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1135275 tn?1586565652

~Chatter~

Hey everyone,

The forum has been unusually slow the past few months. It's still a mystery to me how the place has become so quiet, but I thought I'd just put an opportunity out to brag about some clean time, vent about some struggles, or anything in between. How are people doing?

I've got a year from barbiturates, 3+ months from alcohol, and 2+ months from benzos. Woohoo! My only complaint is lack of sleep. AA on Zoom has helped me a lot though.

Hope to hear from some of you :)

~mm
4 Responses
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Avatar universal
     Wow !!!! I have never talked online to anyone about anything in my life, but this is amazing to see!!  I am

struggling badly with the worst benzo on earth (we all know what that is) mixed with heavy black out drinking, and

adderall, and sleeping pills and anything to get me social and not caring. But im looking for advice from people

who have been through this.  I am losing everything over this. I cant keep a boyfriend bc im crazy when I black out

apparently.. I say very mean things and dont remember. Its to the point where I hide my phone from myslef when I

know im about to be at that level so I dont say anything too ugly to the wrong people on a rampage .  I want out of

this cycle so badly.  I am 41 years old and have so much potential to do great things. Im blessed with youth and

brains and motivation...But this little devil won't leave my life! Please help me to not be so discouraged and give me

a little guidance on how to make a life change and make it stick like you have :)  ! Its harder than I thought :/  Days

seem so long and hard trying to come off things and no-one to help or support me really .  Its consuming me and

giving me the worst anxiety. I see no end in sight.  Been struggling since I was 22 so a long time .  Just now realizing

its time to get this chapter behind me before I end up really with nothing and no one. I cant live this way anymore.

It sucks...and I feel like an outcast, and like 'im so crazy amongst all these normal relaxed people, who dont see why

im so hung up on this. I envy everyone else's calm outlook on life while im stuck daily obsessing over my

addictions and if Im ever going to be able to walk amongst the happy normal people again. Im isolating myself bc I

feel weak and stupid. And I get depressed bc days become months and years and I dont do anything fun anymore.  

Just get ****** up all the time, and if I did have fun who cares bc i dont even remember anyways. I want to join my

friends I dont have one day soon and be a happy individual.  Make the most of life and this isn't it. The fact that i

am young and full of spirit and have no friends says it all.  Im wasting away. :( Please give me some advice
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I don’t know what made me come here today.. I guess on a rainy Memorial Day weekend I became reflective after watching a documentary on HBO about the opioid crisis called “Crime of the Century”... it triggered me on thinking about the path I took to sobriety for some reason and this page was a huge part of it. I’ve been clean for a long time now from a pretty big roxy habit. During those times I would come here to read, learn, and try to help others as I navigated the rocky road to recovery relapsing then putting together a few months then relapsing again, so on and so on... Then it just clicked, i relapsed then got back on the horse AGAIN and and never went back.. weird, how all of a sudden I just stopped..  Believe me, I’m not questioned it, I’m not complaining and IT WASN’T EASY but for some reason it clicked and I’m thankful, great full, and whatever other word or words of gratification you can think of would describe how I feel about breaking the insidious cycle of opioid addiction.  I’ll tell you one thing,  a small piece of it always stays with you but it WILL become manageable I guess the best way to describe it is as a reversal of dominance, meaning you become the master of  it INSTEAD of it being the master of you.. it takes time and patience like anything else in life but ITS SOOOOO WORTH IT.. I don’t count my time because, well I just don’t... to me it like watching paint dry or grass grow but that’s me, but it been years since I last used and that’s all that matters because I DO NOT USE ANYMORE, period! Anyway, yes I can see there isn’t chatter on here anymore like their used to be. On the other hand I still see some familiar names..so if any of you remember me, I just want to say hello and it’s good see your names still here and being about 8 years since I’ve been on here it’s impressive that you are all still here helping others... i wish all of you the best and to those struggling keep fighting, learning and whatever you do DO NOT EVER GIVE UP because you never know when it may click..

Real
Helpful - 0
1 Comments
Hey!

