Day 2

[WantTheGoodLifeNow]

I was here back in October, but relapsed after 4 days. I tried a few times in between but never made it past day 4. I am at it again, and want to make it stick. I know what to expect but I am still nervous and scared. I hate detox, absolutely whole heartedly hate detoxing. I just want to feel normal and feel like I will never feel normal. I wish I never took that first pill, I wanna scream and cry at the same time. I am on vacation this week so I figure this is the only chance I have to get thru the worst of it, but man is a pill calling my name. I don't want to think like this but it just takes over my mind. I hate this! Any encouragement would be appreciated. Thanks in advance.

[debsgotcurves]

Try, try again! Hi, we are addicts, we don't like pain. The only thing to do is keep trying. Don't beat yourself up, don't think about the past. Just focus on today, and ending the cycle.  You CAN do it.  Don't know what your DOC is, but regardless, it sounds like you keep quitting right at the point where maybe one more day and it will start to get better.  I have read many, many posts that say day 4 is the worst, and then it starts slowly to get better. Maybe make that your focus. Get through one more day!!!!  Don't quit BEFORE THE MIRACLE HAPPENS!!!   You have been here before, so you know how much awesome support there is here. Keep posting, maybe get items on the Thomas recipe, and use the week off to be DONE!!!  I wish you the best, you have my support and encouragement!!!

[Pjtwenty]

I agree!  Generally once you get past days 3-4 it improves drastically. I won't lie it still ***** but those are usually the hardest days. You can absolutely do it!!!

Hang in there. Keep posting and reading. Go for a brisk walk. That always helped me.

[WantTheGoodLifeNow]

I was taking oxycodone 30mg towards the end I was down to taking 1 in the morning n 1 in the pm sometimes able to get 1 in the afternoon depending on money. I have been up to 150mg at my worst this go round but did cut down for a few weeks before the jump. I am not one able to follow a taper never have been never will be unfortunately if they are there I take em. I am away from home n away from dealers and am not due to go home for another 3 days. I think your right I need to get to day 5, push thru day 4. Thanks for the kind words, I appreciate it!

[WantTheGoodLifeNow]

Thanks for your words of encouragement, I will take a walk shortly, just need to get my lazy bum off the couch n change to go for a walk. I am still in my pajamas. Thanks again!

[VICourageous]

Hi. Coming from a older lady who has used most of my life on & off...The detox part is over in no time. It is what we do to stay clean that takes the most work.We all have used for many, many reasons.Whether it be Physical pain or Emotional issues.We have so much wiring in the brain that gets totally unbalanced do to substance abuse. Once you get through the physical part of the detox state the brain and body has to re-adjust back. This too takes time. For some they can bounce back quicker then others. From my experience it has alot to do with age, health, how many years of abuse and how much we used. But the good news is that it will get better. Just stick with it and try to ride the wave. You will be much happier when you can walk in the sand again. You are off to a good start again. Keep it up!!!!!

[WantTheGoodLifeNow]

I know the detox is quick in the grand scheme of things but when ur going thru it boy does it feel slow.. I know my biggest weakness is easy access I have someone I know will always have them and I have to tell that person no more selling them to me. It will be a lot easier with no access to them. I don't know what I am so scared of with detox I know it's all for the better but for some reason I have it in my head I will never be normal, I mean I don't even know what normal feels like anymore after 3 years of using. Sorry if I am all over the place I am just scared. Atleast it will be dark in the next 4 hours then I can try to sleep n move on to day 3. I have to do this now, I am only 26 years old n I want to live my life. These past 3 years I have not been living, I have lost contact with friends, don't hang out with family near as much. I don't have much money even tho my job pays well, I'm just barely getting by and it needs to stop. Thank you for your words of encouragement it means a lot to me.

[VICourageous]

Oh I know you are scared. Heck I still get kind of scared now and then. This is the hardest job I have ever had. But the rewards out way the bad. Having them around makes the work that much harder. I do know this.It is like we want to run and hide in a so called safe place. Well we just have to chin up and face the world with a smile.Are you drinking lots of water? Maybe get some liquid vit/min too. The better we can eat and try to replenish the Vit/Min and Electrolytes the quicker we can come back.One of the greatest things I have learned too is to try to push the exercise. Ha! I know it is easy said then done in the beginning. But from all my months of reading on here, I have been able to follow the ones that do this daily and they seem to be much happier and healthier too! Do you plan on hitting any meetings? Support is so important in this Recovery. I sure wish you the best. When you have a craving come back on and let us know. It will re-directed you and give you support to move out of the moment.
Bless

[WantTheGoodLifeNow]

I am drinking some Gatorade n just ate some apples with caramel. I want to get out n walk but I have no strength. It also kills me to just lay around, I am watching movies to pass time and trying to keep my mind occupied. I am almost half way thru day 2 just trying to move along and get thru the worst. I will be looking into meetings as soon as I feel well enough to go. Ugh I just hate feeling this way, I am anxious and have no energy yet I feel like I can't sit still, I wish my body would make up its damn mind! lol!

