MESSED UP , we all new i would

[natalile]

Well if enyone read my post y/day & some did thanks 4 the comments they mean alot. But yep i had a few lines 6 in total but now i feel like a total f**k up, I hate myself at the mo. 1 person commnet sayin am i just getting clean 2 pass my urin test's, It wasn't my tset it aws my fella's but i guess yuor right
I'm going to work on a total low & my fell carn't undresand why i feel so bad, ( yu only had a little bt ) is is response Thanks love 4 a is it ???
Soz guys if feellike yuor help iv thrown bk in your face's today is nother day but i fel so low.Im gonna at it to my tracker then it will take me bk 2 day 1 AAHH I HATE MYSLF & MY FELA AT THE MO I HATE LIFE

[lb87]

hey there dont worry we all relapse i should know i have done plenty of times, just learn by this pick yaself up and carry on fighting the fight you can do it.

and dont beat yourself up over this it isnt worth it, if you need to chat just pm me im here xxx

[yelsea]

Every day is a new day.
In addition to feeling guilty, you are probably coming down too. Depending on your past, how good it was, how big the lines were... 6 lines is enough to come down. Especailly if your Dopamine reactors were on the mend and then destroyed. I'm assuming you did cocaine for some reason... I could be wrong.
Just take one day at a time. This **** is not easy to put down. Take one second at a time if you need to. I don't know, you may have heard that before, but it really works. This is how I got clean (maybe something will help you. I can't give advice, but I can tell you what worked for me):
I wanted to quit, but couldn't. I overdosed and went to ER and then to a detox center. A few days in there, I got my head a little bit clearer, and they let me lose. I relapsed within a few days. I went on a vacation to my hometown for 2 weeks. Of course, I met a guy who was an x dealer and gave me a really expensive one for free while I was there. I don't know why, but I said no. I went to an AA meeting every day, because they didn't have NA there. When I got home I kept going to NA meetings, even though I was getting high on weed and drunk every night (cause they don't count, right?). Eventually I realized that the other people in there were not doing ANYTHING and were actually happy and leading productive lives. Some for a couple years. This blew me away. I want what they had so bad, so I listened to their stories and bought some literature to try and figure out how they were doing it.
I got "13th" stepped (a guy with some time convinced me to sleep with him. I had a choice of course,  but I was disoriented still and a lot of women relapse after this happens. I did not. I broke up with him eventually and he stopped coming to meetings). Anyway, this guy was also my sponsor. Not a good choice, but I didn't know how to make good choices at that point.
I worked some steps with him, and then broke up with him, blah blah blah, and went through a few more sponsors until I found the one I have now. I'm on the ninth step now. I show up to meetings to be with people who understand me. I get hope and gratitude with what they share. I get guidance from calling my sponsor every day. I work on my steps every day, pray (it's not religious, but this is what I chose to do), meditate, and reach out to other addicts. It's a daily thing I have to do. I don't consider myself any different from the person who just walked in the door who was clean just today, or the old guy in the corner with 15 years. Every day I know I can relapse. So every day I work on my recovery.
NA is not the answer, but I found a way to stay clean and be happy by following their guidlines. I still want to use every now and then. I don't follow my program to the T every day, and I can tell a difference when I don't do something. I'm a little bit more miserable and crave a little bit more. I know there is still a possibility that I will use again, but I'm trying to stay in the solution and so far it's working. If you really want to get and stay clean, try some of the things I have done. If they worked for me, they might work for you too. Or they may not. Don't ever stop searching for a solution, though. I honestly believe that if I can get clean, anyone can. Just don't give up, ever.
I know I wrote a lot. I hope it helped. If you want to message me, or whatever, I would be happy to talk to you on a more personal level. Helping other addicts helps my own recovery. I believe that you can whip this if you give it your all.

[mtgoat911]

a good way to look at relaspe is this....now you know that you need to do more for your recovery
google..... relaspe and recovery basic text online
i bet you will find some answers there, its one chapter, will take about 20 minutes to read
let me know what you think
willingness is key
xo

[nurseone]

Like everyone has said........pull yourself up by the bootstraps and keeping chugging along. You want to be clean but now you have to have the Desire to be clean..........you cant be there for your kids if you dont be there for yourself. Kids are smart creatures and they grow up . They know stuff we dont think they do......You can do it. You have all of our support. Take the steps to make it happen........

[Higher]

You can do it,  just keep trying.  Never give up on anything.

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

Seriously; I bet that I "quit" just as many times as you have. Over a period of years. We should compare notes sometime. But what makes you strong, and me sober, is that we dont quit quiting. You have the desire.....and you have kept posting and have stuck around the forum for a while. Sooner or later the circumstances will line up and you will be 100% successful. With 2 of you in the household its just that much harder. But thats not impossible. Keep it up and keep posting of your efforts. Nobody here has anything but encouragement for you and your efforts.........and I for one really admire your substance. You gotta be one strong lady for all your continued efforts. Getting clean is not for the faint of heart! But you will make it - - -

[rue10]

When your desire to "give it up" is stronger than anything else, you've got a chance.  We addicts can "fool" ourselves into justifiying just about anything to soften the way for us to keep getting high.  There's something about a light "switching on" in our brain.  When all of a sudden we just know we've had enough.  All the excuses, reasons we can't, obstacles in our way, etc. become secondary and no longer matter more than our desire to be ride if our awful addiction.  Perhaps you're not there yet.  But....the seed has been planted or you would not be posting here and looking for support.

You have kids right?  God, my daughter is 27 now.  I look back on the years I missed with her and while she really didn't "see me" in my most weakest point, she suffered.  She has now separated herself from me for the most part.  Although there are other things for this, I can't help but think that a good part of it was that I was just not there for her emotionally and clear headed when she needed it.  

Hopefully you won't have to tell that same story someday.  To me, your children are the very best contribution you give to your life and the world.  If nothing else, "act as if" for your children...

Remember it's not the falling down, it's the staying down that can ruin our lives.  

I'm rooting for ya.  

[cathy5841]

hey nat, good to see you.  i am so sorry you are at your low.  but, hopefully the only way for you to go is up.  nat, you have to cut off all ties ot dealers and users...look out for you like lesa said.  you have been trying to do this for al very long time...you got make some shanges and you know where to start.  

[10356]

Hi natalile I was the one who made the comment on the urine test.. I'm sorry you are down on yourself but under the circumstances I do not see how you can not but use.. For me to get away from Heroin took some drastic changes.. I could never call my dealer and keep a conversation running about my clean time.. I got to the point that I wanted nothing to do with my dealer.. Peps hang out waiting to score.. Bf wanted to pass a drug screen.. I used with my bf his love for the junk was as strong as mine and when a junkie you have one true love.. I think you know what to do but you have to want it more then you want to breath.. My heart goes out to you and I wish you well.. But they have a saying.. Nothing changes if nothing changes.. Take care and never give up.. lesa

[snowflake620]

today is a new day and a new begining! don't be so hard on yourself,how many times did you fall before you learned to ride a bicycle? you can do this,I've got faith in you!
snowflake

[scaredmom330]

one day at a time, so you fell, get up and start over. I think most fail atleast once during the journey to get clean...be strong, fight the fight. you can do this...

[allaboutmary]

Pick yourself up and dust yourself off and get going again.  One of these days it will stick. Never give up the fight ! Hugs, Mary

[starfish1963]

That bites but the good news is you don't have to except defeat.  Get up wipe yourself off and try again.  I strongly feel we are harder on ourselves.  Let it go.  Each new day brings new promises.  Sorrow may last for the night, but Joy comes with the morning.  God Bless :)