So glad to see you're riding the sobriety train. I also don't put heavy emphasis on counting my days. I think because it sets me up for failure. If I drink or take pills once and the clock resets, that mindset sends me into a spiral of hopelessness which causes me to say, "f*** it, may as well make it a good relapse!" Which, of course, is terrible logic. However, if I look at my past 6 months and know I've drank twice, well... then one relapse is not nearly as devastating and I can count 6 months minus three days as my sobriety time, which is a huge improvement over the previous 6 months.

I'm also kind of in and out. I only really jumped back into coming here during COVID, then noticed how slow it had gotten. It used to be very hard to keep up with the posts and I'd only ever respond to barbiturate/benzo/alcohol questions/posts, because that way there were far fewer new ones to look at. Now, those types of posts are pretty rare. I guess that's a good thing. I imagine barbiturates will be gone entirely in a decade or so. I also agree with what you said - DO NOT EVER GIVE UP - because I remember how many times sobriety seemed hopelessly impossible, and yet I've been able to regain sobriety a few times throughout my life. I've also seen a lot of people here do it too. There's definitely reason never to give up hope.

Glad you're doing well and that you checked in. :)

~mm
Avatar universal
I don’t know what made me come here today.. I guess on a rainy Memorial Day weekend I became reflective after watching a documentary on HBO about the opioid crisis called “Crime of the Century”... it triggered me on thinking about the path I took to sobriety for some reason and this page was a huge part of it. I’ve been clean for a long time now from a pretty big roxy habit. During those times I would come here to read, learn, and try to help others as I navigated the rocky road to recovery relapsing then putting together a few months then relapsing again, so on and so on... Then it just clicked, i relapsed then got back on the horse AGAIN and and never went back.. weird, how all of a sudden I just stopped..  Believe me, I’m not questioned it, I’m not complaining and IT WASN’T EASY but for some reason it clicked and I’m thankful, great full, and whatever other word or words of gratification you can think of would describe how I feel about breaking the insidious cycle of opioid addiction.  I’ll tell you one thing,  a small piece of it always stays with you but it WILL become manageable I guess the best way to describe it is as a reversal of dominance, meaning you become the master of  it INSTEAD of it being the master of you.. it takes time and patience like anything else in life but ITS SOOOOO WORTH IT.. I don’t count my time because, well I just don’t... to me it like watching paint dry or grass grow but that’s me, but it been years since I last used and that’s all that matters because I DO NOT USE ANYMORE, period! Anyway, yes I can see there isn’t chatter on here anymore like their used to be. On the other hand I still see some familiar names..so if any of you remember me, I just want to say hello and it’s good see your names still here and being about 8 years since I’ve been on here it’s impressive that you are all still here helping others... i wish all of you the best and to those struggling keep fighting, learning and whatever you do DO NOT EVER GIVE UP because you never know when it may click..

Real
Helpful - 0
7163794 tn?1457366813
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hey mayberry.........glad to see things are going well for you.  Slowly and surely moving forwards to being completely clean!  Damn good job.

Things are ok here in Louisiana.  N/A is still struggling a bit to get back up and running as the "isolation" of covid  was a perfect breeding ground for addicts to stay home and not reach out.  We had 12 regular home group members before Covid and we're down to 6.  Some have gone back out to use and some have just disappeared.  But, we open every Monday and Wednesday b/c I know there will come a time when everyone realizes that recovery is what's needed to continue not using.  

Today make 7 years..........5 months..........and 27 days Clean.........but who's counting (obviously me!!!)

I hope everyone is doing well and that we all come out of this Covid nightmare safely.

Melissa B.
Helpful - 0
1 Comments
Congrats on that accomplishment! 7+ years is amazing! And you're absolutely right, the isolation is a fantastic breeding ground for addiction. I'm not sure how I got sober during COVID, but I think it's because I was actually able to just be crappy during withdrawal without having anything demanded of me. I didn't need to 'perform', so it gave me a chance to not be well. The downside was that I was isolated once I was sober, which has been really hard. Online meetings have helped a lot with that, but it's still not quite enough. I'm hoping this year will start to look more and more normal, especially now that I'm vaccinated. I'm sure everyone is looking forward to a modicum of normalcy! :)

~mm
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