why is it so hard to stay clean

[jim281]

So ive used heroin with my wife for first time 2 years ago, and everything you would expect happend all the way up to me losing my job of 8 years and getting asscoiated with the criminal system for the first time.  And to make a very long story short ultimitaly i was sentece to the Monday Theraputic Rehablitation Community and my wife got brain damage and is in nursing home(her condition is bad and she wont ever be released).  I successfully completed the program and was released on Aug. 11th.  This was my first rehab and first time getting clean and i was back with my 3 yr old son and i was high on life and doing very well.  Because my wife was not around (physically), the heroin wasnt even an option!  It never crossed my mind AT ALL.  I am working and spending time with family and life was good, with the exception of my guilt towards my wife.  Then two weeks ago heroin made an apperence around me,  and i rationalized to myself that i could do it just this one time.  And i did it just that once,  but then about a week later i used again.  Then it just took control of me and out of nowhere i was using everyday, this was a week ago.  And then it progress to the needle.  It all happen so quick i didn't even realize what was happing until it was all over.  Now i tried to stop and im dope sick already!!!!!!!!  Ive only been using for just over 2 weeks and I DONT WANT THIS!  What do I do to clean up but not interupt work or my son.  What kind of support do I need to keep around myself?

[whitie]

first of all tough love is inorder like nauty said, there is nothing else to say. I am sorry to hear your story, its good that you are sharing it. hopefully these kids nowadays will read this stuff and realize what a nightmare smack is.

you obviously have not torched all your connections.  if someone came to you, and offered the heroin, and they knew what happened to you guys, then they need to get arrested or their @zz beat. now if you searched it out...........prove to yourself now, that you are serious and burn that connection down to the ground today!

take the advise that the gals gave here. your mistake was rationalizing use which is one of teh most common mistakes addicts use. I did it a bunch of times. I had to get slapped in the face many times before I woke up. but what happened to you and your loved one, is like 50 face slaps!

I could go on and explain the end results which is you laying in a jail cell, flopping around like a fish in agony, to an even worse fate..........but you already know it.

sorry bro, but it the only way to go

[jim281]

thanks for everybodies responses it really helps me out emotionaly.  Today i used this morning cause i didn't want to work sick,  but work was cancelled so i am gonna start detoxing today and hope to god i make it to monday morning without using.  I want "me" back so bad and i don't understand how i can geniunly want something so bad but yet its so so hard to accuire because of this stupid drug.  I need all the support i can get, please give some words of encouragement or the hard truth to set me straight!!  I am very gratefull for everybodies care for my problem that i put myself into.  Thanks again

[mtgoat911]

i hope they gave you a relaspe pervention plan, all patients leaving treatment should sit down with someone and do one of these

[mtgoat911]

i am so sorry to hear about your wife, i wish you guys found recovery before this happened, atleast your son has a parent that can get clean and stay clean
there are several books on how to quit herion but they all require 12step involvement, herion addicts have the lowest numbers when it comes to stopping this drug of choice
i have been clean for 5ys, i am here if you need to talk, i was unable to find the treatment center you went to online, can you tell me about the theory behind the center, what type of after care did they offer? did they suggest na?

[Ella789]

Yes, I am proud for you too man.   It took alot to get off the first time and prob. will this time but you know that you won't die while detoxing.  It will just feel like you will but it is doable.  Two weeks of useing is not like 4 or 6 mos.   Do this for yourself and get clean and this will help replace what your wife can not be able to do.  You do need to do this for you first of all  and your child will need your support emotionaly and physicaly,   there is not good time to kick but if you have a weekend, then start on Friday and use the weekend to get into it.  Keep busy and keep focused.  You can do this and there will be someone here that cares too.
Best wishes
E

[NautyOne]

First of all.......I am soooo sorry to hear about your wife.  My heart breaks for you and your son.

Now......as far as your excuses....You know the drill, and don't say you don't.  You need to clean up your act for that child who is now deprived of a mother because of what you are doing right now.  Be dope sick and think about your wife, your child and your life.

Get into a support group...whatever you have to do.  This is not about you.  Is one tragedy not enough for you to get it......I'm sorry.  If I had kind soft words to make you feel better ......I would use them, but I don't ......there is a child that needs you, and a mom that will never be able to love you or him again.......

Please, don't take my words as harsh....they are, I know, but what else can you say?...that child need his daddy.....Period!!

Please keep us posted and may God bless you and your Child.

Luv,
Nauty..............