clean

[narla]

140 days clean,does it matter?

[allaboutmary]

Of course it matters.  That is a HUGE accomplishment. You should be very proud !

[narla]

Just feeling that been clean isn't doing anything to keep feelings and emotions in balance

[flmagi]

It's not unusual for feelings and emotions to be rather intense and messed-up for a little while after getting clean, but you should be feeling much better by now at 140 days. These emotions may be part of the core problem that got you started abusing to begin with, which means you may need to seek some help to resolve and deal with them. OR, sometimes the brain doesn't fully kick back in after quiting and you may need some anti-depressants for a little while. This happened to me and caused me to relapse. I so wish I had gotten on anti-depressants then. It would have saved me a lot of time, money and anguish. Please find a way to deal with these feelings and emotions and not use them as a reason to start using again.
Congrats on 140 days!  Find a way to keep going!

[avisg]

narla having you been to any meetings yet ???? you have a few diffrent things going on all at the same times and its really going to effect your emotions and you are going to need a whole lot of support I can here the sadness of coruse 140 days is a BIG deal   but I want you to feel it to ......
avis

[rod44]

Hi narla, I know some of your story. Yes it matters you deserve this. You beat the odds here. You are a surviver and you can continue to be a surviver with out Drugs & Drink. Look at the POSITIVES, look at how far you have come in such a short time. Don't give up on this.

[dominosarah]

Yes it matters Narla.  140 days is something to be very proud of.  It seems we get very inpatient after we clean up and we expect everything to be just great right off the bat. Narla you and i are about the same age and we have many demons that began at an early age.  Try and be patient and know each day that you are clean is another move in the right direction.  Recovery is a slow process and that is okay.  Remember baby steps.......Congrats girl!!!             sara

[narla]

It just doesn't mean anything to me-everyone says 140 days congrats,well done,you should be proud, I just don't feel it,Sometimes all the accolades sound condescending.I don't feel anything.  Denise-Thanks for your reply  

[dominosarah]

Well Narla i am sorry you feel that way.  Hopefully at some point you will feel it.  sara

[PromisedLand]

I was very happy to hear folks well wishes when I hit a week, a month,a year and so on...we come here for the help and support of people who really care and when the people they (or we) help are successful we are naturally going to be very happy for them...There are many to this very day (some 2 years later {with a minor set back} ) I wish I could hug and hug and hug...

I'm sure Narla one day you'll reach the point where you'll look back and see where you were and where you are and 1) be very proud of yourself and 2)be very proud of yourself and 3) think of one or 2 people who in someway helped you along whether they knew it or not...There certainly is no condecension from us....

and there's nothing wrong with the way you feel now, either.


Jim

[narla]

Everything is so confusing,10yrs ago I gave up cigarettes C/T and replaced them with an addiction to collecting things,then I gave up alcohol and codeine C/T and have replaced them with 2 new addictions.When does life become normal with no addictions at all.I can stop using and it doesn't bother me,It's the replacements that bother me.Denise

[narla]

Thank you for validating my feelings, It's something I can't help it just is what it is,I want to feel but I can't.I think I've been hurt too many times and if I don't feel then nothing can hurt me,actions hurt but sometimes words hurt more than you realise.You think you've dealt with things but you haven't and it eats away at you until your lost in yourself,I'm sick of being hurt.that's why I ask myself if the 140 days matters when so much more is going on.People say get over it forget things that have been said but it eats away at your soul and then you feel your nothing.
  

[avisg]

Then get to the bottom of your addiction you already know what lies there .Besides getting help for that you have to get straight addiction help or you are just going to conitue to swap one thing for another you have to be the one to decided when you have had enough you may not be at that point yet ....When you get there i bet its going to have some recovery care involved.

[rod44]

There is a difference between stopping and true sobriety, many stop but never find sobriety, happiness or peace of mind. For me the only way to get sober was a twelve step program. I made many excuses not to go to AA. It comes down to how much you want sobriety how far you are prepared to go to get it.

Ray

[avisg]

ray good post I personally dont do aa but anykind of good addiction recoverycare is what you HAVE to have ..

[narla]

The replacement addictions have nothing to do with using or abusing anything,Like I said It's collecting things,going to the gym,and something I'd rather not say but no substance abuse .

[pharma9]

What 2 new addictions do you have now?I replaced my codeine addiction with a computer addiction but I do not think it is a harmful addiction.My family chuckles at my new addiction.I have been eating a little more now and have gained about 6 pounds,but I don't really class it as an addiction.As long as we replace bad addictions with good ones what's the problem?Just don't get into gambling or shopping.Even exercise addiction is not necessarily bad.You have done a phenomenal job in kicking 2 addictions and are probably just feeling a letdown feeling from the initial excitement of success.I love to read about your success story narla.You done good kid...

[dominosarah]

The replacement addictions have everything to do with this.  Its a cycle that has to be broken and only until then will you find that peace.  We say over and over on these forums that you have to face your demons, deal with them and then find a place for them.  That doesnt mean it happens overnight.  You gotta start letting some of this go but as long as you are in this frame of mind you will keep finding replacement addictions.  sara

[PromisedLand]

Narla, I won't comment further but I fully understand....see PM


Jim

[rod44]

Thanks Avisg, I agree, I use AA and this is my choice. There are many good programs out there. Sobriety is not going to come to you, you must find it...The road to sobriety is not an easy one but active addiction is so much worse

Ray

[pharma9]

Oops..must have posted just after you did.Stop worrying about those new addictions..and just enjoy them..they are harmless.We love you and follow all your successes.I am over 120 days codeine free and have an inner peace with myself.I feel very little guilt....maybe just a little...about eating more than I should and not exercising enough...Shucks i guess,we can't go through life without some kind of guilt imagined or otherwise.

[avisg]

addiction is addiction the substance ( or whatever it might be ) is just a symptom .I have crossed addictions more then I can count it was not until I got down to the root of addiction was I truly sober and I still have to watch myself all of the time to make sure I dont start something new and I have to see the addiction therapist and it been over two years .

[narla]

Thank You everyone who helped me get through a dark feeling of mixed up emotions,Hopefully It was a short lived pity party,I will never start drinking or taking codeine againe it was the other stuff getting me down its been eating at me for days now,so when I realised it was 140 days I went into negative mode,(poor me) I'll be stronger for it when I finally get through it.But again Thank You to everyone For your kind words and the a$$ kicks.  Denise

Avisg and Dominosarah-good A$$ kicking,your really good at it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[avisg]

yeah that's what we get the BIGBUCKS for ....LMAOOOOOO (we volunteer)

[dominosarah]

Glad you are feeling better narla.  Some call it tough love others a$$ kicking!!!  I still get mine kicked too when i need it.          sara