creating happiness with pills

[Some_life1976]

so i have been clean for a couple of weeks!! but sence then my boyfriend (of 9 years) and i have been fighting like crazy we have had problems for at least a year mostley because i feel like hes never here (he owns a tree srevice) and when hs is i feel like i dont get the Attention  from him that i want. he never talks to me about his day or the kids or whats going on he comes home eats showers talks on the phone puts the baby down and we have sex and he thinks thats enough. well is isnt for me i want to feel appreciated  i want to feel loved i want him to think about my needs and ask how i am doing i want him to help me more around the house with the kids and when i ask or try to tell him how i feel it turns inti a fight and he says i am being selfish cause he busts his *** all day to keep money comeing in to pay bills. then i just shout down. see i used to be able to run to my little helper and create happiness that wasnt there really but i dont want to do that anymore so two days ago i told him i just couldnt do this anymore and i an moveing out. and of corse its all my falut and i am still useing and i dont even have the energy to fight about it i just want to be happy and loved anyway i am sorry just needed to vent alittle and get some reminders of why i qutie useing. Thanks

[Some_life1976]

i agree with you whitie i want this to work i will talk to him tonight about going to see a counsler i hope he is willing to do that i do love him but right now i am not in love with him. and the last 4 months when we fight he says very hurtful disrespectful things to me and he has never ever done that before. I am the type of person who does not like to fight but when we are i try to stay calm and not tell i dont want my kids to get upset be he yells so loud and has started calling me names and just saying really hurtful things to me i have never put up with that from anyome let alone my husband i think respect and trust are the most important things in a realationship and i think we have lost both of them

[whitie]

as hard as we work to free ourselves from our addictions.  a couple should definitely do everything in their power to save their mariage.


the erosion of the family unit, is one of americas biggest problems......

[Some_life1976]

THANKS  WHITE! I think maybe we should try counseling first we have 2 boys together and i have two boys with my X i dont want to throw away 9 years with out trying everything i can first thanl you to all who responed to me in my time of need your the best

[whitie]

wd's can make us really moody. sometimes there is good time to address issues, and other times it not. I mean you have to be totally objective. perhaps because you were happy on the pills, he just has developed a routine that now suddenly looks like he dont care. I asume hes aware of your recovery process and keep in mind it takes awhile to get your energy and motivation back.

that is a tough job that he does, I mean he is got to be tired when he gets home. but its no excuse to not be warm and loving.  us guys often get in ruts, hopefully he will realize that he needs to be husband first and foremost. from your side of things, he comes off as inconsiderate.  your situation is not uncommon with all mariages.

some say counseling is the way to go. but that wont help if he or you dont care. you need to work things out, that baby needs a good home !!

[Axl_0113]

Well...I do agree that you shouldn't try to make any life-changing descisions right now- so soon in the recovery.  

Now...having said that-  I also believe that we former users used for many different reasons.  One of which (im my case anyways) was to avoid certain problems.  I used to avoid problems in my life, relationships, work, etc.  Now that I am clean, I am starting to see things a little differently.  Things that I put off for so long becuase the drugs made me "happy" about them, and then there are things that seemed like big problems when I was using, and now that I am clean, they don't seem like such big problems anymore.  So I can see both sides of the coin here.  

You DO deserve to be happy.  You DO deserve to be loved unconditionally.  That's what a meaningful relationship is all about.  Only you know your man well enough to know if things will get better.  Only you know how you honstly feel about him.  I say that if you think that the drugs were making you happy about a bad situation, and now that you are clean, you see that the problems are still there...then seek happiness by all means.  Just be careful, darlin.  You are sooo new into your recovery......please don't make a descision that you will end up regretting later in life.

God bless you!  You will be in my prayers tonight.

[Some_life1976]

thank you both so much and i am not sure if its the wds makeing this disision or if its me. but i do know i havent been happy with him in a very long time! i am not blammeing my drug use on him but ehrn i was useing i didnt have to think about our realionship everything was great you know, but now fresh out of the daze i am well aware of the fact that we have had some huge problen\ms for a long time and when i try to talk to him he has this way about him that makes everything my fault. its my falut the house is aways a mess couse i dont make the kids do enough its my fault he doesnt talk to me cause i am always in a bad mood its my fault that i always stressed out cause i dont know how to say no to people i really JUST WANT TO BE WITH SOMEONE WHO PUTS ME FIRST ONCE IN AWHILE someone who makes me feel like a queen once in while someone who really cares how i feel once in awhile i dont know i just want too be happy

[Astray]

Cleaning up can reveal stuff we didn't know was there but WD makes everything look worse than it is. I can't know your situation but as 10356 said try not to make any unreversable decisions right now as your head will be all over the place.

I'm on day 20 here and some days are great others I could get miserable winning the lottery. Main thing is stay clean, well done on the two weeks, it will get better.

[NorcoQueenoftheUniverse]

Sweet pea.. You've GOT to FIND your OWN HAPPINESS!  With or without him...

Only you can be the judge of that one...

Please know that USING will NOT find you ANY happiness... Only the dephts of disspare..(my spelling is Horrible)  

So.. BUCK UP and FIGURE out what you want to do with your life....???? USE (drugs).. be ABUSED.... or..... BE HAPPY...??? Life is TOOO short.. and the OLDER you get the more you will see that...Please....Don't "Wish your life away" cuz.... it will happen BEFORE you know it...LIVE IT!

I used to WISH my life away ALL the time..
"Oh.. I WISH I was 16... Oh... I WISH I was 18.. Oh.. I WISH I was 21... Oh.. I WISH I hadn't WISHED that...cus it's HERE!"

BUT.... my BIGGEST WISH was that I WISH I WASN'T A DRUG ADDICT!

You can Be a drug addict or you can live your life to the fullest!  The choice is yours and you have SOOOOO much to live for....

[10356]

I'm very sorry for what you are going through.. Congrats on 2 weeks !! Happiness comes in time for ourselves.. we have numbed our pain and joys for so long with meds. It takes awhile for the brain to start producing the feel good endorphins naturally again. You are entitled to how you feel but if I may add it is not always a good idea to make life altering decisions while so soon into recovery as our brains are still trying to rewiring themselves.. I was a stay at home mom for over 2 decades it was probably the hardest thing I have ever done in the beginning and getting clean when your world revolves around your children home and guy it is difficult to find our own Happiness.. keep venting reaching out to the forum.. and I really hope things work themselves out for you and your family.. lesa