure after abruptly stopping tramadol...not sure there is any documentation on that..maybe some of the other "trammies" on the forum can help you- i know there are a lot of people here with problems with tram...if you are past the "safe"point of not having a seizure from stopping them so fast, then Id say no, dont get that refill.  However if there is still a chance of that happening, i would say get them and do a slow taper with them..keep us posted

[NautyOne]

Look, in reality.......If you have the refills.......Your gonna get them.  It all sounds nice to say "call the pharmacy and tell them to cancel"  "Don't pick them up, your past the seizure point" sorry trouble, luv ya.... But, the reality is you probably will cause you feel like poop in a hand basket.  

Here's the deal.  Only you can make that decision.  I find it amazing that you are even at work.  All I am thinking is what a high dose you are on.  If you can work and tolerate what is going on, then I say don't get them...Realistically, you probably will so you will need to taper......

How long has it been since you took your last pill ??

luv
nauty.................

[sammie02]

My last dose was 10 of them on Monday night... I have been without them all day yesterday (and felt fine), and all day today (and feeling hopeless!). Last night was a little difficult...

So, please, if there is anyone that knows more about this drug and the seizures that can be associated with them, let me know!!!

[izzy_b]

Hi Sammie02...   I was just cruising through this forum, as a reminder to myself of the reasons to NEVER go back to the way I was when I saw your post.

I remember like it was yesterday (clean 3 years) the horrible awful withdrawl, but I got through it.  

If you think of it like I did, it may help...  Every minute that passes since your last dose it a minute you won't have to go through again.  If you are already 2 days without, then you are 2 days closer to feeling normal again.  No more counting pills and days, no more worry about running out.  Have you ever stopped to think about the amount of time you spend counting?

If you are strong enough to leave them at the pharmacy, then LEAVE THEM!

You can get through this.  God knows if I did it, anyone can.  I am weak, and I too loved my pills.  I just didn't want to EVER feel that crappy again.  The withdrawl symptoms alone were enough to make me realize that if I started up again, I'd just have to relive the whole thing over again the next time I ran out.

Good luck to you...

[avisg]

I AGREE if you are off then DO NOT PICK UP YOUR REFILL how many were you taking and for how long .you can get off them I have been there I have been tramadol clean for over two years you can do it too.

[NautyOne]

Very nice Post.....

[sammie02]

Well, good morning all... and thanks for all of the support. Well, today is D-Day... Day 3. I am at work, trying to not think of how terrible I feel... Think happy thoughts... Happy thoughts... :)
I had another really rough night last night, and maybe slept a total of an hour and a half... You all know the sweats, the creepy crawly legs, the stomach pain, and all... But I think I have made the decision to try to get through this weekend WITHOUT my pills. He!!, its been three whole days, and if I can only get myself through a few more, according to what I have read here, it will be easier than it is now. I figure I know how I am going to be if I do get the refill... I will take it as prescribed for a few doses, and then I will be back to taking a handfull with my other sleepy time medications, and I will have gone through all of this for nothing. So, I guess I should prepare you all for a few more posts in the next few days... Since I will probably need to hear positive things from others to keep me from going back on my word! So, thank you all again for all of the advice and positive thinking... You haev given me the strength to go forward without these pills!

[leeisgettingclean]

good luck! you are strong and can get through this

[NautyOne]

Holy Mary...Mother of God !!......You are a beast Sammie...lol.  3 days is awesome!  and being able to work???....thats amazing!!  If you can call your pharmacy and Cancel those refills....you should.  I woulda be picking them things up in a New York minute.  Along with every other addict I know.  

Super duper job.  Keep up the good work.

BTW .....Izzy.......I messed up...I was giving the high 5 to your post to sammie.....it was a great post......

~~peace & strength~~
nauty........

[NorcoQueenoftheUniverse]

You can DO THIS sweetie.. You have Already come SOOOOO far!  
Try and remember that:

EVERYDAY THAT YOU DON'T USE IS A BETTER DAY THEN WHEN YOU DO!  

(that "statement' helps me EVERYDAY in my recovery)

We all love ya out here in MedHelp land... and please keep posting as it really helps to POUND the KEYBOARD~

[flmagi]

This is a extremely monumental decision you have made. Way to go !!!!!!! You decided to take your life back. Now call the pharmacy and cancel that script. Keep posting, everyone will help you get thru this.
Stay strong.

[avisg]

Sammie I think you are doing great .another few days and you will be over the hump plz dont keep putting your self threw this I will guarantee every time you WD from the tram it get worse so stop now .the first time I stoped its cuz I didn't have a choice I had no way to get them .The second time I did it knowing I could get it within 24 hours anytime THATS why I stopped .That was two years ago .I wont lie some days I still crave them.Then I remember what I have been threw and all it would take was one pill to set it all in motion again .Next time the outcome might be worse ..If you ever want to pm send me a message I will help anyway I can. I have been right in your shoes.

[sammie02]

I just wanted to thank everyone for their kind words and encouragement... I went ahead and called the pharmacy, and cancelled the refill... Especially since I have to go and pick up some other meds today. I will be more confident going in to pick up the others if I know the tramadol is not ready. Phew, I am soooo scared, but as you all have said, it has already been 3 days... and I NEVER want to go through this again in my life! I might take a day off tomorrow, since I found out that I have a couple days of sick pay available... I am really struggling to make it through the day today. Just can't wait to get home... Thank Goodness my condo complex has a jacuzzi! :)
Thank you all again. I will be posting (probably) a LOT this weekend for some much-needed encouragement to not call them in again!

[sammie02]

Well, here it is... Friday. Went to the pharmacy yesterday after work, and only picked up my Seasonique... left without asking for my tramadol refill to be reinstated. I do have to say that I am pretty darn proud of myself! Had a little bit of a rough night last night, but took some Tylenol Simply Sleep, and was able to get a little more rest than I have gotten for the past few nights. Feeling better this morning, too. Just a little nauseous, and a little creepy crawly skin (which is the WORST!), but that's about it. My mind feels kinda cloudy, but being here at work kinda helps with that. At least I am busy all day! :)

Just wanted to say thank you all again, Ga Guy, troubleinohio, Mikeinthesouth, NautyOne, Beargizmo, leeisgettingclean, izzy_b, avisg, NorcoQueen, and flmagi. You all have been a great inspiration to me... And hopefully by posting to others, letting them know that they are not alone, I can follow in you footsteps and help others as well!

Thank you... from the bottom of my heart.

[flmagi]

Wow! You did really great and were sooo strong to cancel that script! Keep going and keep posting. Some times the weekend is a little slow but there's usually someone around. Now I hate to say this but you really need to know.....Once you get passed the physical withdrawals, then comes the hard part....the mental stuff. BE PREPARED !!!!! Your mind is gonna start playing tricks on you to get you to use again. It will say things like, "Oh, just a few, I won't get like I was before", "Fill the script, just in case", or "Oh I'm having such a bad day, I need them".
Don't fall for the tricks. The really hard part is coming, when your mind battles itself.
Stay strong and post, post, post.
Congrats to you!!!!