[WantTheGoodLifeNow]

I think the thick of it is about to hit, my guts are starting to really hurt sorry if too much info, but boy do they hurt. I am trying to hold on tight and white knuckle thru it but damn is it hard. I hate feeling this way, I am halfway thru day 2 in about 2 hours, I just wanna move on with my life. This addiction has been the worst thing to happen to my life it has completely taken over. I need to get thru this and put that awful chapter of my life behind me. Any encouragement is much appreciated. :-(

[freedom371]

I believe in you. You can do this! I know what you are going through. I am detoxing myself off methadone right now. I was in the middle of my detox and relapsed, Now im trying it again. So dont give up on yourself. We can do this. Im going to NA and that helps me alot. Sometimes i dont want to do anything though. Actually, I NEVER feel like doing anything, but i try to force myself sometimes and have some kind of self control over my detox...but it sure is hell. Insomnia is the worst. Anyway, I wish you the best of luck. Keep reaching out and getting support. That helps me more than anything...talking to people who understand. Im not giving up. Im better than my addiction...and so are you.

[waterLilly7]

Hey Friend,
keep doing what you are doing. Thank God you could take vacation this week!! OK, you need Ensure for when you can't eat. I was drinking it like 3-5 times per day for weeks.

You need to cut all ties to the drugs. Did you?

Chick flicks are great, and HOUSE reruns kept me going. I couldn't have too much excitement in the TV, no news, no gameshows, OMG no, just calm TV, Anne Eyre movies are great for WD, I ordered a set of them and they got me through some nasty days, then after WD I gave them to my mother in law.
Hot baths help tremendously.

You will be out in the light with me soon sweetie. You will be hugging trees and listening to birds and tasting and smelling and smiling soon. hang in there and keep it up!

hugs,
Lily

[freedom371]

I remember, last year, when i detoxed before...after the worst was over, i started feeling really good..surprisingly good. So i kick myself for getting back on it later. I stayed clean for a few months that time. This time, im so fed up with my disease..im determined to do this. Dont be down on yourself for relapsing. It doesnt mean you are not sincere...nor does it mean you failed. Like they say, just pick yourself back up. My relapse has made me want to fight even harder. You are doing right by keeping your mind occupied. When your mind isnt occupied, the time goes by SOOO slow. You are doing great. Just keep pressing on. And the people on this site are really helpful. Ive received real good advice and support..and nobody has judged me.

[WantTheGoodLifeNow]

Thanks so much for your words of encouragement!! You are right we can get thru this! I have faith that you can put this methadone monster behind you and I have faith I can put this oxycodone monster behind me! I do not feel like doing much of anything right now but as soon as I am feeling a little better I will look up meetings in my area, it can only help me succeed going to meetings. Anyways thanks again, and sending support your way as well!

[kyle505]

A question...What are you doing different this time? Einstein's famous quote - the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
You are in the middle of detox hell. You swear that you will NEVER do this again; you'll call your dealers, you'll do this, you'll do that. But unless you have a solid, albeit difficult plan for recovery all you will do is relapse.
Some on here have disagreed with me when I push setting up a plan during this part of withdrawals, but I think you have to. Once you're done with the physical detox, it is easy for your head to take over. I suggest - cut your sources. Call your dealers, doc, whomever you've ever got meds from in the past. Tell them you're an addict and are no longer using. Your dealer will be difficult - they don't give a crap about you, so you may have to get tough.
Next you have to tell your secret. A trusted family member, loved one. Someone who'll be there to support you. This is the most difficult thing to do, but it is very important. If you don't tell your secret you will relapse behind it.
Finally, get after care. NA meetings; get a sponsor - someone you can talk to 24/7.  
You need to take responsibility for your actions, and realize that unless you have a recovery plan in place you will relapse. Maybe not tomorrow, or next week, but you will.
All the best. Keep posting.
K

[WantTheGoodLifeNow]

I have told my dealer no more, I don't have any other way to get em so yes I have cut ties. It scares me that I did that more than anything but I know I will be happy I did later.

The good news is I have been able to eat throughout this. But if I can't eat I will make sure I drink some ensure. I have been keeping myself busy watching TV and am very greatful to be on vacation this week although it is kind of a crappy way to spend vacation. I have to keep reminding myself it's for the best!

Oh I can't wait to be out in the light hugging trees and enjoying the sounds of birds! Right now I could shoot the birds outside my window they are so loud n irritating! LoL

Thanks for the kind words! They are much appreciated!

