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2009 The Worst & Best year of my Life
This time last year, my doctor told me he was leaving his practice. There would be no more refills. Time to stop because I knew I could not find another dr to give me the 400 Oxy 40mgs each month, that I had gotten for the last several years. Little did I know then the extent of the problems to come. However, about a month later I started to see just what I had gotten myself into.
To all of the newbies, who are just starting, my advise to you is for you to make the decision to stop and never even let the thought of failure even enter your mind. This is a process that you should only go thru once in a life time. You will go thru it sooner or later, or you will die. Now is the time, not later. Later only means it will be harder and longer.
I spent 10-12 years getting myself into the situation that I found myself in. I have paid dearly for each of those years.
However, there IS light at the end of the tunnel and its not a train. Its life, reality, feelings ( both good and bad ), emotions that you cant even imagine while using. Life is good, off drugs. Get off the drugs and into NA. Its a must.
I waited about 7-8 months before I started NA, Big Mistake. There is no substitute for one addict helping another.
I dont comply with all of the NA guidelines, but thats ok. NA is for anyone with the desire to quit.
There is no doubt that I will look back on 2009 as the worst year of my life. There is also no doubt that I will look back and see it as the best year as well. Its the year I decided to live again. There is no doubt in my mind that had I not stopped when I did, that I would not be here today to write this. Do yourself a huge favor for the new year to come:
Say No More to Drugs. They are draining you of every ounce of life in your body. Ours lives are worth so much more than we sometimes think. Give yourself a chance to experience it again. My best to all that are suffering and to all that are recovering. May God Bless and Keep you All. Guv
To all of the newbies, who are just starting, my advise to you is for you to make the decision to stop and never even let the thought of failure even enter your mind. This is a process that you should only go thru once in a life time. You will go thru it sooner or later, or you will die. Now is the time, not later. Later only means it will be harder and longer.
I spent 10-12 years getting myself into the situation that I found myself in. I have paid dearly for each of those years.
However, there IS light at the end of the tunnel and its not a train. Its life, reality, feelings ( both good and bad ), emotions that you cant even imagine while using. Life is good, off drugs. Get off the drugs and into NA. Its a must.
I waited about 7-8 months before I started NA, Big Mistake. There is no substitute for one addict helping another.
I dont comply with all of the NA guidelines, but thats ok. NA is for anyone with the desire to quit.
There is no doubt that I will look back on 2009 as the worst year of my life. There is also no doubt that I will look back and see it as the best year as well. Its the year I decided to live again. There is no doubt in my mind that had I not stopped when I did, that I would not be here today to write this. Do yourself a huge favor for the new year to come:
Say No More to Drugs. They are draining you of every ounce of life in your body. Ours lives are worth so much more than we sometimes think. Give yourself a chance to experience it again. My best to all that are suffering and to all that are recovering. May God Bless and Keep you All. Guv
Where do I start. I now can feel my body. I have emotions. I'm no longer a zombie, just waiting around for my next dose. I am beginning to be able to have friends again. During my addiction, I put as much distance as possible between myself and everyone. I was with my family daily, but only in proximity. I never wanted to do anything with or for them. It was always about me. Addicts are very self centered. When problems arise we look for the easiest way out for ourselves, not others.. I now want to help others. I dont know how I can, but the desire is there. I am closer to God, closer to my wife, closer to my son and actually have started to do things outside of the house with other people. Humans were designed to be social creatures, not recluses.
The list goes on and on. If you have any further specific questions, please feel free to ask. I hope your new year brings clarity in the direction you need to go. I can only tell you from my experience, I was taking so much Oxy that I would have never thought I could be this happy today without any pain meds. Best of Luck, Guv.
The list goes on and on. If you have any further specific questions, please feel free to ask. I hope your new year brings clarity in the direction you need to go. I can only tell you from my experience, I was taking so much Oxy that I would have never thought I could be this happy today without any pain meds. Best of Luck, Guv.
