Am I terrible?

[Barrenian]

I am recovering from opiate and benzo addiction. I have been drug free for a year now. My parents understand that I am an addict. My mother takes pain medication and benzos for legitimate medical reasons. Because of my addiction she keeps her medication on her constantly. She knows that I can't be trusted around these medications, and I know that I can't be trusted around them either, and I tell her this. Today she left and she left them out in the open. I noticed them and looked at them for awhile. I eventually called her and told her she forgot them, and told her that she needs to come and get them because I can't be around them for long. She doesn't understand addiction so she called me pathetic and sent my father to get them. He understand addiction, and tried to explain to her that it is good that I called. She does not care. I understand her fear. I put them through hell while I was abusing these substances. She says I am pathetic for not being able to just not take them, and for calling her and telling her to come and get them. I only called because I knew that sooner or later I would have taken them!!!

[Merri123]

You did awesome!!

You can't change how others think or perceive. She doesn't get it. But she may be dependent herself.

Who cares what she thinks. You were strong. You did very good. Congrats on another day drug free!!

[gnarly_1]

Hi  well you did the right thing by calling it is sad how she reacted but it all goes down to the serenity prayer...God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference  you cant change your Mom or her words all you can do is change the way you respond to them  ''the minute you hate or loth some one or some thing you become its slave'' you will waist time thinking about it and it will become poison to your well being have you started aftercare yet.?? if not please do we still with think like a addict long after the pills stop N/A can help you with this try a few meeting out just google meetings in your area.........Gnarly

[bama88]

I have been reading and had a thought, I bet your mom is very dependent on her pills and deep down she knows where she is headed....... Otherwise why would she have to yell at you, and call you names... I bet she might not say those things if we took away her medicine and then let her look at some.  I always think of that..... I always say to someone who takes pain meds everyday, if you only knew.....

I'm proud you could make that call...takes guts and courage to do that.  And, can you really trust what a person says on a narcotic?   We humans tend to take out our short comings on our family members.
Just a thought.....
Glad you came out and shared your experience

[Barrenian]

I loathe her for it!

[Barrenian]

It's frustrating. She takes a painkiller, and TWO different types of benzos and has the nerve to tell me not too. God what a hypocrite.

[Jinx_777]

i commend you for what you did.  sometimes mothers can be so out of touch with their kids.  my brother has been an alcoholic since he was 16. he finally stopped drinking when his twins were born, you know what my mom's response was to him??  'you make a better son when you are drunk'.  unbelievable.  he has been drinking ever since.  
i loved your analogy about the tightrope because that is the way it is 24/7.

[weaver71]

This is a perfect example of why addicts are best at helping addicts. It's sad to me that she doesn't accept she doesn't understand and calls you names, but at least she sent your dad, who does understand. You did the right thing, your job is not to make her understand you, it's to not use drugs and do what ever it takes to achieve that. Way to go, you did your part.

[LadySailor86]

You did the right thing. She doesn't get it. You say she's on her meds for legit reasons. So where a lot of us until it came time
To be off or we started liking them too much and runnig out before the refil. One day your mom
May be headed down that road. You will be there for her. She may not go there, but you have to have faith in yourself. YOU worry about you and how YOU feel about yourself.

[Barrenian]

And actually I'm not much of a sports person haha. I'm a major book nerd though! I hide inside while everyone else is outside doing physical things lol.

[Barrenian]

Thanks for your reply! It was a tough choice to make, I'm not going to lie. When I noticed them it was like a deer staring into oncoming headlights. I was transfixed. My right arm twitched because they were right there within reach. I'm still thinking about it. My mind is STILL trying to come up with reasons and justifications as to why I should have taken some of them, and how I could have gotten away with it. I know it is the addiction and that it isn't rational. At some point you just have to say NO! Non addicts get to walk on a nice wide trail, while we are on a tightrope that we could fall off of at any moment should we lose focus.

[clean_in_ks]

You are NOT terrible.....and you are NOT pathetic.....

You DID WONDERFUL!!!!  You are WISE...You did the RIGHT THING.....YOU didn't let the beast get ahold of you....GOOD FOR YOU!!

I remember a time last year when I had about a year and a half off pain meds that my hubby had a prescription bottle sitting in front of me.  It was an EMPTY script bottle and it was a cholesterol med he takes that he was calling in.  He just wanted the empty bottle sitting there to remind him to follow up on the refill.  BUT.....being the addict that I am....I recognized this crazy trigger going off in my mind every time I looked at that dang bottle.  It was the VERY SAME size and color that my hydros came in and it was driving me crazy!!  I felt a trigger go off....and we are taught to remove ourselves from those type of situations...and you DID....good on ya!

Just like you called and asked for the meds to be removed from being in YOUR face....I told my hubby I knew I was crazy, but explained what the dang empty bottle was doing to me.  He just moved it out of my direct eye path....so I didn't HAVE to look at it.  It helped me A LOT!!  It was a little crazy thing...and he didn't really understand it...but that's OK.  

Non-Addicts just don't "get it"....there's no way they can really....so while it's super unfortunate that your Mom doesn't get it....at least your Dad does, eh?  I'm just sorry you have to be called names by your Mom.  It's hurtful and shows her lack of understanding.....but you did GOOD.
Keep on rockin your recovery.....are you a Chief's fan by chance?  LOL

[justme618]

You should be so very proud of yourself for taking the RIGHT step in getting them away from you. I live with someone who does not understand addiction either, it is difficult for them as much as is it for myself I'm sure.  I find it very frustrating at times, I desperately want my loved ones to understand addiction, so they understand me. At the same time, I'm sure the ones that don't understand addiction wish I "would just stop being an addict"
Anyway…BE PROUD of the RIGHT choice you made!!

[eekh64]

Your an admirable person and as a mother I would be very proud of you.  People who don't have addictions truly are luving on a different plain than we are. My family; other than my two addict brothers ; say the same to me. They say all you have to do is just don't take them. Know ones putting a gun to your head and making you take them. When my mom was dying and hospice was goung in taking care of here and dolling out het meds I took some of her oxycotten. I still habe a ton of guilt. So I commend you for your willpower.