[WantTheGoodLifeNow]

I told my dealer no more, and that was my only access to the pills. As far as telling my secret, I will not do that right now not to everyone I know. I have a few close people who know and that's all I need right now. I plan on attending NA meeting as soon as I am feeling better. I know you don't sugar coat anything from everything I have read on here, I appreciate your advice.

[WantTheGoodLifeNow]

Our stories are very similar it's amazing how those little blue pills take a hold of you and fast too! I haven't been able to miss any work either, but I am on vacation this week so I am taking advantage of it. Sucky way to spend vacation but it sure beats spending all money I don't have. I have Xanax to take but hate that stuff so much sometimes I find it makes my anxiety worse. I use it as a last ditch effort to get a couple of hours of sleep.  

I really appreciate your advice on suboxone I can't tell you how many times I wanted to go on that in hopes it would help but stopped myself due to horror stories on this site.

I am sending support your way, I have faith you will be able to put this slip on suboxone behind you and move on with your life! You and I still have our whole lives ahead of us, we can get thru this!

[freedom371]

Your welcome..and thank you for your support as well. Try to get as much rest as possible. I know how hard that is. Also, i agree with kyles idea about a plan. That makes alot of sense. I, myself, need a more concrete plan. Keep yourself hydrated. Last year when i detoxed, i got so dehydrated, I got very sick and was put in the hospital. So thats important. Try to take a vitamin if you can. Also, do you have people you can call and talk to anytime? I have a couple of people i can talk to when im really freaked out...they've been there. Ive met them through NA. Do you have a support system?

[conhall]

The best advice I could give you is to say if you keep relapsing after 4 days what is it the makes it so easy for you to relapse is it because the pills are always available? Get rid of your pill source and you must do something more than just telling your dealer Please dont sell to me, because if you have the $$$ they dont care. I got drastic and told my dealer I was quitting and If they ever contacted me again I would report them to police Pretty scary right! I had to do it though because what I was doing wasnt working.
I also Told My Guy and that was very hard he had no idea but you need accountability and also the support. And as far as waiting to start aftercare until you feel better why wait why not start now? You have to have a plan in place  because if not this carousel ride will continue and it just gets worse. Take your life back No its not easy but its worth it, you can do this but you have to be willing to do whatever it takes to get there.    

[lynnalb15]

Hey I know how u feel. Think of it like this.. I'd much rather be in your position. I've detoxed off oxy and pills before and it was cake compared to what's ahead of me now. I'm on methadone. And it's hell times 10000000. Your pretty lucky I wish more than anything I was only detoxing from pills. It's still going to be hard but u can do this. I promise you.

[WantTheGoodLifeNow]

My dealer is on board, they are a friend as well and are happy with the decision I have made. My husband knows, he is my support system. As far as the meeting I am at a campground in another state in a small town that I am not sure how to get around. I would rather wait til I am back at home which will be in another 3 days which should be just enough time for me to be feeling better n there is a meeting at the church close by on Sunday night. Right now my focus is on feeling better, aftercare will start once I get home.

[WantTheGoodLifeNow]

Thanks for the encouragement I appreciate it! I have read your story and I want you to know I think it's awesome you are going to rehab, if I could I would have. I am sure good things will come of it and you will be happy you went! Methadone from what I have read and seen thru people close to me is a beast to get off, but I admire you for taking the steps to do so. :)

[VICourageous]

Hi Girl, so you are camping? I love to camp. Got lots and lots of places up here where I live.Heck I own property in the woods by the rivers and lakes. I just wanted to share something with you. I have detoxed from the hydos and oxys before too. It seems a lot less tense. I am walking in 10months from a 12 years Methadone ride as well. I went c/t from 3 meds at once. In the beginning from day one I hit meetings all day. My Anxiety was on the moon and I could not sleep for a while. Going out to meetings was the only thing I could do. Then I got so weak that I could hardly walk from one end to the house to the other. I still went to meetings only. You are camping at that brings you out in nature so this is better then being stuck in a four corner room. I went camping in my 40days because of my Anxiety and Sleep. I am cheering for you all the way. Also glad that you have been sticking around on the site.I did put some info about this disease in my Journal that I got from a addiction specialist. I have really learned a lot about this disease and how affects our brain. Check those 2 out. It just might get you on a roll of wanting to know more. I have videos and reading. It has been saving my ash these days too! Besides my meetings and Support in all areas.
Bless

[kyle505]

I wasn't suggesting that you tell everyone. That's not necessary. Just trusted friends, family, loved ones. They need to know. They will be a very important part of your on going support system. If I hadn't told my wife I would have relapsed by now. No doubt. I wish you only the best and hope that you don't lie to yourself as long as I did. From the heart.
K