Aa
A BIG OOPS. . . I am a terrible person
Just had a major oops. Here I was on day 4 of cold turkey and not doing TOO bad. My sister stopped by to wish me a happy belated birthday and noticed that I wasn't "feeling good". She asked what was wrong and I told her that I had a little bug and was just feeling rundown, tired and achy. She then offered me 5 (10mg) Norco to take if and when I needed them (I didn't even know that she TOOK anything like that). Of course, being the WEAK-MINDED and STUPID person that I am, I took them and downed all of them right in front of her. She looked at me like I was mental (wouldn't you?). After she left, I felt SOOO bad, I went into the bathroom to try and make myself sick, but couldn't. I called her and told her EVERYTHING that was going on with me (addiction, w/d's). She said that she wouldn't have gave them to me had she known (duh?). Maybe this is a blessing in disguise? Now someone is in on my "secret addiction". WHY am I such an IDIOT? How come I am unable to say no? What the **** is wrong w/ me that I can't say a simple NO? What a ******* *******. . .now I am back to square one. . .tomorrow will be day ONE all over again. Has this happened to anyone? Or am I alone in feeling like a completer LOSER. . . Please don't think too much less of me. . .
Thanks for all the influx of support from you all - it is very encouraging to know that so many people have also fallen and gotten back up.
Meg
Meg
Just like everyone has said....get back in the saddle girl!!! We have all been there..Take it as a learning experience...A secret addiction is even easier to keep doing...let someone else now..one thing about that is...you find out who your friends REALLY are...and that is ok...we all need a little help now and again..don't beat yourself up..everyone has screwed up.andif they don't admit it..they are lying...it might take a life time...but don't give up..
do you have any access to any source? if you do, buy 5 pills. then give them to a friend you trust w/ your life. have them broken into halves or quarters and ONLY take one when the **** has got u at the end of your rope and then not again.
find some way to sleep, ambien, anything that can put you out for most of the day. let your body handle the w/d while it's asleep and u can't feel anything. i know u lack the discipline so get help...get someone to impose it on you.
NOTHING anyone fkin says, I know how u feel, is going to tell your body to not feel the CT symptoms. They're real and they fking hurt. Even as a chipper, baby, i know exactly what you are going thru b/c i've done it myself a dozen times, gone off then come back on. the w/d literature says EXACTLY that....the w/d symptoms are total hell but they are dramatically reversed with a simple application of more narcotics.
i've found that even a 1/4 pill will take the severe edge off of the w/d. that's got to be your goal right now is to find a dose that gets u out of agony. there is no courage or sanity in going CT...it's just masochism. find a way to taper, no matter what. beg your sister and ask her to help you. let someone help who can bring the discipline that u are lacking.
wth is NA gonna tell u..."yeah, i know how you feel, it'll go away." is that supposed to make your body shake out of the sweats, the tremors, the inability to sleep, the depression? nothing anyone can say can eliminate the REAL physical effects of this drug. so use the drug to beat the drug. taper your doses, hold out until u are dying and then take a 1/4 pill or 1/2 a pill, NOT something to get high but something to just decrease the w/d. you WILL feel better even if the w/d doesn't totally go away. it'll just improve it. then pray to god to make it to tomorrow without going back and tell your help to not give u another 1/4 hit until tomorrow or later. this thing is bigger than just one person, only the really exceptional are going to make it off without blowing up as you did.
be honest with urself and the people who love u. don't be ashamed. rush limbaugh is a narc addict. the founder of John's Hopkins was a narc addict. this happens to people all over the world and from all walks of life. there is no shame in it...the CHEMISTRY of the opium poppy is intended to cause dependency. it did to u what it evolved over millions of years precisely to do and you are not a bad person for succumbing to what the entire adult population of China did at one point.
find some way to sleep, ambien, anything that can put you out for most of the day. let your body handle the w/d while it's asleep and u can't feel anything. i know u lack the discipline so get help...get someone to impose it on you.
NOTHING anyone fkin says, I know how u feel, is going to tell your body to not feel the CT symptoms. They're real and they fking hurt. Even as a chipper, baby, i know exactly what you are going thru b/c i've done it myself a dozen times, gone off then come back on. the w/d literature says EXACTLY that....the w/d symptoms are total hell but they are dramatically reversed with a simple application of more narcotics.
i've found that even a 1/4 pill will take the severe edge off of the w/d. that's got to be your goal right now is to find a dose that gets u out of agony. there is no courage or sanity in going CT...it's just masochism. find a way to taper, no matter what. beg your sister and ask her to help you. let someone help who can bring the discipline that u are lacking.
wth is NA gonna tell u..."yeah, i know how you feel, it'll go away." is that supposed to make your body shake out of the sweats, the tremors, the inability to sleep, the depression? nothing anyone can say can eliminate the REAL physical effects of this drug. so use the drug to beat the drug. taper your doses, hold out until u are dying and then take a 1/4 pill or 1/2 a pill, NOT something to get high but something to just decrease the w/d. you WILL feel better even if the w/d doesn't totally go away. it'll just improve it. then pray to god to make it to tomorrow without going back and tell your help to not give u another 1/4 hit until tomorrow or later. this thing is bigger than just one person, only the really exceptional are going to make it off without blowing up as you did.
be honest with urself and the people who love u. don't be ashamed. rush limbaugh is a narc addict. the founder of John's Hopkins was a narc addict. this happens to people all over the world and from all walks of life. there is no shame in it...the CHEMISTRY of the opium poppy is intended to cause dependency. it did to u what it evolved over millions of years precisely to do and you are not a bad person for succumbing to what the entire adult population of China did at one point.
Great post Cadillac. Meg, pick yourself up and dust yourself off. We all have experience falling off the wagon. So you screwed up??? No big deal. You have the determination to hike up your skirt and get back on track. Don't beat yourself up hon. Just get back to where you were. You are very strong and you can do it !!!!
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