Very Sick Child, Hate my husband, Relapse

[troubleinohio]

this has been the day from HELLL here!! omg! This is first time ive been able to sit down since this morning here and i still havent ate yet and dont think i could anyways Im so worked up. Where do i even start...my 5 year old son who the dr. diagnosed with tonsillitis last week but was doing very well with it (as in having no major symptoms), woke up late this morning very sick! He was running a fever, had peed his bed, and his throat hurting so bad that he was hysterical. Crying, kicking, slapping his head and ears real hard- jsut absolutely freaking out in a panic attack because not only did it hurt so much but he could hardly swallow. He actually said to me MOM TAKE ME TO THE DOCTOR THIS IS THE WORST THING EVER I FEEL LIKE IM GONNA BE DEAD FROM THIS!!!  

i tell you what that is something that will strike fear in a mothers heart like nothing will!   this child couldnt eat food or drink even it hurt so much. So i call his doctor and they say they can see him at 11:30.  He wanted to leave an hour before that even, begged me to take him , thats how miserable he was!  During all of this, i noticed the husband's truck parked out in the back woods of our yard, he came back home (we split up recently, if you are new to my neverending hellish story of my life) So then i had him to deal with on top of all of this and he is saying dont take him to the doctor, he will be fine. He's just being overly dramatic blah blah blah. I told him to EFFF OFF and took my son to the doctor. His tonsils are now swollen even more than before, and are badly infected now with pustules on them. So he changes his antiboitic from amoxicillin to Penicillin VK?   and sends on our way. I get home and try and find my mom and aunt to see if they will watch tthe kids so i can go down and sign up for health care for them (i have a hard time finding someone to watch the kids so i can do anything)....thats a no go indefinitely, dont know when they can watch the kids for me this week.

And now they are both catching colds on top of this. coughing, sneezing, runny noses, fevers, crabby....And i need to go to the store yet tonight to get boxes of tissues and cough syrup for them, and again, no one to watch them. ONe is sleeping now after i gave them both a bath. If i wake him up he will be crying non stop and cant take to the store like that. I dont want to take them out to the stoer anyways being sick...spreading germs, and they feel so crappy. I am about ready to rip my hair out strand by single strand here. husband left again and is even madder now that i took him to the doctor, yelling that there goes my weeks money for groceries. he is the biggest assshole ever and right now I think I hate him. And i have more bad news, during all this stress today, i used again. I took some vicodin when we got back home. so ive once again relapased. dont know why i even did it, it just makes me feel sick and pukey now anyways and it sure doesnt solve any problems, just creates more, so wh y the helll did i do it???
well i gotta go, have to take care of the kids here. thanks for listening if you made it this far in my book      

[kim715]

You,ve got alot on your plate right now and so you had a little stumble today,brush yourself off and get back in the saddle.Tomorrows a new day and I hope those babies feel better real soon.Lots of Love.

[SFgirll853]

You did the right thing by taking him to the doctor.  It is so difficult to be a mommy on days like this and you are doing a great job.

[worried878]

Just let it go and get back on track...money for vicodens is not what needs to be spent right now..and u r right..it does make you feel even worse...u need a clear head to deal with what is on your plate..if u have any more of them...flush em

[sadinmichigan]

Oh honey..i wish i new all the right words to say. i do however understand all to well the "hellish nightmare that is my life". I am glad you took your son to the Dr.. wish i was closer..i'd babysit for you..You only relapse if you keep taking them..Tomarrow is a new day. Don't take anymore.You have come so far..You are in my thoughts always..I know it's hard but things will get better..(at least thats what I have heard and tell myself) they can always be worse..I gotta keep that in mind always..keep your chin up
Much love to you
lisa

[imrprod]

It sounds like you had a really bad time...Do you attend meetings?  I needed to learn how to cope with life to get sober 7 years ago.  I attended meetings and was doing great.  I stopped going to meetings and started using within months. I am just now trying to get sober this time from pills..before it was alcohol and coke.  I have kids and work and know how hard it can be.  My son is driving me crazy and he feels fine.  Find some meetings in your area I swear if you really get into it it can save your sanity and your life.  You will meet great people just like you and learn how to deal without drugs.  I hope I can stay sober and never walk away from meetings again..it has been hell.

[corey411]

The important thing is to learn from that, get right back off them before you have to wd again. Get back  on the same path. We will always be faced with problems. Part of our recovery needs to be seeing we are strong enough to deal with life wo the pills.....and we can...you can. You will gain strength and confidence in yourself. Just look at sadinmichigan. She's gone through so much and kept it all together. I will pray that you have the strength to get through this. Corey

[CadillacJack]

Don't let taking a few get you down. It ain't the end. Just pick it back up from here.