Can you tell me the benefits/what areas and ways you are happier? I wonder if I can truly be happy. I was on here and got off my hydrocodone of 15 years for fibromyalgia. But my pain got to me and I'm back on them again. I was only free 1 week. I feel like just giving up on the battle and accepting that I need to stay on them.
Thanx for your post. It really was inspiring.
Thanx for your post. It really was inspiring.
Thanks to all for the positive comments. I have come to realize after going thru this year that once you are thru the physical and most of the mental issues, it basically comes down to your desire to be happy and move forward rather than backwards. Thru my new friends in NA I have learned that I can choose to be happy and not dwell on the past and my aches and pains. Now when I feel a wave of anxiety coming over me, I try to smile and remember that I am feeling what God is giving me. I can now embrace the good and the bad. I wish you all the best for 2010, please remember who you are tonight. You are an addict. Dont get caught up in the BS and let down your guard.
And mama23babies, I am praying for you and your family and hope your surgery goes well and helps get you back to where you want to be. My best to all. Guv
And mama23babies, I am praying for you and your family and hope your surgery goes well and helps get you back to where you want to be. My best to all. Guv
You deserve to have your life back. I love reading your posts and messages. They are always so encouraging. If it wasn't for finding you in the beginning of my recovery I don't know where I would be. You kept me staight when I wanted to use and I want to thank you for that. I hope 2010 brings you everything you deserve... A life being clean.
Thank you for sharing that guv!
Not where you are at but I have finally realized what these things are doing to me. I have found myself bankrupt emotionally & spiritually. I missed my grand-daughters 1st birthday because I was going thru my 1st cold turkey withdraw. They live about 2 hrs from me so I used that as an excuse. Which is all it was because my parents who live in the same town and are twice my age went to her birthday party. I have never got over the guilt.
I have missed out on a lot of other things but that has really stuck in me. My elderly parents only live about 10 min from me. Many times in the past 5 yrs of taking pills my Mom has asked me to go out to lunch or whatever with her and I would decline because I was either too high or I just didn't have the energy. Very sad at all the time missed. Time is something we can't get back. Time with loved ones especially.
I have an elderly dr and the thought has crossed my mind on more than one occasion, what will happen to me when my dr retires. Don't have many drs around here that will continue to give me what I have been getting. No matter how much or how bad my pain is.
That was a great post! Very well put guv. Best of luck to you!
Not where you are at but I have finally realized what these things are doing to me. I have found myself bankrupt emotionally & spiritually. I missed my grand-daughters 1st birthday because I was going thru my 1st cold turkey withdraw. They live about 2 hrs from me so I used that as an excuse. Which is all it was because my parents who live in the same town and are twice my age went to her birthday party. I have never got over the guilt.
I have missed out on a lot of other things but that has really stuck in me. My elderly parents only live about 10 min from me. Many times in the past 5 yrs of taking pills my Mom has asked me to go out to lunch or whatever with her and I would decline because I was either too high or I just didn't have the energy. Very sad at all the time missed. Time is something we can't get back. Time with loved ones especially.
I have an elderly dr and the thought has crossed my mind on more than one occasion, what will happen to me when my dr retires. Don't have many drs around here that will continue to give me what I have been getting. No matter how much or how bad my pain is.
That was a great post! Very well put guv. Best of luck to you!
our stories are very similar. I haven't been here long but your the first I have heard of with 10 years of use. I could say exactly all that and all of it fact. Some of the posts make me think.... they are worried over a month of percocet???? Then I occurs to me that it anit over till its over and pray they do take it serious so they don't waste as many years or run themselves with in an inch of death as I did. Glad you made it. I too have had emotions that I never have had before. I laughed and cryed out loud at the same time. Didn't know that was possible. Great to be alive! I am not as far along as you are and am on suboxone, so I have some catching up to do. I just started a taper 2 days ago.
Thanks so much for sharing this. I needed to hear it. I have 19 precious days and I don't want to go back!!
Wish you the best.
Wish you the best.
COMMUNITY LEADER
What a great post guv. May you continue on your path of freedom and may it be rich and rewarding~~~~sara
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